i type out words then i delete them.

i type out words then i delete them.

somethings i wanna say, then i don't wanna say.

the ones i wanna say, i can't seem to put them down.

the ones i don't wanna say, flow out of me like a stream of river.

the words that actually matter most on the other hand seem to be stuck behind a brick wall.

hmph.

the cycle continues. life goes on.

we still breathe.

one week to finish up a 2000 word proposal.

i can do it.

i had a topic i wanted to blog about but for the love of hot chocolate, i can't remember what it is i wanted to blog about. sheesh.

today was a very bleh day. mornings need to be good in order for the rest of the day to be good as well.

nows, i'm looking forwards to the weekend.

some of my favourite songs come from blogs i stumble upon. if i don't blog hop, i might not have such a vast library on iTunes. and most of the songs i absolutely love come from em' blogs. the latest one is no exception.

dear miami by roisin murphy :)



i just love it.

another two i absolutely love right now are shakira's she wolf and beyonce's sweet dreams :)

a wise friend once told me that nobody pays for music anymore. and that is just sad. i used to buy albums after listening to just one song and then end up regretting it cos it was only that one song that was really worth listening to *allsaints come to mind coughcough* so now, i wanna go out and go buy me an album. the only problem is, whose album is worth buying? the last album i remember buying is casting crown's the altar and the door.

i'm gonna go on an album hunt!

i'm also itching to go watch talentime. the only thing is that it's showing in cinemas that are NOT near my place. and i don't have the time to go this week :( maybe i'll go on a sunday. anybody wanna teman? a couple more films i wanna watch are up :D :D and maybe district 9. movie marathon, yes?

oohh, today in class i watched hang jebat. who knew movies back then could be so entertaining today? i think movies made back then are just brilliant. the acting abit over. and the evil laugh, can you say 'whoahhhh' too much?! really over the top stuff. totally dramatizing yet totally entertaining.

and i don't get why hang tuah is such the hero when really, it should be hang jebat! he stood for what he believed in. if hang tuah obeyed the sultan, why didn't he go die in the first place instead of hiding out? pffft. coward that's what. fear of death that's what. yeah, sure, he may have been framed for committing a crime he didn't do but still...he goes on preaching how he obeys the sultan and is loyal to the sultan yada yada yada well, the sultan commanded for the death of you so why didnt you die,huh huh huh?! and then he comes back from the dead and is all kam-ching with the sultan again. hello! the sultan ordered for your death and here you are serving him again as if nothing happened whilst your brother, hang jebat fought for your justice.

sigh.

history.

the chapter isn't fully closed. i know. i lied. but it's not fully blown up on the big screen either. it's just there, a sliver of an opening. enough to keep me afloat. enough to let me know that there is hope. somewhere. hopefully sometime in this present time. there are days, when i all i want to do is let it out. and then there are days where i just want to wait. only time can tell. i've learned that i should not rush certain things. i should take it one day at a time.

||

i'm having that overwhelming sensation again. always happens during that time of the semester. the only thing getting me through this is prayers.

i might possibly need a hug too.

writing experiments might possibly be the death of me. of all my 2 1/2 years of undergrad studies, i don't think i've ever felt such a chill of fear ever. not even for authorship. i have no idea how to go about for my final assignment and i haven't even started on the first yet.

like the popular chinese saying goes; sei for (die lor)

how now brown cow?

i went to a concert for the first time in my entire life.

no, i don't consider the westlife showcase when i was 11/12?! *shyyyy wtf*

frickin' awesome, i say!

things seem to be in perspective now. i'm not gonna think too much about it anymore because honestly, i don't want to go through that anymore. if it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen. i don't know why it took me some time to figure it out. maybe cause when you're alone with your thoughts, things just don't go into perspective that easily. you tell yourself something but your mind goes on and on telling you otherwise. the most dangerous is probably your own thoughts.

i'm really glad we talked. you totally made me see the 'light' wtf.

i guess i'm like that. you tell me to my face that this is what it is, i will let it go. i won't harp on the issue anymore when the facts are all laid out. because, there's nothing i can do to change it. the only thing changeable is me.

but if one day, the situation or dynamics do change, then so be it. i'll cross it when it comes.

right now, i'm telling myself that the chapter is closed. sealed. although i told myself before it was closed, it re-opened again. i'm gonna remain stronger this time...

...and i feel good.

the weeks are starting to go by, signaling the waves of assignments +___+ *breaks into cold sweat wtf*

bittersweet. this also signals the last of my assignment days. eventually. time really flies. on concord some more wtf. otherwise how can i be here in my final semester? how can i be 21 and still so clueless about what i want?

then there is the so much to do so little time. so hard to please-kan.

i think i need to go out more. these four walls is eating me alive.

help.

after 2 days of not going to class, waking up at 7am was a drag.

have to say that my lecturer has a slide for every word he says. but it's all good.

and i watched spinning gasing in class today. i was pleasantly surprised. now all i need is to find out what happens in the end. it wasn't a typical malaysian film. i really liked the overall feel of the movie. yeah, some of the acting might seem forced and over the top and even unrealistic, do we even speak like that? but i thought it fitted well with the film. now, i'm hoping for our unmade malaysian film to be along those lines. very inspiring i say! and i think i've figured out how i want to approach my essay question. yay me.

lately, i've been feeling strong emotions again. emotions i thought i have kept nicely away. not having to feel them again maybe until later. but no. a few months have gone by and they are surfacing again. i know that through Him, i can overcome anything for

I am the branch and you are the vines
if a man remains me and I in him
he will bear much fruit
apart from me you are nothing
-John 15:5

Lying Days, lost and insecure you found me, never floor by the early corner. You found me long, lost and insecure. Found insecurity and you lost me.. You lost insecurity and find me. Lost insecurity. Find me. You found insecurity. And lost me, insecurity you found. And lost me find the insecurity and lost me. The insecurity is lost. Find me lost The Cigarette Letters and insecure The End Letters. You loved me. Save and secured, you liked me. Lost and found, morning telephones, you have me gone. And came. Surrounded Wait, you need me maybe? And could have been you forever. Wanting and longing it was you, Heart beating pumping I want you, to be near you is all I ask, breathing you in, taking you in, finding strength within, letting you in, smoking the messages. I’m not lost when you’re near, I’m not insecure with you here. The city’s end sent to lay.

where's the beginning, the middle and the end?

welcome to my life in experiments.

i enjoyed every minute and every second. so please stay.

i took a nap and had a vivid and really weird and freaky dream. i think it had something to do with me reading something in the news and the words that stood out started to creep into my dreams creating this dream that was just really really odd and weird and scary. it felt so real and yet also felt like i was watching a movie with me starring in it.

i woke up from my nap feeling more tired than i was before taking the nap :/
it felt as though i was really physically doing the things i was in the dream.

i don't want to go into the details not because i can't remember what i dreamt about. ok laa, i don't really remember the details but then...forget it la. just know that i had a weird dream. it was like the end of the world kinda thing. ok. end.