prepare for takeoff

wow. it's finally here. i don't know why but i've been having this surreal feeling about 2009 coming to an end. like 'i don't believe it's the end' kind of feeling. like a pinch me i must be dreaming kind of feeling. or just slap me senseless and tell me it's not real. maybe i just feel comfortable where i am now and the start of a new year brings with it a whole lot of uncertainties. and in a way, it does.

for the first time in my entire life/existence, i have nothing laid out for me. the world is literally my oyster. i can be anything and do anything and just be without having a thought at the back of my head telling me that this is only temporary and i have better things to do like go back to classes and start the crazy workload. again. i have people asking me, are you gonna do masters? and the same answer always crops up. "at the moment, no. i have no such plans. maybe in the future." but then again, i dont think so either. but that's just the present me talking. who know's what the future me plans.

see. uncertainties. previous new years didn't have this effect on me. maybe because i knew where i was going. if it was during my schooling days, i knew i'll be in school in the new year, getting excited the night before cos i'll be seeing my classmates and seeing teachers again and guessing which teacher will be pregnant. again. trust me when i say this but i have a few teachers whom we called mesin beranak. no joke. every year, she's bound to be pregnant. then when it came to after form5, i knew i was going to college. none of those gap year business. it was just a matter of where i was going. overseas or local? then it came to university and 3 years of my life laid out for me.

but now, the dynamics have changed. i have nothing to fall back on except my ass but that seems to be bruised right now. i am literally a free agent. without a license to kill wtf. i have friends who are so sure of their futures ie applying for honours, masters or securing themselves an interview for a job. what do i have? i sit on the floor and twiddle my thumbs hoping to make a change but never actually doing it. sure, i know what i'm planning to do in june. this time, it's the gap year business. taking time off may be an euphemism for bumming, but whatevs. i live my life. it's not gonna change anybody's DNA.

have a great new years celebration cos i know i will. remember to give a toast to the year that was.

see you on the other side.