good scream and a good shout

i did it! got my foot in the door. so why aren't i as excited as i should be?

possibilities are endless but i think it's the comfort level i'm in. my roots are beginning to be planted and the fear of change is inevitable. but then again, i'm embracing the change. if i don't, i will NEVER know. and never is such a strong word. too strong to let it slide away from me.

ok. enough cryptic talk. can't say more cos i don't reveal too much here anyways. that's just how i roll.

i just got my hands on florence + the machine and hello, why hasn't anyone told me how awesome they are?!

imagine me and you...so happy together

had a FML moment this afternoon.

appointment to meet client in pavilion between the hours of 1.30 to 2pm. i arrived 1.20pm, received sms from said client to meet at 2pm. i haven't had my lunch so i queued up at kfc (imagine me and you...so happy together!) the line was massively long (lunch time. fml 1 me 0) already stood in line for close to 20 minutes when the sms came;

'meet you in coffeebean in 5 minutes'

+______+ ... -__________- ... WTF ...

i had a fight or flight moment. literally.

the better part of me screwed it and walked from one end of pavilion to the other cos said client had to choose to meet at the coffeebean located at the alfresco area instead of the in the centre court. fml 2 me 0.

fine. no complains cos i'm too nice for my own damn good sometimes.

about 10 minutes later, i left coffeebean and hurried back to kfc (imagine me and you...so happy together!) and to my joy, the queue pretty much non-existent. but that would just mean i would score myself 1 but NO! the universe was feeling pretty sadistic i reckon. 2 opened counters therefore 2 lines. i queue up behind line no.1 and customer just walked in queues behind line no.2. suddenly manager asks to open counter 3 to take order for man who is standing in line no.2. +____+ i thought cashier will layan me and serve me next but NO! she pushed the Counter Close sign further front after customer leaves. fml 3 me 0. nevermind. i wait patiently even though i was slowly dying a hungry death. then lady in line 2 moves away and man who just walked in who stands behind lady gets to take order while i wait behind fellow who for some reason took FOREVER to order fried chicken.

fml 1,000,000 me 0 x infinity.

by the time i reached my turn, my stomach was playing the orchestra rivaling all the orchestras in the world combined. but i had my fried chicken and is very. the. satisfied.

i was so happy, i even had myself a side order of fries cause i was delirious by the time it came to my turn at the cashier i could have ordered everything on the menu. but some semblance of self-control was still intact and that fries made me quite a happy child.

imagine me and you...so happy together

had a FML moment this afternoon.

appointment to meet client in pavilion between the hours of 1.30 to 2pm. i arrived 1.20pm, received sms from said client to meet at 2pm. i haven't had my lunch so i queued up at kfc (imagine me and you...so happy together!) the line was massively long (lunch time. fml 1 me 0) already stood in line for close to 20 minutes when the sms came;

'meet you in coffeebean in 5 minutes'

+______+ ... -__________- ... WTF ...

i had a fight or flight moment. literally.

the better part of me screwed it and walked from one end of pavilion to the other cos said client had to choose to meet at the coffeebean located at the alfresco area instead of the in the centre court. fml 2 me 0.

fine. no complains cos i'm too nice for my own damn good sometimes.

about 10 minutes later, i left coffeebean and hurried back to kfc (imagine me and you...so happy together!) and to my joy, the queue pretty much non-existent. but that would just mean i would score myself 1 but NO! the universe was feeling pretty sadistic i reckon. 2 opened counters therefore 2 lines. i queue up behind line no.1 and customer just walked in queues behind line no.2. suddenly manager asks to open counter 3 to take order for man who is standing in line no.2. +____+ i thought cashier will layan me and serve me next but NO! she pushed the Counter Close sign further front after customer leaves. fml 3 me 0. nevermind. i wait patiently even though i was slowly dying a hungry death. then lady in line 2 moves away and man who just walked in who stands behind lady gets to take order while i wait behind fellow who for some reason took FOREVER to order fried chicken.

fml 1,000,000 me 0 x infinity.

by the time i reached my turn, my stomach was playing the orchestra rivaling all the orchestras in the world combined. but i had my fried chicken and is very. the. satisfied.

omg it's 11

currently listening to peter grant's happy together. can't help but tap my feet along to the infectious beat :) also doesn't help that i'm thinking of KFC as i'm listening to it. didn't KFC use this song in their ads in the 90s?

i had a McD's cravings today and i thought i could rush it but the rain was wicked. there was a point where i could hardly see the roads at all cause the rain was that HEAVY! i stared longingly at the clock thinking i could make a MAD dash to McD's before the meeting started but the more rational me took control of the situation. aiyoh, if only i could be more all action and no thinking! do do do DO! just do it wtf.

so now, i am left carrying this McD craving till i SATISFY the bloody craving. you have no idea. close friends will tell you that once i have a craving, it won't go away till i sink my teeth into that glorious piece of delectable craving of the mo'!

the most exciting thing to happen in the office came in the form of a surprise birthday! not mine but if you're wondering, it's coming in about 3 months time :D ice-cream cake for everyone!

so that was my first day of work for 2011. hope yours sounds as good as mine!

doubt it!

twentyten

it's really bad timing to be sick now but there's nothing i can do about it. i feel the trickles of a sore throat coming and my nose is already giving way to a full out flu. soon. unless i have like 1000 x infinity intakes of vitamin C now. but that would just make things worst, wont it?so what's a soon to be sick girl to do on the eve of a public holiday (way to go Harimau Malaysia yea yea yea) and NYE? i reminisce of the year that is soon to be called the year that was. 2010 has been a test of many a things. i feel like i've been riding the highs and drowning in the lows. and to be standing at this point and staring at the view before me, 2010 has certainly made me grow a lil' wiser and definitely more 'tahan lasak'! if i can go through the worst days of my life and then make a 180 degree turn from that, i say 2010 has been crazy. if i cried more tears than the last five years combined, i say bring on the tissues. fyi, i think crying frees the soul. so if there's anger or sadness cry it out, sister! or brother (men today are so different from the generation before us).

in no particular order, here are some of the highlights of my 2010;

#1

graduation! this was one of the best days of my life!

#2

lips turning 21. the highlight was the after-party! i will say no more.

#3

chinese new year!

#4

first family holiday of the year

#5

turning a year older...

#6

random shenanigans

#7

london for the very first time!

#8

appreciating modern art

#9

discovering that we are modern artists in the making! all those pictures taken in the toilet mirror has not been in vain.

#10

according to Jman, i had a miley cyrus moment but i dont care. it was the highlight of my trip hands down ;D

#11

discovering stroopwaffles for the first time!

#12

the famous duckrice experience after 2 failed attempts.

#13

in the midst of the world cup fever, i visited Liverpool.

so that's some of the highlights of my 2010.

happy 2011, folks!

last Xmas i gave you my heart

i think the more you want something, the harder it is to get it. and then you wait. patiently, impatiently is a whole other matter but you wait. and when it's within grasp, you reach out your hand. touch it and pull your hand back like you would touching a hot pot sitting on a stove. just a touch and you begin to rethink the entire situation. but you want more cos that slight touch has ignited and stirred this hidden desire. suddenly i'm trying to find ways to keep trying to catch this enigma. i sit here and think about it when i should really be doing something about it.

really, i just want somebody to loveeeeeeeee...justin beiber tells me so all the time.

it's a promise.

cast your burdens on Me and I will look after you (Psalm 55:22)

i'm lovin' it

good news should come in a happy package but somehow, this doesnt exactly warrant one. plus, it coming earlier than it should makes it even the more exciting. but it's an emotional blackhole. try as i might to make myself LIKE the work that i'm doing and i do that pretty often whenever i'm alone. i tell myself, 'hey, this isn't so bad, eh?' or 'i'm already doing it anyways, i can do it for a longer term, eh?' fuck this shit. it's the road to denial, innit? but self motivation is there so i guess credits got to be given, no?

want to know what i really wish for? that life doesn't have to go a certain way. i know there are no rules when it comes to livin' the life i want to live but i put myself there anyways. there are steps and measures to be taken that was set up a long long time ago which have been followed through by many and i think i've pretty much aced those steps so why aren't i happy? right now, i earn enough to buy the things that i want (within budget of course which really isnt that much in the first place, eh?) and yet, that really isn't enough to keep me afloat. try as i may, my arms are getting tired and numb from all that treading to keep afloat. throw me a life buoy right now.

i know of friends who have found their happiness in life. and they succeeded in their first try and here i am suffocating.

truth be told, half the time i honestly don't know what i'm doing. when i say i go with the flow, i literally go with the flow. and i'm hoping the flow will take me to boogie town where i can whip my hair back and forth and just be...happy.

i whip my hair back and forth

left, right and centre, i only hear discouragement.

what do you do in times like these?

the million dollar question i can NEVER give a straight answer to; what do you want?

i mean, in the general sense of the word, there are many material things that i would love to have but that's not what they're really asking me. so really, what do i want?

a career. check. but a career in what?

a boyfriend. yes but don't ask me why i don't have one now. actually, don't ask anyone why they don't have one. it could be a life choice and not a condition.

a blackberry. oh yes! with a data plan too just so i can tweet about random shit that happens to me on the spot ie. a bloody kancil just flashed me on the fast lane?!. i always tweet about it in my head so i figure having access to the net 24/7 will make me uber happy.

oh santa, if you're real, i would really like to know,

what happens next?

walking distance

things seem to be progressing positively. but that's just on the surface. it's when you dig deeper where you find the rough edges, bumps and twist and turns. everyday i tell myself, something better will come along. in the grander scheme of things, this will all lead to something.

something.

something.

something.

what thing?

round the clock

i saw way too many teenyboppers today. but that wasn't the worst part. nothing can beat this.

i got a call this morning. picked it up and what do you know, it was a customer enquiring. fine, yada yada yada, then he asked if i am working today? no. it's a public holiday.

oh, so you don't work round the clock?

jaw drop. face palm. head desk.

the many fascinating levels of how the human mind can function and form ridiculous statements such as the above, baffles me.

talking to the moon

is it called giving up or letting go when you decide it's for the best to quit?

am i giving up? sure, i can hold on a lil' longer but should i, after knowing for a fact that i absolutely can't stand this anymore?

or am i actually letting go and allowing myself to finally go pursue something else that i want. something that i want on my own without anyone pushing me towards to it, painted views and aspirations on the back of my head.

i don't need no permission to stop or start. i just need support.

the other side

this feeling of dread isnt supposed to be this bad. i am literally dreading monday.

if only quitting were that easy.

it's literally 4o minutes before midnight and here i am having this heavy heart and dread about tomorrow. i am literally afraid of my handphone. everytime it rings, i say a little prayer, hoping that it's either my parents or a friend. i want to cry about it but crying only gives me a swollen eye the next day. this is unhealthy right, if i keep telling anyone who would listen how much i hate this.

and i do. hate this.

yes, i am an idealist with very romantic ideas about life.

and it sucks.

singing the

m-m-monday blues...

big bang

at the traffic light today, i saw a heartbroken man cry. he was furious, an emotional wreck. slamming on the window and biting his hand because the physical pain was much more bearable than the ache he felt in his heart.

he was crying.

while she sat there, stone-faced and emotionless amidst the tidal waves of pain and anguish circulating in that tiny space.

he was screaming.

she was silent.

i've never seen a man cry like that. not in real life. the car was shaking from the angry and hurt vibrations emanating from every pore of his body. the heat could scald your skin if you dared to go near him.

she was cold as ice.

he couldn't control his tears. they kept blurring his vision. he couldn't wipe them away like the wipers that wiped the rain drops away. his sleeves were soaked. soaked with the tears that seemed to stream from a broken tap that just won't stop.

his hands were bruised.

from hitting the steering wheel. from flinging his arms all over the tiny space of a car that seemed better fit for a 12 year old than a grown man. he only kept hitting the side window because that pain was real and controllable. but really, that pain could be healed in a day or two. what he felt then, it was forever.

he was heartbroken.

at least that was how i saw it. the woman beside him. another being just like i. just like him. but she wasn't just another woman. he was hurt. and she was the cause of the hurt. he kept wiping tears away.

while she sat there in silence.

green light.

and we'll move on to the next thing till another red light stops us.

Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done

1) giving up. i quit ballet and piano. the not-so-saving grace; i was young and stupid.

2) impulse buying.

3) agreeing to things that i dont want to do

4) missed opportunities

5) screw up the interview. things could be different. better or worse, i dont know. but definitely different.

6) procrastinate

from ny to la

once again, i broke down. and this time, it hit me hard. harder than before. do i wait for the final straw or just let things continue on and keep on accepting the hardblows as they come?

i need to get out of here.

the art of winning

tonight was the first time i left the office at 10pm. the business is getting crazier. my phone rings ALL the frickin' time. i have THIS bunch of files pending on my desk. and still there's more coming in. after 4 months into the job, it is starting to get challenging. i don't have time to pee. but that's just because the toilet is far.

today i got a pleasant surprise on my desk. no, it wasn't my dream man seating naked on my desk but close. before leaving for my appointment, i locked my computer. so when i got back in the evening, i moved my mouse and keyed in my password. then when i saw that my email and documents weren't popping up on the screen, i went 'WHO TOUCHED MY COMPUTER >:('

AND that was when i realized something was amiss. i could see the keys on my keyboard clearly. that's weird. then i looked at the monitor. it's brighter. HOLY CRAP i got new toy! that totally made my day.

i don't know how i could miss that.

oh yeah, cos i work hard for my money.

today was supposed to end well when i got a call from time out kl. was told i won tix to catch paramore live. fuck me, this would be the first time i win something that i truly wanted. but that came crashing down when i received another call late evening telling me i was only shortlisted. what that means is that i'll only get tix when the winners don't collect them. yeah, like that's going to happen. bloody idiots. how can this happen? i asked them what they were going to compensate me with and they said i could get their magazine. such joy. i was going to sing praises about time out kl but not anymore. this isn't some kuntum magazine organizing some workshop to improve your math skills. this is an international magazine organizing a concert and they make blunders like this? so does that mean they've been calling up the 'wrong' winners today?

if i wasnt so swamped up at work i would have given them a piece of my mind. it's ridiculous really. it's like giving somebody a birthday present and then taking it back the next day. and don't get me started on that gossip writer from the star. she has a section in the star rage on celebrity gossip. anyways, i joined an online contest where you guessed the celebrity or some shit like that and wahseh, i got all the answers right (E! why don't you hire me already?!) and won myself 2 movie tickets. got the email to send in my address. replied the email. 6-8 months later? i'm still waiting. in between then and now i sent in an email asking her where my tickets are and no reply. professional.

so i suppose i have something to learn here. don't do unto others what you dont want done unto you.

looks like it'll be another busy day tomorrow.

cause everyone has something to say on this perfect 10 day

while others are busy getting married on this day of 101010, i was busy staying put in one place and just sitting still. i didnt have to rush for a dateline or reply an email or photocopy documents. all i had to worry about was food and what dvd to watch next. i didnt even have to worry about my phone ringing from customers who are clearly paranoid about something that could wait till monday. but i digress. this day of sunday, 10 october 2010 was a perfect day. so perfect, i'm getting the monday blues before monday rolls in :(

i watched 3 movies today and one of them made it into my favourite list. before the film ended too!

chocolat starring juliette binoche and johnny depp.

everything in it was...delectable!

sexy.

i want to learn how to make chocolate and then open my own chocolaterie.

sneaky sneaky

3 months and a week ago, i went through a major change. once again, i'm back where i started. new location. new people. new system. it's the same old same old yet different. i told myself that i shouldnt get too comfortable in my comfort zone and obviously i didnt listen to my own advice. nevertheless, good change. new lessons to be learned. i'm looking at the same things differently now.

conclusion. i'm changing. i'm upping my game, homie.

please note that i didnt quit my job. i'm still employed by the same employer, only difference is the location. i just thought i should i have a disclaimer incase some of you wanted to toast/console me wtf.

this is too good to not share. parking in DU absolutely sucks. it's so bad they double park everywhere that it's now legal!

no. i made that up but it sure does feel like it.

being the law abiding citizen that i am *proud wtf* i parked in a proper yellow box. at about 3pm, i had to go out and there i find my car blocked by a another car and to make matters worst, i couldnt get into the driver's seat cause a green motorcycle was blocking my way. FTS i couldnt get access into my car to honk the two bastards who were blocking me! i wanted to phyically move the bike away but was afraid doing so would break my nails. so i went to the passenger seat and sat there and honked away.

bloody hell. the driver of the car blocking me was standing by his car the whole time doing gawd knows what under the bloody hot sun and there i was sweating my fats away and he didnt hear or see me?! only when the guy who drove the green bike came running out of the '4 ekor' shop did the man behind take note and commented 'eh, your car is it? i didnt see the driver so i didnt know you want to come out'.

PLUS the bike owner even said 'you mau keluar ar?' bloody hell do i look like i'm enjoying myself in the car in this weather?! if i did i would be in a sauna forcing my fats to seep out through my open pores not in a car that's trapping heat.

my mouth hung open WIDE and i stared at him and then gave him a firm handshake.