rolling in the deep

it's now the turn of the second week of me being in Shanghai and my response so far to anyone who has asked me how things are is 'so far so good' because so far things have been honestly pretty good. save for the first couple of days when i got here. i was a complete and total mess. i had internal battles with myself all day long and even all night long. i couldn't eat and i couldn't sleep. nobody knew of this battle but myself. i was lucky i had the flu and the cough so it was easy to put the blame of my lack of appetite and tiredness to the fact that i wasn't feeling so swell.

3 months ago, when i was planning this i was pretty damn sure of myself. long story short, i made a huge leap of faith and took a whole lotta risk at the same time. it's not like i had THAT much to lose but when i first got here, it felt like i was spiraling out of control (not in a drug, alcohol and rock & roll kind of way wtf) but it kind of hit me that i was just lost. plain and simple. it's like i fell down the rabbit hole and am in wonderland. i was honestly THIS close to flying back home together with my dad because i realized that i didn't want to be lost in a foreign city where i can barely string a coherent sentence in the local language! i just wanted to go home and bury myself in my home and just stay there till the wave of insecurities washed over me.

week two and i'm getting a grip of my life now. i'm slowly getting into a routine which won't last for long because guess what? i DON'T have to have a routine that will dictate the rest of my time except when it comes to classes of course. there's a sense of liberty when i know that i can just pack and fly off or take a train somewhere, anywhere and not have to worry about responsibilities. a bit reckless, eh? but i guess it's because i've been living so structured a life that this inch of freedom seems a bit overwhelming! not that i'm complaining.

i still have the luxury of accessing my favourite sites (even the banned ones!) and also having the added advantage of walking. lots of it. i will have legs of steel by the end of my time here!

however, i do wonder what will become of me by the time i finish up here. will i go start job hunting again? will i hop on a plane and fly somewhere else? will i go fishing wtf? there are days where i crave the familiarity and routine of going to work and working and then there are days where i'm yeah man, this is the life! hippie hippie shake shake wtf.

like i said, so far so good...