Saturday, May 14, 2011

monkey

today, i lived up to the bruno mars 'lazy song'. when he sang today i dont feel like doing anything. i just wanna lay in my bed, i literally did just that. lazed in bed for half an hour after waking up trying to go back to sleep again just because i can and then dragged myself out of bed, brushed my teeth and went downstairs for breakfast. in my pyjamas. oh i havent done that in a looooong time! i used to do it all the time when i was younger. but back then, it was to plop myself infront of the TV to watch the saturday morning cartoons!

today i relived part of my childhood. i had my breakfast and plopped myself infront of the TV. watched a movie and got my celebrity updates. however, this isnt really the whole point of the story.

what i really wanted to say was what my brother had to say to me when he saw me in my pyjamas infront of the TV.

"you're just like me" and proceeded to give me a very wide smile!

"and that's a good thing, eh?"

"yeah" with another wider smile.

hidden play things

for the first time in a long time, i logged into my flickr account. i've only posted 2 photos and looking at it, it's got me wanting to play with my camera again!

if only i can find it...

fact checker

it irks me when people spell macaron as macaroon. get your facts right. i know i did.


Saturday, April 23, 2011

black friday on a Good Friday.

my day started at 12-ish pm. it was the first time i switched off my alarm on a weekday. yes, friday is a weekday too. i couldn't let the alarm wake me this time because i needed my body to sleep and wake up when it was ready too. it has been a crazy 4 day work day this week. i guess it was the universe's way of telling me to pay back the time that i missed on the days that i was off. which was crazy.

so my day started at 12pm when i woke up, showered, lunched and headed to work. as my usual routine goes, i would park my car and walk to my office building which takes less than 10 minutes walk. smart me squeezed into a tight spot and couldn't get out from the driver's side. i cleverly thought that i was 'skinny' enough to squeeze myself out but i wasn't 'skinny' enough. so i restarted my car to repark again.

key in ignition. turn to start. car starts.

that's how it should have gone.

key in ignition. turn to start. car doesn't start.

+_________+

i try again.

and again.

and again.

great. add in the fact that there was no reception in the carpark, i couldn't call for help. and i couldn't get out from the drivers side so i had to climb over to the passenger side to get out. my brilliance sometimes amazes me.

i decide to make the call for help in the office and thus proceeded the walk to my office. barely 50 steps out, it POURS. not drizzle, mind you. BIG FAT RAINDROPS! the only saving grace? i carry a foldable umbrella in my bag for days such as this.

could my day not get any worst? first the car and now the rain. and then i get into the office and receives news that there are changes to the job that i've been working on for the past 3 days. strike gold today.

had a brief meeting to discuss the job but my mind was worried about the car. and my face showed it. i was preoccupied with so many things, nothing really made sense. but there's always a silver lining in every cloud. and the day slowly got better.

i was surprised with a cupcake cause it's my birthday month! so that instantly perked me. i'm so easy to please. then the mechanic came to help with the car situation which wasn't a situation afterall cause the car started just fine with no hiccups whatsoever. figures la. and work was done for me!

and i went for service today which was very different. loads of reflection to do. it really highlights the great sacrifice Jesus did. He died for our sins.

so what started out as an unfortunate day turned around to be a pretty good one.

have a good Easter!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

i miss being

a student.

a graduate.

a carefree being.

i miss worrying only about completing assignments and hoping to be able to graduate and then figuring it out from there. but now that i am in the figuring it out part, it sucks. nobody and nothing prepares you for this. even when i think i've got it all covered.

Saturday, April 09, 2011

time keeper.

i'm the kind of person who ALWAYS wears a watch whenever i'm out of the house. i get really uneasy when i don't know the time. it's like i'm chasing after something wtf. but about a couple of months ago, i didn't want to wear my watch. i felt restricted by it. as if my every movement was being timed and that it felt like i was also running or rushing for something.

in my previous job, i needed my watch to keep me punctual. i would have to constantly look at the time to make sure i was not late for my appointment. often times i'd have back to back appointments and keeping time was a necessity! but it was at this time that i felt the restriction of wearing my watch. it was weighing me down. my hand felt heavier and many a times, i found myself taking my watch off. and it was then that i felt the liberation of not knowing what time it was! i was constantly keeping check of myself. i felt the freedom to move about and just be. it was so easy for me to just look at my watch to know what time of the day it was and what the next plan was going to be. without my watch, i was a child without a care. skipping through green hills and picking berries from bushes. this was probably the time i felt actual freedom. freedom from time. not worrying about the future and just focusing on the present.

and then, that careless abandon left me and i was back to being the time keeper. constantly feeling reassured that control was back in my hands. that i had a to-do list to accomplish by the end of the day. my wrist would feel bare without the warmth of the leather strap and cold stainless steel surface of the watch. my hands were a lil' too light.

and so i resorted to wearing my watch again. periodically looking at it to make sure there was enough time to do the things that i had to do.

when i needed the time the most, i left it and felt liberated. and now that i'm not worried so much about time, i wear it constantly. reminding me of how important it is to know the time. there's a mix reaction now. there are times where i just feel like not wearing my watch but because of habit, i always put it on. and if i'm really conscious about it, i'll just take it off and stuff it in my bag and feel that freedom again.

Sunday, April 03, 2011

wishing well

I have always believed that writing advertisements is the second most profitable form of writing. The first, of course, is ransom notes.”
Phil Dusenberry


taken from here

this somehow gives me a sense of direction in life. it's been a month and a week. tomorrow marking a month and 2 weeks. a colleague mentioned that i should have a drink to mark the one month period. i didn't. i should have and i would have had i had enough money to buy myself a drink. a pint of guinness would have been the choice seeing as i've never actually had a pint of guinness before but it seemed like such a grown up choice of alcoholic beverage. i've taken a sip of it and liked the smoothness of it but never a pint to myself.

a friend mentioned that i should go out more. socialize more. meet new people. i would if i wasn't so damn tired every time i switch off my computer in the office. clubs? i seem to develop a very unfriendly stance towards clubbing. and i don't think i'd like to meet someone in a club or would i? its so noisy and the only way you can hear what the other person is saying is if they come really up close in your breathing space or it's a shout fest. i'd rather stay home. but staying home won't let me meet new people. going out would.

and by going out, i would really like to sit somewhere where ice-creams and cake and milkshakes and the odd tong sui and wor peng would be served! and that's what i'd like to do. serve desserts cause everyone ALWAYS has space for desserts :)





Saturday, April 02, 2011

why people sometimes fail #1

you know you're a couch potato when you're channel surfing and you're watching one program and you switch channels when the ads come on and then you watch another show only to realize that you were actually watching something else but the realization comes too late when you turn back to the original channel and the show ended an hour ago +____+

definition of a failed couch potato.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

my world 3.0

i do a lot of thinking when i'm driving to work. not so much when i'm driving back home cause by that time, i'm just brain dead and hungry and sometimes just moaning about how i'd rather not do this but i digress.

it's the only time i am truly alone with nothing but my thoughts and the road ahead of me. well, rush hour traffic doesn't exactly have much of a road view. car bumpers, yes. so i make loads of life decisions when i'm driving or at least i think about it a lot. and i'm beginning to see a pattern in my thoughts. from the first day i started working to this very day. i may not have thought about it everyday, but the thought does pop in and out once in awhile. i'd like to step my food down and just charge ahead with it but i also have a rather rational and realistic side to me.

but lately with all that is happening in the world and my lack of knowledge and understanding in my spiritual life, i feel like now is the time i actually do something about it and at the same time finally learning something and doing something that i know that i would like to pursue in the very near future.

work and life balance is of high importance and i'm not going to let that be discounted in whatever i aim to do.

from my understanding of my thought patterns, i'd say this one is pretty consistent. and that's quite a stretch of a statement seeing as how fickle-minded is my middle name O___0 tough life decisions need to be made.

john lennon once sang,

they may say that i'm a dreamer, but i'm not the only one

curry curly wurly

this afternoon, or rather yesterday afternoon seeing it is already after midnight, i had the best lunch ever since stepping into my new position here in KL. i still remember my first lunch. it was at a restaurant serving overpriced dishes of sandwiches and mineral water. i had a wrap which i thought would be hot but was in actual fact cold. yucks.

on my second day, i had a nicoise salad. something which i learned about when i was in europe! it was heavenly. the one in europe, not this one. and my third was a singapore fried meehoon in the restaurant next door.

but today, took the cake. maybe because it was just me in a crowded cafeteria. no idle chit chat. no small talk. no smiling and nodding. just me. sitting and waiting. and if you insist, reading twitter. yes, twitter makes for a very good time idler.

that delightful dish i had that warranted itself a blog post?

maggi sup.

instant noodles never tasted this good.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

23.


happy birthday, pui mun!

7 years of friendship and many more years to come. we've been in the same school since form 1 and yet we've only met in form 4 as classmates. 2 years in the same class and look where that has gotten us. we've been through pretty much all the highlights of our youth and now young adult life (OMG that was hard to type. i still like to think that i'm only turning 18)

you're the calm one in the group. you are a level-headed, kind and generous person and there is not a bad bone in you! even when you've consumed more than your alco-tolerance, you're an absolute joy to be with but that's cos you're really funny after you've drank too much! i reckon you should drink more and party it up, yeah!

i don't know about you but birthdays now seem to come and go really quickly. i guess it's true what they say, after turning 21, the years just seem to fly by. but what softens the blow of growing another year older is the realization that you're not growing a year older alone.

you've got us...


ps: did you know how difficult it was for me to find a photo of everyone in it?! very. difficult. we need a new group photo!


and we've got you.




Sunday, March 20, 2011

runway/catwalk

these days, i've been checking out fashion blogs and sites. not that its related to my work or anything but fashion is pretty fun, eh? all that mixing and matching and goo-goo-gaa-gaa-ing over must have pieces!

i've seen some pretty shimmery dresses and shoes. hi, fashion designers, i want an invite to your runway shows! i may not be a fashion blogger or a photographer but if i can dress like a fashionista and sling a dslr on top of it, i might as well be one. so many bloggers seem to think they're fashionista's just cause they can pronounce haute couture and pout and squint simultaneously in front of a bare white wall.

i'm just bitter.

i really want to splurge but i'm also very sensible and realize that if i were to splurge, imma be spending pretty much 6 months worth of savings away :( oh i hate responsibilities, i do. i've done the work thing. i've got enough experience to tell my children how tough work is. will some honest good man come and marry me already. honestly!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

not a leap year.

february, you have been by far the most interesting month of the year 2011. well, that'd be giving you too much credit, eh since it's only the second month of the year but i give credit where credit's due.

march, i'll be waiting.

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Sunday, January 30, 2011

untouched

today, i took a nap with my windows opened.

best. nap. ever.

but seriously, rain for the whole day? i couldn't even enjoy a hot shower.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

i wish i knew how to bake a pavlova!

am a happy child cos i took a day off tomorrow! so that leaves me with a very looooong weekend :D unbelievable but it has now come down to taking days off to make me happy. it's a cycle of horrors. in school, i looked forward to public holidays and term breaks. now, it's still public holidays but with the added bonus of extending that holiday as well as taking off whenever i please :P ahh, the freedom! too hot to handle wtf.

but this a very well planned off day as well. i'm trying to fit in a lot for this day. and squeeze in a slice of pavlova too :DDD

things are looking up. i can feel it!

Monday, January 17, 2011

the glamourous


heavy traffic on the federal at 11.30-ish AM?! hello, no need to work ar?

a car was driving without it's headlights on?! hello, even my 9 year old brother knows that the headlights need to be switched on at NIGHT!

these are just some of the highlight of my day. but really, the highlights of all highlights is that i am gonna make a change.

and unlike my previous post, this time, i'm all aboard and ready to go go go! am feeling pretty excited cos this just means i'm one step closer to my, dare i say it...dream!

but really, today is a very happy birthday to lips :D

she's very easily amused!


try spending a whole month with her!

best times. truly.


Thursday, January 13, 2011

good scream and a good shout

i did it! got my foot in the door. so why aren't i as excited as i should be?

possibilities are endless but i think it's the comfort level i'm in. my roots are beginning to be planted and the fear of change is inevitable. but then again, i'm embracing the change. if i don't, i will NEVER know. and never is such a strong word. too strong to let it slide away from me.

ok. enough cryptic talk. can't say more cos i don't reveal too much here anyways. that's just how i roll.

i just got my hands on florence + the machine and hello, why hasn't anyone told me how awesome they are?!


Wednesday, January 05, 2011

imagine me and you...so happy together

had a FML moment this afternoon.

appointment to meet client in pavilion between the hours of 1.30 to 2pm. i arrived 1.20pm, received sms from said client to meet at 2pm. i haven't had my lunch so i queued up at kfc (imagine me and you...so happy together!) the line was massively long (lunch time. fml 1 me 0) already stood in line for close to 20 minutes when the sms came;

'meet you in coffeebean in 5 minutes'

+______+ ... -__________- ... WTF ...

i had a fight or flight moment. literally.

the better part of me screwed it and walked from one end of pavilion to the other cos said client had to choose to meet at the coffeebean located at the alfresco area instead of the in the centre court. fml 2 me 0.

fine. no complains cos i'm too nice for my own damn good sometimes.

about 10 minutes later, i left coffeebean and hurried back to kfc (imagine me and you...so happy together!) and to my joy, the queue pretty much non-existent. but that would just mean i would score myself 1 but NO! the universe was feeling pretty sadistic i reckon. 2 opened counters therefore 2 lines. i queue up behind line no.1 and customer just walked in queues behind line no.2. suddenly manager asks to open counter 3 to take order for man who is standing in line no.2. +____+ i thought cashier will layan me and serve me next but NO! she pushed the Counter Close sign further front after customer leaves. fml 3 me 0. nevermind. i wait patiently even though i was slowly dying a hungry death. then lady in line 2 moves away and man who just walked in who stands behind lady gets to take order while i wait behind fellow who for some reason took FOREVER to order fried chicken.

fml 1,000,000 me 0 x infinity.

by the time i reached my turn, my stomach was playing the orchestra rivaling all the orchestras in the world combined. but i had my fried chicken and is very. the. satisfied.

i was so happy, i even had myself a side order of fries cause i was delirious by the time it came to my turn at the cashier i could have ordered everything on the menu. but some semblance of self-control was still intact and that fries made me quite a happy child.

imagine me and you...so happy together

had a FML moment this afternoon.

appointment to meet client in pavilion between the hours of 1.30 to 2pm. i arrived 1.20pm, received sms from said client to meet at 2pm. i haven't had my lunch so i queued up at kfc (imagine me and you...so happy together!) the line was massively long (lunch time. fml 1 me 0) already stood in line for close to 20 minutes when the sms came;

'meet you in coffeebean in 5 minutes'

+______+ ... -__________- ... WTF ...

i had a fight or flight moment. literally.

the better part of me screwed it and walked from one end of pavilion to the other cos said client had to choose to meet at the coffeebean located at the alfresco area instead of the in the centre court. fml 2 me 0.

fine. no complains cos i'm too nice for my own damn good sometimes.

about 10 minutes later, i left coffeebean and hurried back to kfc (imagine me and you...so happy together!) and to my joy, the queue pretty much non-existent. but that would just mean i would score myself 1 but NO! the universe was feeling pretty sadistic i reckon. 2 opened counters therefore 2 lines. i queue up behind line no.1 and customer just walked in queues behind line no.2. suddenly manager asks to open counter 3 to take order for man who is standing in line no.2. +____+ i thought cashier will layan me and serve me next but NO! she pushed the Counter Close sign further front after customer leaves. fml 3 me 0. nevermind. i wait patiently even though i was slowly dying a hungry death. then lady in line 2 moves away and man who just walked in who stands behind lady gets to take order while i wait behind fellow who for some reason took FOREVER to order fried chicken.

fml 1,000,000 me 0 x infinity.

by the time i reached my turn, my stomach was playing the orchestra rivaling all the orchestras in the world combined. but i had my fried chicken and is very. the. satisfied.

Monday, January 03, 2011

omg it's 11

currently listening to peter grant's happy together. can't help but tap my feet along to the infectious beat :) also doesn't help that i'm thinking of KFC as i'm listening to it. didn't KFC use this song in their ads in the 90s?

i had a McD's cravings today and i thought i could rush it but the rain was wicked. there was a point where i could hardly see the roads at all cause the rain was that HEAVY! i stared longingly at the clock thinking i could make a MAD dash to McD's before the meeting started but the more rational me took control of the situation. aiyoh, if only i could be more all action and no thinking! do do do DO! just do it wtf.

so now, i am left carrying this McD craving till i SATISFY the bloody craving. you have no idea. close friends will tell you that once i have a craving, it won't go away till i sink my teeth into that glorious piece of delectable craving of the mo'!

the most exciting thing to happen in the office came in the form of a surprise birthday! not mine but if you're wondering, it's coming in about 3 months time :D ice-cream cake for everyone!

so that was my first day of work for 2011. hope yours sounds as good as mine!

doubt it!

Thursday, December 30, 2010

twentyten

it's really bad timing to be sick now but there's nothing i can do about it. i feel the trickles of a sore throat coming and my nose is already giving way to a full out flu. soon. unless i have like 1000 x infinity intakes of vitamin C now. but that would just make things worst, wont it?so what's a soon to be sick girl to do on the eve of a public holiday (way to go Harimau Malaysia yea yea yea) and NYE? i reminisce of the year that is soon to be called the year that was. 2010 has been a test of many a things. i feel like i've been riding the highs and drowning in the lows. and to be standing at this point and staring at the view before me, 2010 has certainly made me grow a lil' wiser and definitely more 'tahan lasak'! if i can go through the worst days of my life and then make a 180 degree turn from that, i say 2010 has been crazy. if i cried more tears than the last five years combined, i say bring on the tissues. fyi, i think crying frees the soul. so if there's anger or sadness cry it out, sister! or brother (men today are so different from the generation before us).

in no particular order, here are some of the highlights of my 2010;

#1
graduation! this was one of the best days of my life!

#2
lips turning 21. the highlight was the after-party! i will say no more.

#3
chinese new year!
#4
first family holiday of the year

#5
turning a year older...
#6
random shenanigans



#7
london for the very first time!


#8
appreciating modern art


#9
discovering that we are modern artists in the making! all those pictures taken in the toilet mirror has not been in vain.

#10
according to Jman, i had a miley cyrus moment but i dont care. it was the highlight of my trip hands down ;D


#11
discovering stroopwaffles for the first time!

#12
the famous duckrice experience after 2 failed attempts.

#13
in the midst of the world cup fever, i visited Liverpool.



so that's some of the highlights of my 2010.

happy 2011, folks!

Friday, December 24, 2010

last Xmas i gave you my heart

i think the more you want something, the harder it is to get it. and then you wait. patiently, impatiently is a whole other matter but you wait. and when it's within grasp, you reach out your hand. touch it and pull your hand back like you would touching a hot pot sitting on a stove. just a touch and you begin to rethink the entire situation. but you want more cos that slight touch has ignited and stirred this hidden desire. suddenly i'm trying to find ways to keep trying to catch this enigma. i sit here and think about it when i should really be doing something about it.

really, i just want somebody to loveeeeeeeee...justin beiber tells me so all the time.


Thursday, December 23, 2010

it's a promise.

cast your burdens on Me and I will look after you (Psalm 55:22)




Saturday, December 04, 2010

i'm lovin' it

good news should come in a happy package but somehow, this doesnt exactly warrant one. plus, it coming earlier than it should makes it even the more exciting. but it's an emotional blackhole. try as i might to make myself LIKE the work that i'm doing and i do that pretty often whenever i'm alone. i tell myself, 'hey, this isn't so bad, eh?' or 'i'm already doing it anyways, i can do it for a longer term, eh?' fuck this shit. it's the road to denial, innit? but self motivation is there so i guess credits got to be given, no?

want to know what i really wish for? that life doesn't have to go a certain way. i know there are no rules when it comes to livin' the life i want to live but i put myself there anyways. there are steps and measures to be taken that was set up a long long time ago which have been followed through by many and i think i've pretty much aced those steps so why aren't i happy? right now, i earn enough to buy the things that i want (within budget of course which really isnt that much in the first place, eh?) and yet, that really isn't enough to keep me afloat. try as i may, my arms are getting tired and numb from all that treading to keep afloat. throw me a life buoy right now.

i know of friends who have found their happiness in life. and they succeeded in their first try and here i am suffocating.

truth be told, half the time i honestly don't know what i'm doing. when i say i go with the flow, i literally go with the flow. and i'm hoping the flow will take me to boogie town where i can whip my hair back and forth and just be...happy.


Monday, November 29, 2010

i whip my hair back and forth

left, right and centre, i only hear discouragement.

what do you do in times like these?

the million dollar question i can NEVER give a straight answer to; what do you want?

i mean, in the general sense of the word, there are many material things that i would love to have but that's not what they're really asking me. so really, what do i want?

a career. check. but a career in what?

a boyfriend. yes but don't ask me why i don't have one now. actually, don't ask anyone why they don't have one. it could be a life choice and not a condition.

a blackberry. oh yes! with a data plan too just so i can tweet about random shit that happens to me on the spot ie. a bloody kancil just flashed me on the fast lane?!. i always tweet about it in my head so i figure having access to the net 24/7 will make me uber happy.

oh santa, if you're real, i would really like to know,
what happens next?



Monday, November 22, 2010

walking distance

things seem to be progressing positively. but that's just on the surface. it's when you dig deeper where you find the rough edges, bumps and twist and turns. everyday i tell myself, something better will come along. in the grander scheme of things, this will all lead to something.

something.

something.

something.

what thing?

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

round the clock

i saw way too many teenyboppers today. but that wasn't the worst part. nothing can beat this.

i got a call this morning. picked it up and what do you know, it was a customer enquiring. fine, yada yada yada, then he asked if i am working today? no. it's a public holiday.

oh, so you don't work round the clock?

jaw drop. face palm. head desk.

the many fascinating levels of how the human mind can function and form ridiculous statements such as the above, baffles me.

Monday, November 08, 2010

talking to the moon

is it called giving up or letting go when you decide it's for the best to quit?

am i giving up? sure, i can hold on a lil' longer but should i, after knowing for a fact that i absolutely can't stand this anymore?

or am i actually letting go and allowing myself to finally go pursue something else that i want. something that i want on my own without anyone pushing me towards to it, painted views and aspirations on the back of my head.

i don't need no permission to stop or start. i just need support.

Sunday, November 07, 2010

the other side

this feeling of dread isnt supposed to be this bad. i am literally dreading monday.

if only quitting were that easy.

it's literally 4o minutes before midnight and here i am having this heavy heart and dread about tomorrow. i am literally afraid of my handphone. everytime it rings, i say a little prayer, hoping that it's either my parents or a friend. i want to cry about it but crying only gives me a swollen eye the next day. this is unhealthy right, if i keep telling anyone who would listen how much i hate this.

and i do. hate this.

yes, i am an idealist with very romantic ideas about life.

and it sucks.

singing the

m-m-monday blues...

Friday, November 05, 2010

big bang

at the traffic light today, i saw a heartbroken man cry. he was furious, an emotional wreck. slamming on the window and biting his hand because the physical pain was much more bearable than the ache he felt in his heart.

he was crying.

while she sat there, stone-faced and emotionless amidst the tidal waves of pain and anguish circulating in that tiny space.

he was screaming.

she was silent.

i've never seen a man cry like that. not in real life. the car was shaking from the angry and hurt vibrations emanating from every pore of his body. the heat could scald your skin if you dared to go near him.

she was cold as ice.

he couldn't control his tears. they kept blurring his vision. he couldn't wipe them away like the wipers that wiped the rain drops away. his sleeves were soaked. soaked with the tears that seemed to stream from a broken tap that just won't stop.

his hands were bruised.

from hitting the steering wheel. from flinging his arms all over the tiny space of a car that seemed better fit for a 12 year old than a grown man. he only kept hitting the side window because that pain was real and controllable. but really, that pain could be healed in a day or two. what he felt then, it was forever.

he was heartbroken.

at least that was how i saw it. the woman beside him. another being just like i. just like him. but she wasn't just another woman. he was hurt. and she was the cause of the hurt. he kept wiping tears away.

while she sat there in silence.

green light.

and we'll move on to the next thing till another red light stops us.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done

1) giving up. i quit ballet and piano. the not-so-saving grace; i was young and stupid.

2) impulse buying.

3) agreeing to things that i dont want to do

4) missed opportunities

5) screw up the interview. things could be different. better or worse, i dont know. but definitely different.

6) procrastinate

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

from ny to la

once again, i broke down. and this time, it hit me hard. harder than before. do i wait for the final straw or just let things continue on and keep on accepting the hardblows as they come?

i need to get out of here.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

the art of winning

tonight was the first time i left the office at 10pm. the business is getting crazier. my phone rings ALL the frickin' time. i have THIS bunch of files pending on my desk. and still there's more coming in. after 4 months into the job, it is starting to get challenging. i don't have time to pee. but that's just because the toilet is far.

today i got a pleasant surprise on my desk. no, it wasn't my dream man seating naked on my desk but close. before leaving for my appointment, i locked my computer. so when i got back in the evening, i moved my mouse and keyed in my password. then when i saw that my email and documents weren't popping up on the screen, i went 'WHO TOUCHED MY COMPUTER >:('

AND that was when i realized something was amiss. i could see the keys on my keyboard clearly. that's weird. then i looked at the monitor. it's brighter. HOLY CRAP i got new toy! that totally made my day.

i don't know how i could miss that.

oh yeah, cos i work hard for my money.

today was supposed to end well when i got a call from time out kl. was told i won tix to catch paramore live. fuck me, this would be the first time i win something that i truly wanted. but that came crashing down when i received another call late evening telling me i was only shortlisted. what that means is that i'll only get tix when the winners don't collect them. yeah, like that's going to happen. bloody idiots. how can this happen? i asked them what they were going to compensate me with and they said i could get their magazine. such joy. i was going to sing praises about time out kl but not anymore. this isn't some kuntum magazine organizing some workshop to improve your math skills. this is an international magazine organizing a concert and they make blunders like this? so does that mean they've been calling up the 'wrong' winners today?

if i wasnt so swamped up at work i would have given them a piece of my mind. it's ridiculous really. it's like giving somebody a birthday present and then taking it back the next day. and don't get me started on that gossip writer from the star. she has a section in the star rage on celebrity gossip. anyways, i joined an online contest where you guessed the celebrity or some shit like that and wahseh, i got all the answers right (E! why don't you hire me already?!) and won myself 2 movie tickets. got the email to send in my address. replied the email. 6-8 months later? i'm still waiting. in between then and now i sent in an email asking her where my tickets are and no reply. professional.

so i suppose i have something to learn here. don't do unto others what you dont want done unto you.

looks like it'll be another busy day tomorrow.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

cause everyone has something to say on this perfect 10 day

while others are busy getting married on this day of 101010, i was busy staying put in one place and just sitting still. i didnt have to rush for a dateline or reply an email or photocopy documents. all i had to worry about was food and what dvd to watch next. i didnt even have to worry about my phone ringing from customers who are clearly paranoid about something that could wait till monday. but i digress. this day of sunday, 10 october 2010 was a perfect day. so perfect, i'm getting the monday blues before monday rolls in :(

i watched 3 movies today and one of them made it into my favourite list. before the film ended too!

chocolat starring juliette binoche and johnny depp.



everything in it was...delectable!


sexy.

i want to learn how to make chocolate and then open my own chocolaterie.

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

sneaky sneaky

3 months and a week ago, i went through a major change. once again, i'm back where i started. new location. new people. new system. it's the same old same old yet different. i told myself that i shouldnt get too comfortable in my comfort zone and obviously i didnt listen to my own advice. nevertheless, good change. new lessons to be learned. i'm looking at the same things differently now.

conclusion. i'm changing. i'm upping my game, homie.

please note that i didnt quit my job. i'm still employed by the same employer, only difference is the location. i just thought i should i have a disclaimer incase some of you wanted to toast/console me wtf.

this is too good to not share. parking in DU absolutely sucks. it's so bad they double park everywhere that it's now legal!

no. i made that up but it sure does feel like it.

being the law abiding citizen that i am *proud wtf* i parked in a proper yellow box. at about 3pm, i had to go out and there i find my car blocked by a another car and to make matters worst, i couldnt get into the driver's seat cause a green motorcycle was blocking my way. FTS i couldnt get access into my car to honk the two bastards who were blocking me! i wanted to phyically move the bike away but was afraid doing so would break my nails. so i went to the passenger seat and sat there and honked away.

bloody hell. the driver of the car blocking me was standing by his car the whole time doing gawd knows what under the bloody hot sun and there i was sweating my fats away and he didnt hear or see me?! only when the guy who drove the green bike came running out of the '4 ekor' shop did the man behind take note and commented 'eh, your car is it? i didnt see the driver so i didnt know you want to come out'.

PLUS the bike owner even said 'you mau keluar ar?' bloody hell do i look like i'm enjoying myself in the car in this weather?! if i did i would be in a sauna forcing my fats to seep out through my open pores not in a car that's trapping heat.

my mouth hung open WIDE and i stared at him and then gave him a firm handshake.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

day four: seven things that cross your mind alot

1) i should really complete the ten day blog posts.

2) what car should i buy?

3) i want a pair of high waisted pants, damnit!

4) i'm here to get ahead. anything else can go drown themselves in their misery.

5) where's my daisy?

6) how do terrible traffic jams on a highway occur?

7) why is the nasi lemak stall NOT open?!! it's been 3 days >:(

Saturday, September 25, 2010

they made me drive s-l-o-w-l-y

am i the only one who is able to get lost even with a gps? i think so. i followed the directions to a T. ok, well almost. and yet, i was quite far off from the location FTS. in fact i was on the opposite side wtf. with the gps, you would think it would eliminate the need to ask for directions. well, today, i've proven that wrong. i had to ask for directions TWICE!

and when i did find the location, i missed the turning when i turned my head and saw the big sign. i can only count my blessings cause i made a turn that wasn't supposed to be made and parked super illegally. i was against the flow of traffic.

RAN to the exam hall and thankfully they weren't strict with the lateness! otherwise i would have cried. i almost did when i made the 1354th wrong turn! in the exam hall, all i could think of was "shit i parked wrongly! shit how am i going to drive out later? shit shit shit" fuck this shit.

never ever rely on the gps. EVER.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

day three: eight ways to win your heart

1) grey's anatomy.

2) men who dress well. being a man is not an excuse for poor dressing.

3) bridget jones diary.

4) men who smell nice. that deep musky smell (i don't think i'm describing it correctly but it's that nice musky masculine cologne!)

5) a bottle of desperado's.

6) hokkien mee.

7) bubble tea.

8) marc jacobs the stam.

my motherland




stumbled upon this video whilst blog hopping. this video truly brought a smile to my face. where else in the world can one person speak in so many different languages and in different accents as well? even when i was in the states and i did the stereotypical blonde talk, my dear american friend was so shocked and amazed that he went slightly ballistic. i almost wanted to become a professional impersonator with such encouragement from him but in my motherland, we exist in every nook and corner. so i scratched that thought.

but this video absolutely takes the cake. nobody else would have understood what he was saying. the little nuances like the head shaking and the hand gestures to the pronunciation of the 'R' in typical cina fashion, it was pure delight!

even the newspaper ad tickled me! i couldnt help exclaiming 'look at that! how cute!'




digi ad taken from here cos google image failed me :(


i got all warm and fuzzy when i saw this ad. yes, i'm sentimental like that.

this reminds me of an incident in london when me, J and Lips were in the bus. we were standing and talking in our typical motherland language when this lady came up to us and asked if we were malaysians. she said she could recognize a fellow countrymen from the way we spoke. now i thought that was super cool. sure, we asians all lookalike but once we open our mouth, we'll know! even when i was in the airport taking taking the transit train to the terminal in orlando airport, i stood next to a malaysian couple (this was cos the lady was wearing a tudung but that's beside the point). they turned to me and asked if i was malaysian? YES! another countrymen! we are all over the damn globe and yet we're easily spottable a mile away. how frickin' awesome is that? even when i was working in SeaWorld, i met a malaysian couple from New York and now we're facebook friends and still keeping in touch :)

manglish should be the national language, i say! now wouldn't that be cool to be able to have our very own language where only people from the motherland can understand?

happy belated malaysia day!

Saturday, September 18, 2010

day two: nine things about yourself

1) i can't light a lighter. somehow the thumb being super near to the fire gives me the impression i'll burn my entire hands off.

2) will spend my last spare change on beer. true story.

3) cant put on nail polish properly on my fingernails. and when a professional does it, it'll be botched up barely an hour later. why do i even bother?

4) i am a junkie for romance. but find myself becoming cynical now. noooooooo! give me back my idealism!

5) i cant side park. i blame the driving school for putting poles and making me count them when i side park.

6) when i'm tired and sleepy, i get cranky.

7) can finally ride a bicycle.

8) eats alot when i'm pms-ing.

9) i love quirky things.

Friday, September 17, 2010

day one: ten things you want to say to ten different people right now

1) i would like to buy a one way ticket to san francisco.

2) love ya!

3) let's go somewhere nice.

4) what's for dinner?

5) i want another day off.

6) can you jailbreak my ipod touch?

7) have a safe trip and come home in one piece!

8) can i take unpaid leave?

9) i don't know what i want.

10) here, i quit.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

committed

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now

Day Two: Nine things about yourself

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart

Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot

Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

Day Seven: Four turn offs

Day Eight: Three turn ons

Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now

Day Ten: One confession

Saturday, September 11, 2010

out with the blank spaces

everytime i log into blogger.com, the new template bubble ALWAYS pops up! and everytime i see it, i ignore and go straight to new posts. this time however, i did something way out of my usual routine and paid the price for it.

i've got myself a pretty blue sky and green green grass. i don't know why i had to say green twice.

so pretty i want to sing the hills are alive like the sound of music.

but i shall refrain from doing so for another day.

i wanna do something different. i feel motivated to do something different.

watch this space.

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

the childish things we do

sometimes, in a roomful of adults, i feel like a kid with the special invitation to sit at the adult's table. sipping wine like a grownup with my legs swinging back and forth. excitement bubbling.

then, it dies down as the night goes on.

serious conversation slowly takes a turn into an all to familiar territory. seems that no matter the 'age' group, grownups or young ones, the things we say and talk about goes into the same territory. like a tennis ball that bounces from one side of the court to the other. grownups move between the two. as do young ones trying to be all adult-like.

and then there are the unreasonable ones. pointing fingers like how we used to in kindergarten. we point and we cry.

being all grownup doesn't mean we know everything. it just means we're still kids, in better clothing and higher heels. we're constantly growing up but ultimately, we're all wishing we're 16 years old.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

makes me feel lazy

for the first time in 2 months, i remember how it feels like to bum. suddenly, i feel like i'm a kid again. waking up anytime. with nothing to do but breathe and watch the world go by.

channel surfed and took a nap! a nap, how i miss thee so. naps are like distant memories. now, i will have to hide out in the ladies if i wanted to shut my eyes for a minute!

despite waking up late in the afternoon, i could still take a nap! talk about being a sloth.

i can't wait for the next public holiday!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

is a natural woman



i always thought he was the cute one in 30 rock from the sun. he still is :P

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

who are we to be emotional?

i dont want this state of being that i'm in to fade away. from being at an absolute low point to a moderate high, my perspective looks a lil' clearer now. before this, it was a hazy blur. being THAT lost can really give you a kick in the behind! i wouldnt wish that on anyone but i think this is what they call part of growing up.

life, oh life!






look in my face

today, i had myself a really good day :)

so don't rain on my parade.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

it's a lil' bit dangerous but

i need know what i want in a world that constantly changes. one moment, i believe that i can do the impossible. and the next i'm free falling. this constant pull in opposite directions is enough to make my world spin. and i'm dizzy and nauseous already. the only way to beat it is maybe to excel in it. put on a thicker skin. be devoid of emotions for now. don't let things be personal. after all, it's only a business transaction that we're after. why let things be so attached to me? detach myself from it. look in from the outside.

in a nutshell; suck it up.

Friday, August 13, 2010

the benefit of mr kite.

he spills coffee on the sidewalk. he looks at his empty styrofoam cup. he half turns then changes his mind and looks at his empty cup once again. spilt caffein spells fuck. my. life. that was his last 5 dollars and it was supposed to last him the whole day. the coffee. not the 5 dollars. coffee alone can sustain the man. he tosses the styrofoam cup away into the bin and walks off. looks at his watch. fuck, it's 8.56. no coffee. he couldn't decide which was worst. that his girlfriend of 7 years doesn't want to marry him or that his best friend of 20 years was cheating on his sister. on a normal day. hell, i'll even call it perfect day, the thought of what lies ahead seems bearable. with coffee in his bloodstream. it was a like drug. no mornings can go by without a sip of that dark liquid. nothing but the darkness and aromatic smell of a cup of coffee from the corner coffee joint to make a man feel like he just had his best fuck. don't tell his girlfriend that. 7 years and the 7 year itch starts to surface. he might just have unprotected sex with the stranger he met in the club last week. they were firm. he didnt need to touch them to know. it was written all over her face. she was hunting. he wasnt. damn. what was i thinking? 7 years and she didnt want to settle. just yet, she says. his wallet, empty save for a picture of him and the woman he loves and a maxed out credit card.

the sidewalk stained from the coffee that spilleth from the styrofoam cup washed clean by the drizzling rain. he curses.


Tuesday, August 10, 2010

just like magic, without the mushrooms.

and i am back to normal. default mode wtf. i have to say, i went a bit cuckoo the past few days. no idea what came over me but i think i have kinda settled down a bit now. i needed the option of knowing that i could get out anytime and not have to settle. wow, does that make me commitment-phobic? i hope not. i go around the whole world giving off vibes that i am very easily committed but in the end i'm actually not. then my whole life would have been a TOTAL lie +____+ how will i tell my unborn children this one day?! dont say anything? then one lie leads to another wtf. and the world still keeps spinning. gravity is still pulling us down. i digress.

despite me saying that i am okay now, i can only take this okay-ness temporarily because what i'm doing now is temporary. i'm not gonna make this a permanent fixture in my life. no. if anything, this is one step into another and then, BIG TIME FAME AND FORTUNE MUAHAHAHAHA!

you'll never know. nobody will but that's okay. to know that my problems, no matter how big i make them out to be, is in fact, a speck of dust that i can swat off.

this is me, swatting that damn dust away.

poof.

sprinkle some fairy dust to make the pain and tears go away. abracadabra. beeppity boppity boo. pumpkin turns to a horse-drawn carriage. one fine day, my dear...one fine day.


Monday, August 09, 2010

junk in the trunk.

needs to get out of this funk. i think i might be digging a hole that i cant get out of.


Friday, August 06, 2010

cruise control

lately, there's been some complications. things were moving along fine. i'm going 90km/h and then from out of nowhere (blindspot wtf) this other option is moving along side me at 60km/h. now, i have to rethink the structure and possibly pave a new road. now listen here, it took me quite some time to actually move at the speed that i'm moving now. here i am slowly gaining confidence and then this moves into view and i'm forced to look at it and make way for it to cut into my lane. don't you hate options? don't you wish that you were just told what to do from birth so complications like this don't arise?

know your destiny. know your fate. know your path.

sounds like something spiderman's uncle would say. "with great power comes great responsibilities".

am i even in the right path? i'm beginning to see a pattern here. staying in this path, i may very well be here for life. deviate now and i might just find greener pastures. or not. see, this is where complications arise from. i'm at a crossroads.

i can only take comfort in the fact that i am still young. any mistakes now i can blame on my youth. but what's the mistake that i'm willing to make? i've already made one before. if it wasn't for self-sabotage, i might be in the right path. but there's no right or wrong. there's only what's right or what's wrong for me. so akhirnya, it's all down to me anyways. no one else. i am the one driving anyways. crash or smooth-sailing depends on me. my shoulders can't take it. my legs are turning to jelly. can't even think anymore.

where are the days where i can just cruise? jalan-jalan tak endahkan apa-apa.



Monday, August 02, 2010

bordering on vulgar.

my mother pointed out a job ad to me today, paying a ridiculous amount of money.

rm57,000

a month!

that is an obscene amount of money!


Wednesday, July 28, 2010

your silence is slowly killing me. oh yeah.

the month of july is coming to an end. this also marks the one month of me stepping foot into new territory AND surviving! people ask me how is work and the only thing i can say is 'so far so good'. because really, so far all is good. i am literally fish out of water. aiming to be in this one industry and then turning 180 into another direction. life is funny that way. i moved along thinking i knew what i wanted and working towards that but then comes a curveball from my blindside and i'm swept up in the current. i can only thank the BIG MAN up in the heavens because He has been looking out for me and guiding my way through and through. it's not all peaches and creams though cause there are days i find myself questioning what in the world am i doing here? the thought of quitting has come to mind many times but only for a moment. i've turned down a pretty good offer once without even giving it a chance to develop and i'm living in the aftereffects of it now. so no fucking way am i giving up so easily. sure, i feel like screaming and kicking and punching but the urge goes just as quickly as it comes.

like today.

wasn't exactly a top-notch day. today, i question myself, do i truly belong here? i never got an answer. cause there isn't one. we don't ever truly belong. we move. we float. we fly. we swim. we tread along dangerous waters. walking on the edge of a cliff. i can be one or the other, so what's to hold me down and tie me up? i feel like sometimes, life is overrated. i don't want to be all philosophical or critical about life but there are days when i wonder why we do the things we do? why is it so simple for some to move through life. living isn't easy but the journey that takes us through it...priceless. mastercard, hire me already wtf.

i was a little frustrated and a little annoyed, now i'm just tired and drained.



Monday, July 26, 2010

copa cabana

a weekend away from the city was just what i needed. to be away from the familiar. but not like i was entering into the unknown. going back there brought me back to the year before when i was still an undergraduate. but nothing more shall be said. what happens on the island stays on the island.

last year, i was learning to ride a bicycle. this year, i was cycling on my own to the town center albeit with a few hiccups here and there. i've got the bumps to prove it and it's not a pretty sight :(

i also rode on a banana boat for the first time! honestly, i was quite terrified at first. the thought of falling of the boat was enough to make me pee in my pants! then when the 'fall' came, i was like that wasn't so bad. sure, i had sea water in my eyes, mouth and nose but that's okay. i am now macho-fied wtf.

all the fun stuff was great and all but what struck me most was that, there's actually plenty to see and do right here. in the country. we went island hopping and i saw these natural rock formations that had rocks looking like a turtle, an elephant and a crocodile! dude, what's the Stonehenge or the Colliseum compared to this? i kid, i kid. they are two different things but all i'm saying is, take a weekend off and just drive to another state or take a ferry to an island. the island hopping activity was me being a tourist in my own country and it felt really nice to know that we have things to see and do too.

even looking from the outside into the luxury hotel made me feel that much more determined to earn enough to spend 1,500 ringgit for a night in that luxurious hotel. that or a night or two in the four seasons in langkawi. now that's living the life! no backpacking and budget nonsense. lifestyle upgrade, yo!

true blood season 3 is back :D i am torn between watching it online or watching it on hbo. wtf of course i'm not torn! online ftw rah rah rah. and i find it ridiculously funny that our local radio stations have to cut/censor the word 'whiskey' in Lady Antebellum's Need You Now. the word is just mashed up but we ALL know that they're saying the word 'whiskey'. what idiots!


Saturday, July 24, 2010

sunshine through my window

got myself a great parking spot.

had me some chee cheong fun for breakfast. got some loose ends tied up nicely. had me some good food for dinner. got mail and in it was free stuff teeheehee!

awesome possum day today.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

have my cake and eat it too.

some days, i just want to be left alone. do my own thing. watch a movie on my own. eat by myself in a restaurant and just not have to make conversation. just me and a book in a quiet corner where i can look up and watch the world go by. to be alone sometimes is the one thing we find hard to do but sometimes it's good for the soul.

sometimes it's so chaotic out there. and everything is just a blur. i need a moment of clarity. for that moment to just hit pause for a minute or two and then things can resume to the way they were. one moment of peace and tranquility and just silence and me alone with my thoughts. to make a little sense of what is going on. to know that i'm going the right way but even if it's the wrong way, it's okay. there's always a junction or the U-turn. but things move forward. time still moves on. days are counted down.

and we continue doing the things we do.

i think i'm just itching for it to be the end of the month. but i suppose it's that time of the month where all the senses are a little whacked out. the joys of being a woman.

Monday, July 19, 2010

for the love of films

i have hopes of one day making my own film because of you.

i have a grown a little love for local films and i HAVE seen more local films because of you. i even wrote my paper on a local movie which left such an indelible mark on me.

i appreciate films a little much more because of you. some of my favourite films came out of your class.

tiny effects you left in my views and ideas will be forever carried on.

the little knowledge i had about filmmaking was expanded in your class. storyboarding and scriptwriting left me wanting more. inspired to make my own film.

thank you, ben. you are what a university experience should be like. igniting that hidden passion.

thank you.

may you rest in peace.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

this is how i roll


when driving on the highway during peak hours, i came to realize that driving in the middle lane is faster compared to the fast lane. why is that so? to be honest, i don't understand why jams even occur in the first place!

cars are aplenty every hour of every day. but somehow or rather it's just slower and much more snail-paced than necessary during peak hours. and there's no particular reason for it cause after a 101 km of crawling along the highway, there's this sudden gap where cars can suddenly fly by! amazing like magic.

yeah sure, you can argue that it's jam during peak hours cause there's a higher percentage of cars on the road but it's a bloody straight road! and sure, there are exits left and right but then shouldn't the jam occur only on one side if cars are exiting on their respective sides?

NO. of course not. drivers like to cut in from the other lane when they are an inch away from the exit hence blocking the smooth flow of traffic. no driving ethics at all. if everyone played their part then jams wouldn't occur. then there would be no peak hours and traffic jams. even the word traffic jam is flawed wtf. traffic jam would imply that there's a traffic light somewhere, anywhere in order for there to be a traffic jam. highways don't have traffic lights! oh wait, i suppose the bloody red and green lights above them toll booths are considered to be one wtfwtf.

my other vice with driving is that of the motorcyclists. this is mainly on the main roads but i don't discount the highways cause somehow or rather they're there anyways despite having their own lane on the far left. they are like flies and i imagine myself to be the fly swatter. very annoying when i want to cut into the next lane. not only do i have to look out for the cars, i have to look out for them motorcyclists too and they come in droves. ZOOM ZOOM ZOOMING by you. want to cut into the next lane already but at the far back you can see this tiny figure on two-wheels looming closer and closer. you think you can make it in time to squeeze ahead of the car but that bike is just speeding in. then you waste that opportunity to squeeze in and thus have to continue crawling in your respective lane, awaiting once again for the next opportunity to cut into the next lane with your fingers crossed this time, please don't let there be a bike zooming by!

but being a tolerant driver, i control. anger management and yoga breathing exercises wtf. i kid. i have no road rage although there are times i wish to drive like them drivers in those video games where i can ram into the back of the car in front of me and laugh evilly like this, MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

that'd be one less thing to do in my lifetime.

but despite my rant, i do enjoy driving. especially driving alone with good music playing in the background. and sometimes i especially like driving in the rain! somehow, it's very soothing and relaxing to watch the rain water splash and then swooshed away by the wipers. but most of all, i like the sound of rain and thunder. but those sound better when i'm under my comforter in bed with the lights turned off in the night skies.

what's best is what i saw after the rain;



i got really excited when i saw the rainbow! it's been awhile since i last one so i immediately whipped out my camera which was conveniently located on my lap. boys and girls if you're reading this, don't send SMSes when driving and use a handsfree when driving but only when stuck in the jam cause you're mostly crawling on the road otherwise DON'T even think of using your phone! it's been said talking on the phone when driving is the same as drunk driving. you're not concentrating on the driving anymore. VERY DANGEROUS! end of community service message.

seeing that rainbow made my day :)

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Ned. vs. Esp.

last match!

imma go to bed now and wake up early. for realz, yo!



Thursday, July 08, 2010

gerhana

during dinner, i was telling my mother that eclipse is showing today. she says no. it's showing on the 11th. i said, 'do you want to bet with me that eclipse is showing today?'.

she hesitated.

AH-HA! not confident, eh?

we dropped the subject.

after dinner, i was flipping through the papers and came across the eclipse poster with a big header at the bottom SHOWING NOW. i pointed it out to my mother. 'NAHHHHH...SEE!'

o_O

i thought you were talking about the sun/moon eclipse! how i know you were talking about the vampire/werewolf?

+____+


booyeah!

2.29AM i snoozed till 3AM.

15 minutes of first half baby. if you placed your bets and won, you can give yourself the satisfaction of knowing that paul the octopus is not the only one who can predict.

netherlands ftw.

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

'hi, are you awake?"

i had a fml moment today.

it's world cup season now. semifinals going on. gung-ho me wanted to watch the Netherland vs. Uruguay match. so i set my alarm for 2.30AM. of course, it rings. and of course, in deep slumber i was 'fuck it, i need my sleep' and shut the alarm off. then came the vital alarm ring. my 6AM wake up call. of course, i snoozed it. and the next rings after snoozing it. final wake up call came from my mother* at 7.20AM. FML.

*yes, my mother called me through the phone. one of the wonders of technology.

i woke up late not because i was watching the match but because i woke up too many times to snooze the damn alarm.

seriously. only ridiculous things like this can happen to me.

but i am going to be optimistic and take something from this. now i know that if push comes to shove, i can get ready in 10minutes. from jumping out of bed in total and absolute shock to being presentable for work. and if that's not good enough news, i also managed to get to KL in time, leaving my house at 7.45AM!

tell me laa, how am i not a rockstar after this? if i can fit everything into my luggage and drag it down the stairs in York and get to KL in time for my training at 8.45AM, i should have my name in the rock&roll hall of fame already!

ps: i am going to push my luck tonight. i definitely want to watch the germany vs spain match so i will head to bed before 10PM i swear and wake up at 2AM, suit up and watch the match. sleep on the couch and dash to work at 7AM. is that a PLAN or what? i is brilliant.

pss: we'll see how it goes. place your bets wtf.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

say what?

i fell asleep on the couch watching two and a half men. woke up, took my shower and finally took everything out from my bags. now my table is a mess. whatevs. i'll deal with them tomorrow.

i unpacked with a heavy heart because that meant that my holidays was finally, officially over. after many months of carefree days, i now open up a new chapter of my life.

jolly good.

but i'm not exactly up and about trying to prepare for tomorrow. instead i'm busy youtubing songs from Les Miserables! sighhh watching it on youtube makes me want to watch it again live!

bahh.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

confusion says...

i am taking a break from thinking. thinking of what to bring and what not to bring. i keep thinking i will need this and that but then i sit and think harder and now i have 2 different thoughts on whether i REALLY REALLY need it or not. then i get confused and throw a hissy fit. which leads me to blogging so i don't have to think. which is ironic cause i STILL have to think. cause now that i think about it, typing it out only makes matters that more tangible and not just in my head anymore. what am i blabbering on about?! aiyaya. fuck this shit. imma go to bed now.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

made up of choices.

just had the most exhilarating 80 plus minutes. i cried and wiped tears on the sleeves of my shirt because i didn't want to press pause and get up to get the tissue.

THAT is why grey's anatomy is my all-time favourite series. ALL-TIME! i cried and laughed and my heart was pumping all in ONE episode. who does that?! who can do that in ONE episode?! shonda rimes you rock. you absofuckintutely rock.

jesse williams, you can look into my eyes anytime. ANYTIME.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

popped.

as a friend, good news should be received with encouragement and support. not a straight letdown that brings a high to fuckin' down low. a burst to a bubble. splashing a bucket of freezing cold water into ones hopes and dreams. you may not be sincere about it but have the decency to say a kind word or two before you step, spit and condemn. it's only polite. wouldn't hold it against you anyways. but to undermine and then inject sarcasm into words you think sound encouraging only makes it worst and reflects what kind of a person you are. sure, it's known fact that negativity is what drives you. never held it against you. in fact, it's part of you. as a friend, it's become your 'charm', so to speak. but as a friend, the least you could do was pretend to be happy. for one day. then you can condemn and spit all you want another day. i wouldn't have cared as much. it's just unacceptable. i'm not saying that you can't voice your opinion on the matter but there are times when some things are just better left unsaid.

i guess it's hard, eh, to keep something to yourself. especially in times when opinions and comments on everything is rampant. gotta say something, anything, to stand out. social settings and situations have protocols too. you can't learn these things, so i guess it can't be blamed really. being a little more aware of what can or can't be said is probably a skill you will have to learn with time. for your sake, i hope it'll be sooner rather than later. it's one thing to not have a kind word to say. but it's another to give off the impression that you are holier than thou. not everything in life is peaches and cream. we would be in utopia then. fact of life is hardships are abundant. if things were so easy, stress free, why bother slogging away in school studying for hardcore exams at such an early age only to face rejection after rejection in life. i hope you realize that things have to start from somewhere. some have it easy and some have it hard. cest la vie. to give up after facing ONE hardship, i wish you the best in life. life is one hardship after another. it's not the hardships that define who or what we are. it's how we overcome them and come out triumphant on the other side of it all. stories you hear cannot and shouldn't define and mold your thoughts and views. i know. i allowed it to take control once. but i learn from it. and am in a better position now because of it.

it's your attitude. why be so negative? you're not even cautious or fearful. you just take the bad and go with it. letting the bad overtake and lead the path to your glory. i shouldn't even be surprised by what you said. looking for the best in a person when really, sometimes there just isn't. and that's not really my problem, eh? we're still friends because i'm not one to hold grudges. knowing who you are as a person, your character and attitude, i don't hold it against you. but it hurts, not gonna lie about it. words hurt. they hurt worst than a slap in the face or a punch to the gut. bruises heal. words remain forever. in the mind. and the mind is a dangerous thing. a very dangerous place.

Monday, May 17, 2010

stop the chit-chat.

i just did a 180 degree turn. like hello, i never would have imagined myself in this position. i'd tell you but i don't want to.

trials and tribulations happen. if they don't kill me, they only make me stronger. when one door closes, another opens.

bliss.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

greater things to come.

things work out the way they do for a reason. only time will tell how things will be panned out. still optimistic and hopeful. not as down and out as i thought i would be. the big man upstairs knows what's going on. i don't, but i live on the faith and hope that what's happening now will lead to greater things to come.

what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.

word.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

the middle of the week.

WEDNESDAY IS HERE!

the longest week will finally come to an end. i have found inner peace within myself ohhhhhmmmmm.

Monday, May 10, 2010

make or break.

last week i said 'this will be the longest week. ever.' today, it'll be the longest 3 days ever. tomorrow, it'll be the longest 2 days ever. and the story goes on.

despite me having doubts and uncertainty, the future suddenly never seemed brighter. i sincerely hope that this will be it. no more other uncertainties. but to have a mental and emotional breakdown on that day; suicide and self-sabotage :( i can only hope for the best and see that my light shines through till the very end.

and i pray.