the most productive i've ever been.

wasn't as bad as i thought it was going to be :)

and the email? well, one of them replied so hey, at least i know that they'll look at it, maybe.

it's a good day today :D

first.

i have 2 unsent emails in my inbox which i just wrote. another job application. up to date, i don't know how many emails i have sent. i could count them but i don't want to burst my own bubble just yet.

3.30pm. my first interview later. i am feeling calm, cool and collected. watching youtube videos on how to go about a job interview helped (thanks, Alex!) and some helpful tips from Sook Yan yesterday makes me breathe a little easier.

with regards to the 2 unsent emails, i will probably sent them out later, after my interview. or maybe i should just send them now. yeah. i'll do that.

clouded, shrouded.

i've got myself an interview this week. not too thrilled about it cause the position offered is not of interest to me.

so the question is, should i go for the interview anyways just to get the feel of it or screw it and wait expectantly for the email/phone call from the other company to tell me i can attend the first round of interviews? the reason for me wanting to bail out of this current interview is because i'm not interested in the position. i tried getting for more information from the website but there's just not no relevant information especially pertaining to the job description. and that's where the other company i'm really hoping for a reply for wins cause they're site is just bursting with information and right now, after reading through the site, i feel so pumped up and ready to just impress their socks off that i can already feel the job in my hands. but, i have to wait for the green light to move on the next step of the process.

part of me just doesn't want to go through a tough process just so i can turn down the offer. i don't want to waste my time and the employer's time when i already know where i stand in the decision making. but then, i have NEVER ever experienced an interview before. from what i heard, the interview process takes an hour +___+ so this would be good practice, yes for the other job/hopefully. honestly, i don't think i've ever wanted anything so much. the olympus pen doesn't count wtf. at this point, i am VERY reluctant to go for the interview and just put myself up for disappointment. if i don't feel like i want the job, i won't be giving my 120% in it, going above and beyond to impress. and the thing is, my summer trip is just this big block in my path now. so i can either apply after returning or apply now and set myself up for disappointment. times like these, i wish i was still in uni, fretting and stressing over assignments and deadlines.

there are still many other places i have not applied to and yet, i seem to be so intent on harping on that one company. i just feel really impressed and confident in the way they work. and i hope by getting through to the interviews, i can find out more about it. but i should still keep my options open, yes? sigh.

all i can do is pray about it and ask God to impress upon me the right thing to do.

lemonade

my english. FAIL.

hello, i don't know the difference between adjective and noun and preposition and whatever lingo English loves to term their words. a word is a word, no? i only know verb :D

definition: to describe an action.

the rest can go and flush themselves down the toilet bowl.

my dear brother today, of all days, wanted my help on his english homework. on the days that i DO want to help him, he doesn't want my help. but today, he solicited my help. what can i say? don't do your homework. homework's for losers wtf. of course not. and today's homework was underline 3 adjectives in each sentence. i think there was 10 sentences. WHUT?! 30 adjectives?!

i shall be shameless and just tell you that i had to type adjective in my search bar and look up the definition of the word adjective. urgh, saying the word adjective makes me want to nunchuck that word and kick it's sorry ass to timbaktu. now, timbaktu is a word that rolls nicely of your tongue, don't you think?

but then i do so often come across words that after a long time of looking at them, come of as weird. like the spelling and pronunciation of the word makes no bloody sense. and then all is well again when the earth turns on its axis and gravity is restored and i see the word and familiarity hits me right on the spot.

i watched bits and pieces of idol gives back. the last 40 minutes of the show and the first 20 minutes perhaps? yes, in that order. you gotta love starworld for broadcasting the same show twice. why didn't every other channel think of that? oh, right. cause they screen it again at a later time. which was why i got to saw the last part first and the first part last. then i couldn't go through with it anymore cause my mother was busy rectifying the mistakes i made with the adjective homework 0__o i had to hide in my room to avoid the onslaught of vicious adjectives my mother would have thrown at me if i were to continue to be in the near vicinity of easy attack. hiding has saved me and my bruised ego.

where was i? oh, yes. idol. i cried watching some parts. then i switched to oprah during the commercial breaks and cried some more. i don't know about you but oprah can bring on the water works whenever she talks about real life stories about real life people. not plasticky, celluloid people although they do sometimes. i cry when i see kids in pain and not being able to be kids like their supposed to. the kids in idol gives back, breaks my heart. truly. and the sad story of how nine special kids lost their parents to murder, what kind of world do we live in?

we've gotta treat each other right.

on a more lighthearted yet absolutely majorly crucial topic, i need an aim. a target if you may. for life in 5 or 10 years time. i've gotta start working towards something, eh? what the hell do i want? people ask me 'so where have you applied to?' i give my reply and then it hits me, i NEVER applied to this one industry which before graduation, i was really quite gung-ho about and i never applied to another industry which i quite fancy doing. and then i get a call from a corporate company and suddenly i find myself wanting and coveting to climb the corporate ladder. now all i think about is jobs jobs jobs.

it's comforting to know that i'm not alone in this. i may the last one in my batch to find a job but hey, who's competing?

not yet. the race is just beginning.

cue the jeng jeng JENGGGGGGGGG

burp.

bit off more than i could chew. now i have a bloated stomach to thank for.

what to do, i couldn't resist the bubble tea. we rounded the area for what felt like an hour but was probably only 15 minutes. every car before us found a spot. we were one step behind. we were THIS close to giving up and going home but our perseverance paid off albeit parking illegally and having the law enforcers one street away. the lure of the night market was just too strong.

pasar pagi

loud announcements and pop music blared from the school field next door, making a slow waltz into my slumber, gradually increasing it's volume and transforming it's unwanted presence into a full-on hip-hop dance routine complete with head spinning on ground, totally defying gravity (how can your entire body stay in the air and how can your head support your body?!! oh to be a hip-hop dancer). i woke up at 8am, giving my mind a shock. blurry eyed, i shut my eyes. but of course, nobody can stop the hip-hop. nobody!

15 minutes of tossing and turning, i got up with zombie-like movements, stomping my way to the bathroom and splashing cold water on my face, returning to human form. damn you sports day! the school was having their sports day, fyi. hello, what happened to having sports day in the majlis perbandaran compound?!

so what to do when awake so early? go to the market. this little piggy went to the market. this little piggy cried weeweewee all the way home wtf.

and i was horrified. they were selling live chicken :O they'll pick the juiciest chicken and then slaughter it right then and there :O it was damn painful to watch. they'll hold the chicken by the wings, weigh them and then...the process begins. the chickens were clucking in pain. my face showed a picture of horrification. i thought markets sold chickens that were already plucked and slaughtered. not in cages, awaiting death at the market place. i wish i didnt see that.

and the smell of the morning market? smelt of blood and guts. the floor was splashed with drops of blood, like a scene from CSI. that's the smell i hated when i was young whenever my mother asked me if i wanted to go to the market.

guess what? i still hate the smell.

head in the clouds.

the most grown-up thing i've done since graduating, is attending a career fair. online applications can only do so much. at least now i know they have physically accepted my resume. it was a day of selling my soul to the highest bidder like i was selling kitchen knives door-to-door. nothing much went on. it was like a 'we're hiring. drop your resume in the box along with hundred other resumes. thank you'. they had boxes for us to 'drop in' our resumes like we were dropping in our name cards in hopes to win a free lunch from nandos.

in the field that i am in, not much of a choice. engineers and business kids on the other hand will feel like they're five and have access to all the latest toys in toy's R us. there were however a few that stood out so at least it wasn't all lost. a couple of broadcasting media companies stood out for me :D would be heavenly if i could score something in either one. there was a newspaper company there that didn't bother to approach us despite us walking into their booth. well, whatever. i don't read your papers anyway.

3 hours, 5 resumes and 2 auditions later, i feel productive. at least i'm one step closer to contributing to the economy and encouraging capitalism in one form or another. not that i'm not doing so now so what am i saying? i'm one step closer to paying the water and electric bills, that's what i'm saying.

it was rather appalling though to see kids in jeans and t-shirt, shorts and flip-flops going to a career fair. you're not shopping for a new pair of shoes, idiot! if that's not enough, there are kids who didn't come with their resumes!!! wtf is this the circus? why go to a career fair if all you're doing is setting yourself up for disaster? aren't you the least bit embarrassed when asked if you have a hard copy of your resume and you say no. i think having being asked if they have a soft copy of their resume takes the cake. can have the cheek to say no. go slap yourself in the head. people are looking for jobs here not a holiday to the caribbean. i guess priorities are different.

there were kids on the other hand who went all out, dressed in their suits and formal wears. hello, that's the way it should be. maybe the suit is a little too much for a career fair but that shows an effort. better overdressed than under-dressed!

but dressing aside, i guess we've gotta make an impression. a lasting impression. and boy that ain't easy. a firm handshake. a solid tone of voice. an air of confidence. a winning smile. eye-contact that shoots lasers. resumes that stand out. i had a lady asking us to send her an email, convincing her why she should hire us.

wahh. reality check. we're the not only ones in this position.

conversations with madness

if life can be arranged in a neat and organized order, then life's just going through the motions like a steam engine chugging down the railroad or a coffee-maker grinding beans to the sound of my heartbeat.

life's meant to be lived. in random movements and conversations. in spontaneous acts of declarations. lived as if you've drank 21 shots of tequila. eaten a tub of ben&jerry's just cause they make you feel like walking on sunshine. life's meant to be crazy, out of control. live not in fear but in the excitement of the unknown.

today, i took out my black 20 pocket clear file holder to get my life organized. arranging my achievements from present to past, from highest to lowest. life in order, in linear, in sequence. no random splash of blood and sparkles. no coffee stains and hidden lipstick stains in the corner. achievements that don't mean a thing when i realize that there's no cigarette burns on my fingertips. no love bites to mark the coming of age. no summons to scratch the surface.

i finally bought myself a file to systemically organize and arrange my qualifications and achievements from highest to lowest. damn, this is where i grow up. mentally and physically too wtf not sideways, i hope. given up on vertical already. i've reached my maximum height.

baby, if i've got you, i don't need no parachute

hi. today, a couple of decades and then some years ago, i came out of my mother's womb, kicking and screaming. at least that's how i assumed i came out. but that's beside the point. the point is, i came out and here i am today many many years later.

feels like yesterday i celebrated my 21st and lo and behold, i'm 22 now. can't escape the fact that i am no longer a young and reckless youth. not that i was one in the first place but i would like to imagine that i can be one but age has caught up wtf i sound like i'm old. but not. i is still young. and not the young-at-heart kind of young.

i've said my thank you's and given out free hugs but no words can truly describe the love i feel from each and every individual who took the time to wish me a happy birthday.

i feel blessed <3

so carerfuhh

this afternoon i caught the last 5 minutes of the hairography episode of glee and was brought to tears when they sang cyndi lauper's true colours. the whole simplicity of it, sitting on the stools in a row and just the lights as backdrops and their voices as instruments made for a compelling and powerful performance, in my books.



the singing was theatrical enough without the hair swinging and booty shaking :P which is why the song is playing on a loop now :) and the lyrics are really pretty too and not because the word rainbow is in it wtf.

FTS i am fuckin' hungry and it's 1.40 AM now!!! there's an orchestra playing and it's not the MPO, is all i'm saying. and i have this barely there cough which is driving me insane because i was kept up all night with an itchy and sore throat which is thankfully bearable now, almost non-existent actually. but the barely there cough is there and that's just as bad. but i will drink my 8 glasses of water a day and eat an apple a day to keep the doctor away!

easter is coming up! let's not be sidetracked by what this day is all about. no, it's not about easter eggs and chocolate bunnies though they do lend a festive air to the season. just save a prayer for our nation. our country needs to be prayed for more than ever now.