zip your lip with a padlock

one of my ny resolution is to not give a damn what people think. i can't go around pleasing every single soul out there and let myself be the one bearing the burden of it all. at the end of the day, i'm the one who gets hit with the shit at the end of the fan.

do you feel on somedays where things are just fine and you have nothing to be worried about or nothing to be sulky about because things are moving along perfectly but somehow at the end of the day you just feel restless or incomplete or unsatisfied or just plain blah? i don't know how to put into words what i'm trying to say but let's just say you start thinking about the past, present and future and you see and feel is bleakness and emptiness. can you imagine that? that sorta feeling of nothingness that just brings a heavy burden to your heart. as if you can feel your heart being weighed down but you can't pinpoint what's weighing it down.

i'm having one of those moments where i just want to cry. not for any particular reason but just to release whatever that's pent up inside though what i'm keeping inside, i have no real idea. all i know is that i have some thing to release from the inside and the only outlet i feel where i can let it all out is by crying. hard core sobbing too! i remember reading somewhere that crying show's that you are alive, not sissy/coward or something along those lines. maybe that's what i need. to know that i'm ALIVE.

stuck in a rut. that's it. i think i'm crying because i feel like i'm stuck in a rut. like my life is going nowhere. it's the pressure from life itself. from the structure that we have all somehow agreed upon in the contract of life and how it should progress. the perfect system that i want to breakfree from yet feel so lost and alone when i'm one step out of the system. the window to the other side promises me something stable and safe. something i will willingly go through because everyone is doing it. that's what will make my life better somehow. but i don't want to. at least i think i don't want to. only God knows what i want because right now, i don't know. i'm really upset. i wish i can talk about this nothingness. so intangible. nothing to grasp on. so out there yet so in here. so vague yet so familiar. how would i even begin describing it?

maybe i'm just hungry and i'm trying to distract my mind from the hunger by conjuring up crazy shit about nothingness and emptiness.

i'm blaming my hunger for this post. i don't even know what i'm trying to say :/ maybe in the morning i will.

after breakfast wtf.

BRAID, the musical

twenty plus years and never have i.

never have i done such drastic change.

change that fortunately has been pretty good.

good that i think to myself, why hadn't i done this earlier?

earlier like right after secondary school and that mass exam the gov makes us take, making us believe that life and death depended on this very exam but i digress. earlier like how my peers all started to transform.

transform gradually, first the length then the colours then the styles.

styles that i can only admire from afar/because i was too cowardly to do anything about mine.

afar no more. after twenty plus years, i can proudly/maybe not, depends on which side of the coin you're looking at. i can now say that i no longer have virgin hair/never been touched hair.

hair has now been styled differently from the one that i have been born with. genetically given. God given. i have gone against my own belief and done the most drastic thing i can ever do to myself unless i go get piercings in various parts of my body or get a tattoo which i doubt i will ever do, this will have to be the most DRASTIC thing i can do :/

friends have told me that they love how straight and shiny my hair is.

now i have none of those :(

which makes me quite sad but damn i'm loving this new do! twenty plus years and finally a change! waited too long for this. WAYYY too long.

kravings

i had dimsum for breakfast. i wanted egg tarts but they didn't have them so i had to wait.

i kept turning my head towards the direction of the kitchen hoping, anticipating for that plate of egggy goodness stuffed in a pastry puff but it never came.

till the end of the meal did i see my egg tarts. loads of them too. FML. i was too full and mad to bother.

so now i'm left craving for egg tarts at 2am +_____+

boys over flowers

i'm gonna be shameless and let you in on what i'm obsessing over now :O



i'm currently on episode 22. there are a total of 25 episodes. and right now, i am kinda slowing down cause i don't want it to end +____+ what am i gonna do after watching finish the show?!

oh right, buy myself a social life that's what.

honestly, i wouldn't have watched it if my mother did not tell me about it. she was gushing to me about how the guys were prettier than the girls :O damn straight! so many pretty boys in one show, how can i not watch? now i have the impression that korean guys are all prettier than the girls but then i think again how can that be when korean girls are all damn pretty too +__+ honestly, korean's are a pretty lot full stop. with or without plastic surgery. okay let's not go there laa. we all know how big that industry is over there.

if you've watched the taiwanese version, meteor garden, then you'll know that this has the same storyline. i watched the taiwanese version and fell in love with F4, the boyband as well as the fictional characters. i know there's a japanese version of it as well and if i'm hardworking enough i might just try and get my hands on it too but then again i think it has been fairly established that i'm not as hardworking as i would like to think i am.


meteor garden


japanese version with the same title

thanks to pui yan, i have the (almost) complete episodes! every night i look forward to watching one episode. seriously, that's the highlight of my day. to go home and watch one episode! and if i cannot control, i will watch 2 episodes in one night. i have to limit myself because one episode takes up one hour of my life. not 42 minutes like one tree hill or glee. 60 minutes okay, don't play play with me. i have to literally time myself when watching at night. if not i will get the sounding of my life for waking up at 12pm +_____+

what to do? my life literally revolves around this right now. until i watch finish and move on to the next show.

how i met your mother season 2 to season 5 :DD



and the cycle begins.

again.

teeheehee :D

there's a bee stuck in the blinds

i woke up to the sound of buzzing.

bzzz bzzz BZZZ...

at first i thought it was a fly zooming around my room. i was still too asleep to really bother with the sound till i couldn't sleep sleep cause the sound was so bloody annoying at 7 in the morning. so i got up and listened, trying to find the source. what i found did not prepare me, especially at such an early hour in the morning!

if it were a dragonfly, i don't think i would have been that scared but it was a bee. a BEE! as in the one that makes honey and stings when provoked! immediately i got goosebumps all over. i would have screamed bloody murder right then and there when i saw it stuck in between the blinds and closed window but i had a sore throat and i didnt want to strain my already strained throat. so i did the next best thing; grabbed the shieldtox next to my bed and sprayed at the bee like my life depended on it. all the while doing it, the sound of the buzzing and the sight of it gave me the geli-ness i cannot tahan. ask me what sound i hate and the sound of a bee buzzing will be right on the top.

the bee was already disoriented as it is probably being stuck in between the blinds and closed window for too long so i waited till it was far from the latch before i bravely stuck my hands through the blinds and opened the window so the bee could fly OUT!

traumatic morning. really. i wouldn't wish it on anyone else. imagine finding a bee in your room at 7 in the morning!

the thing that puzzles me is, how did the bee get into my room in the first place? and how the hell did it get stuck between the blinds and window? can a bee fly so high in the first place?

honestly, i don't think i want to know. at least i got a really interesting dream from it. or not. was it before the bee or after the bee that i had the dream? doesn't matter. random dream but totally awesome.

like i said, 2010 is gonna be a great year.

far and wide

now i know why people take 2 to 3 months or even more to travel europe. a train ride just to the south of france from paris already takes 21 hours (i might be mistaken but that's the average time period of traveling) heck, even to the next neighbouring country can take 3 days wtf!

here i am only allocating a month! looks like i won't be seeing all of europe after all. so ambitious! but then again, at least i'm going to places i really really want to visit like france and turkey! omg i getting exciteds now :DD

i was pretty pissed that i missed the MAS promo. AGAIN! second time i missed it. now i'm relying on the upcoming MATTA fair or hopefully another MAS promo they love to throw out in the hopes of competing with airasia. keep them coming, i say!

furthermore, i have people coming at me asking me to go to melbourne and another telling me to go to japan! wahh, i living the life of the rich and femes wtf cause apparently money grows on trees and picking season is in may wtf. if only, people, if only. but i shall work hard and find me some additional work to do to support my rich and femes lifestyle otherwise i will sleep on the streets and search through garbage cans for that piece of french fry! or GASP eat frozen sausages cos that's the cheaper alternative!

cannot cannot.

GMH

epic fail.

obviously my previous post of posting the video failed. but i'm gonna leave it there so that you can click on the link and go watch the awesome video. plus there's many others just like it.

greatness cos the love stories are all REAL. none of those fantasy wishy washy stuff that only happens in the reel world.

sigh, gives me hope.

i knew there's a reason why i love bubble tea!

Pat & Ley Cinematic Prewedding Film "Bubble Tea" from Paper Cranes Productions on Vimeo.

Pat & Ley Cinematic Wedding Trailer from Paper Cranes Productions on Vimeo.

if this doesn't make you cry, i don't know what will.

gives me hope.

one foot in the door, the other in the window

it's day 3 of the new year. at the rate i'm going, i might be blogging everyday. consistently/hopefully. at the stroke of midnight too. but whatevs, so long as you have something to read, everyday and i have something to write, everyday.

i met an old friend today. she looked well. we exchanged a few pleasantries and then she left. before this, when we were young kids, we were so close we were inseparable. we did many things together. we went over to each others house every week. i knew her family and she knew my family. this probably went on for about 2-3 years. and then, i can't remember when but we saw less and less of each other till we never saw. maybe we were growing apart. maybe we were just not into the same things anymore. after all, nobody is ever the same. people change. and maybe that was just it, we changed. now, i barely know this person anymore. sure, she looks the same. but underneath that, below the surface is a stranger. i do wish things didn't turn out the way it did. who knows, we could still be the best of friends. but seeing as how things have turned out, it doesn't seem like we can really really reclaim what we had last time. they are now memories, stored in a shoe box placed in the hidden corners of my darkening past. it's becoming harder to find that box and the contents are fading leaving blurred images and traces of shadows, of fading ink on paper, a love letter of sorts to the lives and times of the good and the bad.

it is rather unfortunate that the people we meet in our lifetime don't necessarily stay with us throughout our life span. i'm sure i had a best friend in kindergarten and i'm positively sure i had great friends in my primary years but things happen and circumstances lead to separation. one thing was and is for sure. throughout my lifetime, i was NEVER alone. i always had friends around me. close friends at various times of my life. and till this very day, i still do.

i guess friends are like treasures. once you have them, you gotta keep them safe and locked up in a place where you'll never lose them. because once you lose them, they will be forever lost. friends need to be cherished. sure, they can be annoying and irritating and be total idiots at one point of time or another but hey, if they're annoying to you, you're annoying to them too. it's a mutual relationship. no hierarchy. no kings and queens.

with facebook, lost friends are easily found. but like every lost things, you lose a certain attachment to them. you suddenly feel you gotta make a huge effort to say hello on their facebook wall and then when they say hello in reply, you stop there not because you're rude but because suddenly, what once felt so effortless now takes brain space, space you don't necessarily have to spare, effort you don't really wanna take. because you start to think, what's the point? you're probably not gonna see this person in the flesh. ever. and you don't have the time anyways cause as it is, you don't even have the time to meet the friends that you do actually have. so why even bother? a hello on the facebook wall tells the other person that you acknowledge their presence. the presence they once had in your life and the ones you will have virtually/birthday wish on the wall every year. maybe a few light conversations and that will be the end of it fullstop

but then, there is always an exception or maybe THIS is the exception/whatever rocks your boat. i could be wrong and maybe i'll meet an old friend and when we meet unexpectedly, we'll immediately fall back into our old rhythm and it will be as if we never parted. yes, there is that exception.

there definitely is.

so treasure the friends you have and the ones you'll meet. don't let them be strangers after having an established relationship. from being strangers to friends to becoming strangers again, is really the most unfortunate thing that can and will happen. and maybe that's the way life is and that's the way we learn and grow but after all that is said and done, i take comfort in the fact that i had friends and will continue having them. they were part of my growing years and that i cannot take away. despite being locked up in an old shoe box with dust and many years eating away at the corners of the cover and the colours and words fading an old photograph, at least i know that it was there. that it was real and that it existed like the dinosaurs and the cavemens and the emperors and pharaohs and the men of sparta.

the history channel, ch. 555

gimme the lights, camera and action

the guys from wongfu productions inspire me to start fiddling with my camera. what say you if i started vlogging/videologging?

imma be a hit sensation and have a huge following and be a celebrity and write adverts to pay my bills.

not.

i detests those forms of advertising. and yet i'm interested in stepping into that industry. go figure. but for realz, i don't like to read adverts on "popular" blog sites. sure, i do read them "popular" blogs. define the term "popular". i don't know these people yet i find a fascination with their lives. voyeurism? perhaps. sell out? pays the bills apparently. well, the world does revolve around money so any chance you get, you take. doesn't mean i havta like it.

there are only a handful of blogs that i read. i used to have a bookmark on all the blogs i read but when my comp crashed, so did the lists of bookmarks. now, all i do is type in the first alphabet of the blog and click from there. there are times i don't remember who to read and there are times where i go on a clicking frenzy. reading random people's blogs. the space in my memory is very limited. so limited that when i'm reading through a blog and when i think of a blog i want to read next that by the time i think and the time i take to aim my mouse on the search bar to type in the blog add, i forget which blog it was that i decided to go to next. then i'll spend the next 5 minute wrecking my brain trying to remember where i chose to go. it happens ALL the time.

and it has spread-ed to the shower as well. one minute i'm pumping the soap bottle, the next i'm rinsing it off and the next thing i know, i'm thinking to myself, have i used soap?

is there a lack of a certain nutrient in my system or am i just getting old and suffering from memory loss? i shudder at the thought of the latter. inevitable sure but doesn't mean i'm liking it and welcoming it with arms wide open/creed.

so what was i saying before this?

oh right. wongfu productions inspire me. doesn't hurt at all that philip wang is so damn HOT. i could marry him right now and make cute asian babies. i just remembered i had a really weird dream last night. one which involved truckloads of bloggers. damn weird and extremely freaky at one point when there were some things going on which shall not be mentioned here for fear of it actually happening. touch wood wtf.

i hope to meet you someday, mr. wang. so that i can be mrs. wang.

the only reason i am saying this is because i know that fantasy won't be able to catch up with reality.

or can it?

/dum dum duuuuum

if it does, i will delete this post.

btw, i like wes too.

what is this? a convenience store wtf?

ps: it's 2nd jan 10. post-new year.

the other side

hello 2010.

goodbye 2009. you've been awesome.

here's to many more awesomeness for the year 2010 and maybe a little more direction and purpose for me.

hello hello, twothousand&ten or is it twentyten? either ways, hello hello. your arrival has been anticipated and now that it's here, let it be a better one than the previous year in every aspect imaginable.