this ain't a scene

thought i'd share a scene from one of my favourite dance movie, Center Stage.



this is the final dance scene in the movie. i remember the very first time i watched this movie and i was just so inspired. everytime i went for my ballet lessons i would take inspiration from this movie and strive to dance better.

i wasn't the best dancer in the room. i didn't ask my mother to enrol me in ballet class. she did it behind my back and i was furious! i was probably 4 or 5 years old when this happened but i've been dancing for close to 10 years before i quit.

just. like. that.

one day, i just told my mother i didn't want to dance anymore. and that was it. i remember the day i told my mother this. in retrospect, i think that was a form of rebelliousness on my part. what was i rebelling against? i have no idea but when you're on the brink of teenage-hood, i guess you just do crazy, unexplainable things.

if you were to ask me what my biggest regret is, hands down this would be it. looking back, i would have slapped my silly young self in the behind and talked some sense into her! but the past is in the past and we learn from our past, eh?

and that i am...

make or break

it can only happen here. the moment i shut down my PC and pack my bags, i get the phone call from hell. but this is all in a day's job and after close to 6 months in it, i've gotten so used to it that i'm bordering on comfort levels with it. so comfortable am i that i don't seem to have a huge reaction to it any more. you know like how if you're allergic to seafood or alcohol, one of the ways of curing it is by eating more seafood and drinking more alcohol. that's how it is here too. but there are bad days too where things really make the patience level skyrocket to the moon.

situation isn't exactly happy happy joy joy now seeing as the only thing that cools anything down these days isn't doing its job properly. i'm actually beginning to sweat in the office when i'm practically sitting under the air-cond! all its blowing is hot air, taunting us, mocking us. is this life, a routine and a laundry list of pros and cons?

big yellow taxi

for someone who hardly ever takes a cab, i just broke my record today.

first cab ride of the day was when i was walking down hill towards my office. i park really, really, really far away. average walking time from my car to the office is 10 minutes. usually i welcome this walk because this walk will be the only form of exercise i will ever do (but i need more than just a 10 minute walk to shake off all this excess off me... i really need to start jogging!). actually, everytime i'm walking down the hill, i pray for a taxi to drive by so that i can hop in and save that 10 minute walk. surprise, suprise! a taxi DID drive by and i didnt flag him down but he kept turning his head, probably wondering where in the world is she walking to when all around me are houses and he slowed his taxi down. my mind and legs were thinking two different thoughts; i'm like shit, this is it, should i be a cheapskate, suck it up and just walk all the damn way down or pay 3 bucks to save myself the walk. but my legs, oh my legs, they just merrily walked towards the taxi and that's how the battle between my mind and my legs went. sometimes in life, there are things you should be cheapskate about and then there are things you should not be cheapskate about. wisest 3 bucks i've ever spent.

oh the second and third cab ride of the day is the desperation to eat good food. when you've been working where i've been working for the past few months, you will do anything to get out into the world and find good food. and a change of environment. despite the limited choices we have when it comes to lunch, we always, always ask "where to eat?" sometimes, when there's a choice, limited choices or otherwise, a decision has to be made. and what a tough decision it is!

pocketful of sunshine

this morning, i drove to work like any other monday mornings. i was cranky and stressed out about where i was going to park my car today (long story short: change of management in my previous parking spot and now i'm parking-less for a month). usually, i would listen to the radio, either 104.9 or 88.9 but most days i would plug in my iTrip into my iPod and all is well with the world.

in the middle of the federal highway this morning, i looked into my rearview mirror and saw this girl bopping and singing along in her car and i smiled so wide, i was grinning like a cheshire cat. she didn't care if the cars next to her or the car in front of her will see her. she didn't seem to have a care in the world on a monday morning and that is just mind blowing to me. so i guess not everyone suffers from the monday blues. i bet she wakes up and breaks into a song like i've got a pocketful, pocketful of sunshine!

don't look back in anger

it's so easy to react to anger. shout, scream, kick, slam, curse and whatever else you do to let the anger out. but that one moment you react to anger is that one moment you can never get back or erase. blood boils when in anger and it takes a lot to keep the blood simmering till it cools down. or it takes a very patient person! emphasis on the very otherwise patience wouldn't be called a virtue, eh?

to keep calm, cool and collected. oh, emotions! they are one tricky beast imbedded in all of us.

just apologize, forgive and forget. tomorrow is another day.