time keeper.

i'm the kind of person who ALWAYS wears a watch whenever i'm out of the house. i get really uneasy when i don't know the time. it's like i'm chasing after something wtf. but about a couple of months ago, i didn't want to wear my watch. i felt restricted by it. as if my every movement was being timed and that it felt like i was also running or rushing for something.

in my previous job, i needed my watch to keep me punctual. i would have to constantly look at the time to make sure i was not late for my appointment. often times i'd have back to back appointments and keeping time was a necessity! but it was at this time that i felt the restriction of wearing my watch. it was weighing me down. my hand felt heavier and many a times, i found myself taking my watch off. and it was then that i felt the liberation of not knowing what time it was! i was constantly keeping check of myself. i felt the freedom to move about and just be. it was so easy for me to just look at my watch to know what time of the day it was and what the next plan was going to be. without my watch, i was a child without a care. skipping through green hills and picking berries from bushes. this was probably the time i felt actual freedom. freedom from time. not worrying about the future and just focusing on the present.

and then, that careless abandon left me and i was back to being the time keeper. constantly feeling reassured that control was back in my hands. that i had a to-do list to accomplish by the end of the day. my wrist would feel bare without the warmth of the leather strap and cold stainless steel surface of the watch. my hands were a lil' too light.

and so i resorted to wearing my watch again. periodically looking at it to make sure there was enough time to do the things that i had to do.

when i needed the time the most, i left it and felt liberated. and now that i'm not worried so much about time, i wear it constantly. reminding me of how important it is to know the time. there's a mix reaction now. there are times where i just feel like not wearing my watch but because of habit, i always put it on. and if i'm really conscious about it, i'll just take it off and stuff it in my bag and feel that freedom again.