was going through an unopened file of songs i got from a friend and found some lovely gems that i have not heard in awhile.

i read 2 graphic novels. american born chinese and the curious case of benjamin button.

i'm still reading chuck palahniuk's haunted.

borrowed the kite runner.

watched beauty and the beast. epic love story there.

this is life, post-major assignment. very short term break but a break nevertheless. i shall savour it before the next round comes along.

absolutely love the song simple life by carolina liar.

i went dvd hunting with my dad yesterday. not the pirated ones. we went to speedy to look for grease because i absolutely LOVE that movie! it was my dad who introduced me to the world of grease lightning and saturday night fever.

i was also secretly looking for breakfast at tiffany's because i absolutely LOVE audrey hepburn and to my horrors, i've only ever seen her in that one film! blasphemy! so i wanted to reacquaint myself with her movie by buying breakfast at tiffany's and then moving on to her other films.

unfortunately, they have none of the movies we were looking for. seriously! classics like those and they don't have em'. another blasphemy!

so i began browsing around and pointed at all the old movies and asked my dad if he has watched them.

one of them i pointed at was gone with the wind. old school classical cool.

he did watch it. and he goes on to tell me how he and all his friends fell asleep watching it but the girls were all wide-eyed! haha. so my dad proceeded to get me the dvd so i can watch it :)



at the same time, i saw a audrey hepburn movie that i watched a lil' of called paris when it sizzles. i couldn't resist and got myself the dvd.




so now, i have two classics to watch :)

now, to get my hands on breakfast at tiffany's and grease!

the end of my hellish week! woots.

i can now breathe easy again. it may not be the end of the ends but at least this one particular hurdle down makes me breathe easier.

*inhale exhale*

i hate the part where i have to slave through countless websites looking for legitimate resources to use for my 2.5k word essay.

that's due friday.

and is worth 50% of my life, i mean grade.

doesn't help that i did nuts today. all i did was keep my bed warm. my bed probably has my body shape permanently sculpted into :/

this afternoon, i came home, plopped myself down in front of the TV, watched air force one (the one with harrison ford) and was prepared for a thrilling ride manatau i woke up to see jonas brothers wtf.

i fell asleep!

and now, i'm not sleepy. just came back from yc and now all i wanna do is stay out and do mindless things. but of course, i'm a girl. girls have restrictions. somehow, it feels like the nights belong to the other gender :( we're left with the sun and the opposite, with the moon. heh. my analogy chun or not wtfwtf.

nothing's good on radio now :(

i think i'll watch dollhouse before i sleep.

ooh..just thought i should say i'm having a good hair day right now! too bad i'm home now and it's 12.45am. or else i'll flaunt my hair around.

i'm listening to jordin sparks 'battlefield'.

why does love always feel like a battefield?

because i'm trying not to head-bang the wall i thought i should share with you this incident which happened a few weeks ago, as narrated by my friend, marina on my fb status.

We were all standing at the lift when Belinda uses her bottle to push the lift buttons to void 'germs' (H1n1 kind)Then on the return journey Nat forgot and used her finger to push the button and then said 'omgosh omgosh i touched it I touched it!' and promptly ran to Belinda and wiped her finger on belinda's shirt!

We nearly died laughing.

the things we do :D

i didn't skip my 9am class, in case you were curious/wondering/concerned. but i was late. heh. i blame it on the traffic although technically i woke up late but details like that don't really matter, right?

good news for the day, i'm finally starting to type new sentences for my proposal. i felt inspired in class when dr. s was talking about it. unfortunately, the inspiring talk evaporated on the way home wtf.

speaking of which, i dont know how they do it. puasa-ing, i mean. i had breakfast/lunch/brunch at 11am and was starving by 5pm! kowtow man! though a friend did mention that it was easier when its the ramadhan month simply because i guess. or maybe it's mind over matter.

is it me or does time flies? i think time has taken a first class on the now defunct concord. a zoom and a swish and we're now in the month of september. wake me up when september ends (green day, year forgotten wtf). it's week 7 already :S

ohh...did i mention i'm going to arthur's day :D excited-nya! my second concert in my entire existence. got a concert high! i think concerts are the shiznit!

right now, i'm doing way too many things at once. trying to multitask to the super max, trying to hit the maximum growth wtf.

which reminds me, thank goodness i ordered that mocha during dinner. i'm not sure if it's the caffeine working its magic on me or if it's just me feeling the stress of a looming due date ahead but i'm up and doing my work :D sigh, simple things like this and i'm easily satisfied. really, i'm not that hard to please lol.

really, imma bout to ram my head through a brick wall >:(

frustrated. beyond. words.

i think i have it in me to start but i'm just sitting duck here not giving two hoots about the damn proposal. just because i can.

and i'm even contemplating on skipping my 9am class. just because i can.

just. because.

sigh. i can't get no work done in my space. i need another space.

notice how i can throw all sorts of excuses out but cannot just focus on the task and just do it. my mind feels like its all over the place. i cant stop it from running all around. how ironic. this is exactly what writing experiments is all about and yet, the first assignment is not asking you to be experimental. it's so technical imma burst your balloon, kid!

i type out words then i delete them.

i type out words then i delete them.

somethings i wanna say, then i don't wanna say.

the ones i wanna say, i can't seem to put them down.

the ones i don't wanna say, flow out of me like a stream of river.

the words that actually matter most on the other hand seem to be stuck behind a brick wall.

hmph.

the cycle continues. life goes on.

we still breathe.

one week to finish up a 2000 word proposal.

i can do it.

i had a topic i wanted to blog about but for the love of hot chocolate, i can't remember what it is i wanted to blog about. sheesh.

today was a very bleh day. mornings need to be good in order for the rest of the day to be good as well.

nows, i'm looking forwards to the weekend.

some of my favourite songs come from blogs i stumble upon. if i don't blog hop, i might not have such a vast library on iTunes. and most of the songs i absolutely love come from em' blogs. the latest one is no exception.

dear miami by roisin murphy :)



i just love it.

another two i absolutely love right now are shakira's she wolf and beyonce's sweet dreams :)

a wise friend once told me that nobody pays for music anymore. and that is just sad. i used to buy albums after listening to just one song and then end up regretting it cos it was only that one song that was really worth listening to *allsaints come to mind coughcough* so now, i wanna go out and go buy me an album. the only problem is, whose album is worth buying? the last album i remember buying is casting crown's the altar and the door.

i'm gonna go on an album hunt!

i'm also itching to go watch talentime. the only thing is that it's showing in cinemas that are NOT near my place. and i don't have the time to go this week :( maybe i'll go on a sunday. anybody wanna teman? a couple more films i wanna watch are up :D :D and maybe district 9. movie marathon, yes?

oohh, today in class i watched hang jebat. who knew movies back then could be so entertaining today? i think movies made back then are just brilliant. the acting abit over. and the evil laugh, can you say 'whoahhhh' too much?! really over the top stuff. totally dramatizing yet totally entertaining.

and i don't get why hang tuah is such the hero when really, it should be hang jebat! he stood for what he believed in. if hang tuah obeyed the sultan, why didn't he go die in the first place instead of hiding out? pffft. coward that's what. fear of death that's what. yeah, sure, he may have been framed for committing a crime he didn't do but still...he goes on preaching how he obeys the sultan and is loyal to the sultan yada yada yada well, the sultan commanded for the death of you so why didnt you die,huh huh huh?! and then he comes back from the dead and is all kam-ching with the sultan again. hello! the sultan ordered for your death and here you are serving him again as if nothing happened whilst your brother, hang jebat fought for your justice.

sigh.

history.

the chapter isn't fully closed. i know. i lied. but it's not fully blown up on the big screen either. it's just there, a sliver of an opening. enough to keep me afloat. enough to let me know that there is hope. somewhere. hopefully sometime in this present time. there are days, when i all i want to do is let it out. and then there are days where i just want to wait. only time can tell. i've learned that i should not rush certain things. i should take it one day at a time.

||

i'm having that overwhelming sensation again. always happens during that time of the semester. the only thing getting me through this is prayers.

i might possibly need a hug too.

writing experiments might possibly be the death of me. of all my 2 1/2 years of undergrad studies, i don't think i've ever felt such a chill of fear ever. not even for authorship. i have no idea how to go about for my final assignment and i haven't even started on the first yet.

like the popular chinese saying goes; sei for (die lor)

how now brown cow?

i went to a concert for the first time in my entire life.

no, i don't consider the westlife showcase when i was 11/12?! *shyyyy wtf*

frickin' awesome, i say!

things seem to be in perspective now. i'm not gonna think too much about it anymore because honestly, i don't want to go through that anymore. if it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen. i don't know why it took me some time to figure it out. maybe cause when you're alone with your thoughts, things just don't go into perspective that easily. you tell yourself something but your mind goes on and on telling you otherwise. the most dangerous is probably your own thoughts.

i'm really glad we talked. you totally made me see the 'light' wtf.

i guess i'm like that. you tell me to my face that this is what it is, i will let it go. i won't harp on the issue anymore when the facts are all laid out. because, there's nothing i can do to change it. the only thing changeable is me.

but if one day, the situation or dynamics do change, then so be it. i'll cross it when it comes.

right now, i'm telling myself that the chapter is closed. sealed. although i told myself before it was closed, it re-opened again. i'm gonna remain stronger this time...

...and i feel good.

the weeks are starting to go by, signaling the waves of assignments +___+ *breaks into cold sweat wtf*

bittersweet. this also signals the last of my assignment days. eventually. time really flies. on concord some more wtf. otherwise how can i be here in my final semester? how can i be 21 and still so clueless about what i want?

then there is the so much to do so little time. so hard to please-kan.

i think i need to go out more. these four walls is eating me alive.

help.

after 2 days of not going to class, waking up at 7am was a drag.

have to say that my lecturer has a slide for every word he says. but it's all good.

and i watched spinning gasing in class today. i was pleasantly surprised. now all i need is to find out what happens in the end. it wasn't a typical malaysian film. i really liked the overall feel of the movie. yeah, some of the acting might seem forced and over the top and even unrealistic, do we even speak like that? but i thought it fitted well with the film. now, i'm hoping for our unmade malaysian film to be along those lines. very inspiring i say! and i think i've figured out how i want to approach my essay question. yay me.

lately, i've been feeling strong emotions again. emotions i thought i have kept nicely away. not having to feel them again maybe until later. but no. a few months have gone by and they are surfacing again. i know that through Him, i can overcome anything for

I am the branch and you are the vines
if a man remains me and I in him
he will bear much fruit
apart from me you are nothing
-John 15:5

Lying Days, lost and insecure you found me, never floor by the early corner. You found me long, lost and insecure. Found insecurity and you lost me.. You lost insecurity and find me. Lost insecurity. Find me. You found insecurity. And lost me, insecurity you found. And lost me find the insecurity and lost me. The insecurity is lost. Find me lost The Cigarette Letters and insecure The End Letters. You loved me. Save and secured, you liked me. Lost and found, morning telephones, you have me gone. And came. Surrounded Wait, you need me maybe? And could have been you forever. Wanting and longing it was you, Heart beating pumping I want you, to be near you is all I ask, breathing you in, taking you in, finding strength within, letting you in, smoking the messages. I’m not lost when you’re near, I’m not insecure with you here. The city’s end sent to lay.

where's the beginning, the middle and the end?

welcome to my life in experiments.

i enjoyed every minute and every second. so please stay.

i took a nap and had a vivid and really weird and freaky dream. i think it had something to do with me reading something in the news and the words that stood out started to creep into my dreams creating this dream that was just really really odd and weird and scary. it felt so real and yet also felt like i was watching a movie with me starring in it.

i woke up from my nap feeling more tired than i was before taking the nap :/
it felt as though i was really physically doing the things i was in the dream.

i don't want to go into the details not because i can't remember what i dreamt about. ok laa, i don't really remember the details but then...forget it la. just know that i had a weird dream. it was like the end of the world kinda thing. ok. end.