confusion says...

i am taking a break from thinking. thinking of what to bring and what not to bring. i keep thinking i will need this and that but then i sit and think harder and now i have 2 different thoughts on whether i REALLY REALLY need it or not. then i get confused and throw a hissy fit. which leads me to blogging so i don't have to think. which is ironic cause i STILL have to think. cause now that i think about it, typing it out only makes matters that more tangible and not just in my head anymore. what am i blabbering on about?! aiyaya. fuck this shit. imma go to bed now.

made up of choices.

just had the most exhilarating 80 plus minutes. i cried and wiped tears on the sleeves of my shirt because i didn't want to press pause and get up to get the tissue.

THAT is why grey's anatomy is my all-time favourite series. ALL-TIME! i cried and laughed and my heart was pumping all in ONE episode. who does that?! who can do that in ONE episode?! shonda rimes you rock. you absofuckintutely rock.

jesse williams, you can look into my eyes anytime. ANYTIME.

popped.

as a friend, good news should be received with encouragement and support. not a straight letdown that brings a high to fuckin' down low. a burst to a bubble. splashing a bucket of freezing cold water into ones hopes and dreams. you may not be sincere about it but have the decency to say a kind word or two before you step, spit and condemn. it's only polite. wouldn't hold it against you anyways. but to undermine and then inject sarcasm into words you think sound encouraging only makes it worst and reflects what kind of a person you are. sure, it's known fact that negativity is what drives you. never held it against you. in fact, it's part of you. as a friend, it's become your 'charm', so to speak. but as a friend, the least you could do was pretend to be happy. for one day. then you can condemn and spit all you want another day. i wouldn't have cared as much. it's just unacceptable. i'm not saying that you can't voice your opinion on the matter but there are times when some things are just better left unsaid.

i guess it's hard, eh, to keep something to yourself. especially in times when opinions and comments on everything is rampant. gotta say something, anything, to stand out. social settings and situations have protocols too. you can't learn these things, so i guess it can't be blamed really. being a little more aware of what can or can't be said is probably a skill you will have to learn with time. for your sake, i hope it'll be sooner rather than later. it's one thing to not have a kind word to say. but it's another to give off the impression that you are holier than thou. not everything in life is peaches and cream. we would be in utopia then. fact of life is hardships are abundant. if things were so easy, stress free, why bother slogging away in school studying for hardcore exams at such an early age only to face rejection after rejection in life. i hope you realize that things have to start from somewhere. some have it easy and some have it hard. cest la vie. to give up after facing ONE hardship, i wish you the best in life. life is one hardship after another. it's not the hardships that define who or what we are. it's how we overcome them and come out triumphant on the other side of it all. stories you hear cannot and shouldn't define and mold your thoughts and views. i know. i allowed it to take control once. but i learn from it. and am in a better position now because of it.

it's your attitude. why be so negative? you're not even cautious or fearful. you just take the bad and go with it. letting the bad overtake and lead the path to your glory. i shouldn't even be surprised by what you said. looking for the best in a person when really, sometimes there just isn't. and that's not really my problem, eh? we're still friends because i'm not one to hold grudges. knowing who you are as a person, your character and attitude, i don't hold it against you. but it hurts, not gonna lie about it. words hurt. they hurt worst than a slap in the face or a punch to the gut. bruises heal. words remain forever. in the mind. and the mind is a dangerous thing. a very dangerous place.

stop the chit-chat.

i just did a 180 degree turn. like hello, i never would have imagined myself in this position. i'd tell you but i don't want to.

trials and tribulations happen. if they don't kill me, they only make me stronger. when one door closes, another opens.

bliss.

greater things to come.

things work out the way they do for a reason. only time will tell how things will be panned out. still optimistic and hopeful. not as down and out as i thought i would be. the big man upstairs knows what's going on. i don't, but i live on the faith and hope that what's happening now will lead to greater things to come.

what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.

word.

the middle of the week.

WEDNESDAY IS HERE!

the longest week will finally come to an end. i have found inner peace within myself ohhhhhmmmmm.

make or break.

last week i said 'this will be the longest week. ever.' today, it'll be the longest 3 days ever. tomorrow, it'll be the longest 2 days ever. and the story goes on.

despite me having doubts and uncertainty, the future suddenly never seemed brighter. i sincerely hope that this will be it. no more other uncertainties. but to have a mental and emotional breakdown on that day; suicide and self-sabotage :( i can only hope for the best and see that my light shines through till the very end.

and i pray.