Wednesday, July 28, 2010

your silence is slowly killing me. oh yeah.

the month of july is coming to an end. this also marks the one month of me stepping foot into new territory AND surviving! people ask me how is work and the only thing i can say is 'so far so good'. because really, so far all is good. i am literally fish out of water. aiming to be in this one industry and then turning 180 into another direction. life is funny that way. i moved along thinking i knew what i wanted and working towards that but then comes a curveball from my blindside and i'm swept up in the current. i can only thank the BIG MAN up in the heavens because He has been looking out for me and guiding my way through and through. it's not all peaches and creams though cause there are days i find myself questioning what in the world am i doing here? the thought of quitting has come to mind many times but only for a moment. i've turned down a pretty good offer once without even giving it a chance to develop and i'm living in the aftereffects of it now. so no fucking way am i giving up so easily. sure, i feel like screaming and kicking and punching but the urge goes just as quickly as it comes.

like today.

wasn't exactly a top-notch day. today, i question myself, do i truly belong here? i never got an answer. cause there isn't one. we don't ever truly belong. we move. we float. we fly. we swim. we tread along dangerous waters. walking on the edge of a cliff. i can be one or the other, so what's to hold me down and tie me up? i feel like sometimes, life is overrated. i don't want to be all philosophical or critical about life but there are days when i wonder why we do the things we do? why is it so simple for some to move through life. living isn't easy but the journey that takes us through it...priceless. mastercard, hire me already wtf.

i was a little frustrated and a little annoyed, now i'm just tired and drained.



Monday, July 26, 2010

copa cabana

a weekend away from the city was just what i needed. to be away from the familiar. but not like i was entering into the unknown. going back there brought me back to the year before when i was still an undergraduate. but nothing more shall be said. what happens on the island stays on the island.

last year, i was learning to ride a bicycle. this year, i was cycling on my own to the town center albeit with a few hiccups here and there. i've got the bumps to prove it and it's not a pretty sight :(

i also rode on a banana boat for the first time! honestly, i was quite terrified at first. the thought of falling of the boat was enough to make me pee in my pants! then when the 'fall' came, i was like that wasn't so bad. sure, i had sea water in my eyes, mouth and nose but that's okay. i am now macho-fied wtf.

all the fun stuff was great and all but what struck me most was that, there's actually plenty to see and do right here. in the country. we went island hopping and i saw these natural rock formations that had rocks looking like a turtle, an elephant and a crocodile! dude, what's the Stonehenge or the Colliseum compared to this? i kid, i kid. they are two different things but all i'm saying is, take a weekend off and just drive to another state or take a ferry to an island. the island hopping activity was me being a tourist in my own country and it felt really nice to know that we have things to see and do too.

even looking from the outside into the luxury hotel made me feel that much more determined to earn enough to spend 1,500 ringgit for a night in that luxurious hotel. that or a night or two in the four seasons in langkawi. now that's living the life! no backpacking and budget nonsense. lifestyle upgrade, yo!

true blood season 3 is back :D i am torn between watching it online or watching it on hbo. wtf of course i'm not torn! online ftw rah rah rah. and i find it ridiculously funny that our local radio stations have to cut/censor the word 'whiskey' in Lady Antebellum's Need You Now. the word is just mashed up but we ALL know that they're saying the word 'whiskey'. what idiots!


Saturday, July 24, 2010

sunshine through my window

got myself a great parking spot.

had me some chee cheong fun for breakfast. got some loose ends tied up nicely. had me some good food for dinner. got mail and in it was free stuff teeheehee!

awesome possum day today.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

have my cake and eat it too.

some days, i just want to be left alone. do my own thing. watch a movie on my own. eat by myself in a restaurant and just not have to make conversation. just me and a book in a quiet corner where i can look up and watch the world go by. to be alone sometimes is the one thing we find hard to do but sometimes it's good for the soul.

sometimes it's so chaotic out there. and everything is just a blur. i need a moment of clarity. for that moment to just hit pause for a minute or two and then things can resume to the way they were. one moment of peace and tranquility and just silence and me alone with my thoughts. to make a little sense of what is going on. to know that i'm going the right way but even if it's the wrong way, it's okay. there's always a junction or the U-turn. but things move forward. time still moves on. days are counted down.

and we continue doing the things we do.

i think i'm just itching for it to be the end of the month. but i suppose it's that time of the month where all the senses are a little whacked out. the joys of being a woman.

Monday, July 19, 2010

for the love of films

i have hopes of one day making my own film because of you.

i have a grown a little love for local films and i HAVE seen more local films because of you. i even wrote my paper on a local movie which left such an indelible mark on me.

i appreciate films a little much more because of you. some of my favourite films came out of your class.

tiny effects you left in my views and ideas will be forever carried on.

the little knowledge i had about filmmaking was expanded in your class. storyboarding and scriptwriting left me wanting more. inspired to make my own film.

thank you, ben. you are what a university experience should be like. igniting that hidden passion.

thank you.

may you rest in peace.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

this is how i roll


when driving on the highway during peak hours, i came to realize that driving in the middle lane is faster compared to the fast lane. why is that so? to be honest, i don't understand why jams even occur in the first place!

cars are aplenty every hour of every day. but somehow or rather it's just slower and much more snail-paced than necessary during peak hours. and there's no particular reason for it cause after a 101 km of crawling along the highway, there's this sudden gap where cars can suddenly fly by! amazing like magic.

yeah sure, you can argue that it's jam during peak hours cause there's a higher percentage of cars on the road but it's a bloody straight road! and sure, there are exits left and right but then shouldn't the jam occur only on one side if cars are exiting on their respective sides?

NO. of course not. drivers like to cut in from the other lane when they are an inch away from the exit hence blocking the smooth flow of traffic. no driving ethics at all. if everyone played their part then jams wouldn't occur. then there would be no peak hours and traffic jams. even the word traffic jam is flawed wtf. traffic jam would imply that there's a traffic light somewhere, anywhere in order for there to be a traffic jam. highways don't have traffic lights! oh wait, i suppose the bloody red and green lights above them toll booths are considered to be one wtfwtf.

my other vice with driving is that of the motorcyclists. this is mainly on the main roads but i don't discount the highways cause somehow or rather they're there anyways despite having their own lane on the far left. they are like flies and i imagine myself to be the fly swatter. very annoying when i want to cut into the next lane. not only do i have to look out for the cars, i have to look out for them motorcyclists too and they come in droves. ZOOM ZOOM ZOOMING by you. want to cut into the next lane already but at the far back you can see this tiny figure on two-wheels looming closer and closer. you think you can make it in time to squeeze ahead of the car but that bike is just speeding in. then you waste that opportunity to squeeze in and thus have to continue crawling in your respective lane, awaiting once again for the next opportunity to cut into the next lane with your fingers crossed this time, please don't let there be a bike zooming by!

but being a tolerant driver, i control. anger management and yoga breathing exercises wtf. i kid. i have no road rage although there are times i wish to drive like them drivers in those video games where i can ram into the back of the car in front of me and laugh evilly like this, MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

that'd be one less thing to do in my lifetime.

but despite my rant, i do enjoy driving. especially driving alone with good music playing in the background. and sometimes i especially like driving in the rain! somehow, it's very soothing and relaxing to watch the rain water splash and then swooshed away by the wipers. but most of all, i like the sound of rain and thunder. but those sound better when i'm under my comforter in bed with the lights turned off in the night skies.

what's best is what i saw after the rain;



i got really excited when i saw the rainbow! it's been awhile since i last one so i immediately whipped out my camera which was conveniently located on my lap. boys and girls if you're reading this, don't send SMSes when driving and use a handsfree when driving but only when stuck in the jam cause you're mostly crawling on the road otherwise DON'T even think of using your phone! it's been said talking on the phone when driving is the same as drunk driving. you're not concentrating on the driving anymore. VERY DANGEROUS! end of community service message.

seeing that rainbow made my day :)

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Ned. vs. Esp.

last match!

imma go to bed now and wake up early. for realz, yo!



Thursday, July 08, 2010

gerhana

during dinner, i was telling my mother that eclipse is showing today. she says no. it's showing on the 11th. i said, 'do you want to bet with me that eclipse is showing today?'.

she hesitated.

AH-HA! not confident, eh?

we dropped the subject.

after dinner, i was flipping through the papers and came across the eclipse poster with a big header at the bottom SHOWING NOW. i pointed it out to my mother. 'NAHHHHH...SEE!'

o_O

i thought you were talking about the sun/moon eclipse! how i know you were talking about the vampire/werewolf?

+____+


booyeah!

2.29AM i snoozed till 3AM.

15 minutes of first half baby. if you placed your bets and won, you can give yourself the satisfaction of knowing that paul the octopus is not the only one who can predict.

netherlands ftw.

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

'hi, are you awake?"

i had a fml moment today.

it's world cup season now. semifinals going on. gung-ho me wanted to watch the Netherland vs. Uruguay match. so i set my alarm for 2.30AM. of course, it rings. and of course, in deep slumber i was 'fuck it, i need my sleep' and shut the alarm off. then came the vital alarm ring. my 6AM wake up call. of course, i snoozed it. and the next rings after snoozing it. final wake up call came from my mother* at 7.20AM. FML.

*yes, my mother called me through the phone. one of the wonders of technology.

i woke up late not because i was watching the match but because i woke up too many times to snooze the damn alarm.

seriously. only ridiculous things like this can happen to me.

but i am going to be optimistic and take something from this. now i know that if push comes to shove, i can get ready in 10minutes. from jumping out of bed in total and absolute shock to being presentable for work. and if that's not good enough news, i also managed to get to KL in time, leaving my house at 7.45AM!

tell me laa, how am i not a rockstar after this? if i can fit everything into my luggage and drag it down the stairs in York and get to KL in time for my training at 8.45AM, i should have my name in the rock&roll hall of fame already!

ps: i am going to push my luck tonight. i definitely want to watch the germany vs spain match so i will head to bed before 10PM i swear and wake up at 2AM, suit up and watch the match. sleep on the couch and dash to work at 7AM. is that a PLAN or what? i is brilliant.

pss: we'll see how it goes. place your bets wtf.