seasick

i cannot believe my holidays are over. 3 weeks of ups and downs.

the ups came fast. very happy ups indeed.

but so did the downs. and boy did they come crashing into me. there is a wave of emotions crashing into me that i feel nauseous. like i'm about to puke any time. and not because of the crazy amounts of liquid i have consumed over the past week. i am literally nauseous. something is stuck in my throat, waiting to just come spilling out.

i was the calm before the storm.

i am NOW the wave, the sea, the lightning and the thunderstorm. i am the iceberg that sank the ocean liner. i killed jack and because of me, rose is jack-less wtf.

i am the raging sea.

sometimes i really feel like i am floating in the middle of the deep, vast fucking ocean. all by myself. wallowing in my self fucking misery.

i literally have a wave of emotions inside of me. one moment i was gung ho about something, the next, i was so depressed i had to take deep breaths just so that i wouldn't burst out.

i had a brief moment of happiness when i found out who lucas chose to bring to las vegas that i was pumping the air, going "yessss!!!"

i am fucking miserable.

i am fucking depressed.

this isn't the end of the world. there are other worst things that COULD happen. shit happens.

accepting it.

denying it.

i am nauseous.

i am the dark, emo wannabe sitting in the corner playing with the blade.

physical pain is tangible. scars are the proof of the pain and tears.

my insides need to bleed and its bleeding. leona lewis bleeding love wtf.