popped.

as a friend, good news should be received with encouragement and support. not a straight letdown that brings a high to fuckin' down low. a burst to a bubble. splashing a bucket of freezing cold water into ones hopes and dreams. you may not be sincere about it but have the decency to say a kind word or two before you step, spit and condemn. it's only polite. wouldn't hold it against you anyways. but to undermine and then inject sarcasm into words you think sound encouraging only makes it worst and reflects what kind of a person you are. sure, it's known fact that negativity is what drives you. never held it against you. in fact, it's part of you. as a friend, it's become your 'charm', so to speak. but as a friend, the least you could do was pretend to be happy. for one day. then you can condemn and spit all you want another day. i wouldn't have cared as much. it's just unacceptable. i'm not saying that you can't voice your opinion on the matter but there are times when some things are just better left unsaid.

i guess it's hard, eh, to keep something to yourself. especially in times when opinions and comments on everything is rampant. gotta say something, anything, to stand out. social settings and situations have protocols too. you can't learn these things, so i guess it can't be blamed really. being a little more aware of what can or can't be said is probably a skill you will have to learn with time. for your sake, i hope it'll be sooner rather than later. it's one thing to not have a kind word to say. but it's another to give off the impression that you are holier than thou. not everything in life is peaches and cream. we would be in utopia then. fact of life is hardships are abundant. if things were so easy, stress free, why bother slogging away in school studying for hardcore exams at such an early age only to face rejection after rejection in life. i hope you realize that things have to start from somewhere. some have it easy and some have it hard. cest la vie. to give up after facing ONE hardship, i wish you the best in life. life is one hardship after another. it's not the hardships that define who or what we are. it's how we overcome them and come out triumphant on the other side of it all. stories you hear cannot and shouldn't define and mold your thoughts and views. i know. i allowed it to take control once. but i learn from it. and am in a better position now because of it.

it's your attitude. why be so negative? you're not even cautious or fearful. you just take the bad and go with it. letting the bad overtake and lead the path to your glory. i shouldn't even be surprised by what you said. looking for the best in a person when really, sometimes there just isn't. and that's not really my problem, eh? we're still friends because i'm not one to hold grudges. knowing who you are as a person, your character and attitude, i don't hold it against you. but it hurts, not gonna lie about it. words hurt. they hurt worst than a slap in the face or a punch to the gut. bruises heal. words remain forever. in the mind. and the mind is a dangerous thing. a very dangerous place.

stop the chit-chat.

i just did a 180 degree turn. like hello, i never would have imagined myself in this position. i'd tell you but i don't want to.

trials and tribulations happen. if they don't kill me, they only make me stronger. when one door closes, another opens.

bliss.

greater things to come.

things work out the way they do for a reason. only time will tell how things will be panned out. still optimistic and hopeful. not as down and out as i thought i would be. the big man upstairs knows what's going on. i don't, but i live on the faith and hope that what's happening now will lead to greater things to come.

what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.

word.

the middle of the week.

WEDNESDAY IS HERE!

the longest week will finally come to an end. i have found inner peace within myself ohhhhhmmmmm.

make or break.

last week i said 'this will be the longest week. ever.' today, it'll be the longest 3 days ever. tomorrow, it'll be the longest 2 days ever. and the story goes on.

despite me having doubts and uncertainty, the future suddenly never seemed brighter. i sincerely hope that this will be it. no more other uncertainties. but to have a mental and emotional breakdown on that day; suicide and self-sabotage :( i can only hope for the best and see that my light shines through till the very end.

and i pray.

the most productive i've ever been.

wasn't as bad as i thought it was going to be :)

and the email? well, one of them replied so hey, at least i know that they'll look at it, maybe.

it's a good day today :D

first.

i have 2 unsent emails in my inbox which i just wrote. another job application. up to date, i don't know how many emails i have sent. i could count them but i don't want to burst my own bubble just yet.

3.30pm. my first interview later. i am feeling calm, cool and collected. watching youtube videos on how to go about a job interview helped (thanks, Alex!) and some helpful tips from Sook Yan yesterday makes me breathe a little easier.

with regards to the 2 unsent emails, i will probably sent them out later, after my interview. or maybe i should just send them now. yeah. i'll do that.

clouded, shrouded.

i've got myself an interview this week. not too thrilled about it cause the position offered is not of interest to me.

so the question is, should i go for the interview anyways just to get the feel of it or screw it and wait expectantly for the email/phone call from the other company to tell me i can attend the first round of interviews? the reason for me wanting to bail out of this current interview is because i'm not interested in the position. i tried getting for more information from the website but there's just not no relevant information especially pertaining to the job description. and that's where the other company i'm really hoping for a reply for wins cause they're site is just bursting with information and right now, after reading through the site, i feel so pumped up and ready to just impress their socks off that i can already feel the job in my hands. but, i have to wait for the green light to move on the next step of the process.

part of me just doesn't want to go through a tough process just so i can turn down the offer. i don't want to waste my time and the employer's time when i already know where i stand in the decision making. but then, i have NEVER ever experienced an interview before. from what i heard, the interview process takes an hour +___+ so this would be good practice, yes for the other job/hopefully. honestly, i don't think i've ever wanted anything so much. the olympus pen doesn't count wtf. at this point, i am VERY reluctant to go for the interview and just put myself up for disappointment. if i don't feel like i want the job, i won't be giving my 120% in it, going above and beyond to impress. and the thing is, my summer trip is just this big block in my path now. so i can either apply after returning or apply now and set myself up for disappointment. times like these, i wish i was still in uni, fretting and stressing over assignments and deadlines.

there are still many other places i have not applied to and yet, i seem to be so intent on harping on that one company. i just feel really impressed and confident in the way they work. and i hope by getting through to the interviews, i can find out more about it. but i should still keep my options open, yes? sigh.

all i can do is pray about it and ask God to impress upon me the right thing to do.

lemonade

my english. FAIL.

hello, i don't know the difference between adjective and noun and preposition and whatever lingo English loves to term their words. a word is a word, no? i only know verb :D

definition: to describe an action.

the rest can go and flush themselves down the toilet bowl.

my dear brother today, of all days, wanted my help on his english homework. on the days that i DO want to help him, he doesn't want my help. but today, he solicited my help. what can i say? don't do your homework. homework's for losers wtf. of course not. and today's homework was underline 3 adjectives in each sentence. i think there was 10 sentences. WHUT?! 30 adjectives?!

i shall be shameless and just tell you that i had to type adjective in my search bar and look up the definition of the word adjective. urgh, saying the word adjective makes me want to nunchuck that word and kick it's sorry ass to timbaktu. now, timbaktu is a word that rolls nicely of your tongue, don't you think?

but then i do so often come across words that after a long time of looking at them, come of as weird. like the spelling and pronunciation of the word makes no bloody sense. and then all is well again when the earth turns on its axis and gravity is restored and i see the word and familiarity hits me right on the spot.

i watched bits and pieces of idol gives back. the last 40 minutes of the show and the first 20 minutes perhaps? yes, in that order. you gotta love starworld for broadcasting the same show twice. why didn't every other channel think of that? oh, right. cause they screen it again at a later time. which was why i got to saw the last part first and the first part last. then i couldn't go through with it anymore cause my mother was busy rectifying the mistakes i made with the adjective homework 0__o i had to hide in my room to avoid the onslaught of vicious adjectives my mother would have thrown at me if i were to continue to be in the near vicinity of easy attack. hiding has saved me and my bruised ego.

where was i? oh, yes. idol. i cried watching some parts. then i switched to oprah during the commercial breaks and cried some more. i don't know about you but oprah can bring on the water works whenever she talks about real life stories about real life people. not plasticky, celluloid people although they do sometimes. i cry when i see kids in pain and not being able to be kids like their supposed to. the kids in idol gives back, breaks my heart. truly. and the sad story of how nine special kids lost their parents to murder, what kind of world do we live in?

we've gotta treat each other right.

on a more lighthearted yet absolutely majorly crucial topic, i need an aim. a target if you may. for life in 5 or 10 years time. i've gotta start working towards something, eh? what the hell do i want? people ask me 'so where have you applied to?' i give my reply and then it hits me, i NEVER applied to this one industry which before graduation, i was really quite gung-ho about and i never applied to another industry which i quite fancy doing. and then i get a call from a corporate company and suddenly i find myself wanting and coveting to climb the corporate ladder. now all i think about is jobs jobs jobs.

it's comforting to know that i'm not alone in this. i may the last one in my batch to find a job but hey, who's competing?

not yet. the race is just beginning.

cue the jeng jeng JENGGGGGGGGG

burp.

bit off more than i could chew. now i have a bloated stomach to thank for.

what to do, i couldn't resist the bubble tea. we rounded the area for what felt like an hour but was probably only 15 minutes. every car before us found a spot. we were one step behind. we were THIS close to giving up and going home but our perseverance paid off albeit parking illegally and having the law enforcers one street away. the lure of the night market was just too strong.

pasar pagi

loud announcements and pop music blared from the school field next door, making a slow waltz into my slumber, gradually increasing it's volume and transforming it's unwanted presence into a full-on hip-hop dance routine complete with head spinning on ground, totally defying gravity (how can your entire body stay in the air and how can your head support your body?!! oh to be a hip-hop dancer). i woke up at 8am, giving my mind a shock. blurry eyed, i shut my eyes. but of course, nobody can stop the hip-hop. nobody!

15 minutes of tossing and turning, i got up with zombie-like movements, stomping my way to the bathroom and splashing cold water on my face, returning to human form. damn you sports day! the school was having their sports day, fyi. hello, what happened to having sports day in the majlis perbandaran compound?!

so what to do when awake so early? go to the market. this little piggy went to the market. this little piggy cried weeweewee all the way home wtf.

and i was horrified. they were selling live chicken :O they'll pick the juiciest chicken and then slaughter it right then and there :O it was damn painful to watch. they'll hold the chicken by the wings, weigh them and then...the process begins. the chickens were clucking in pain. my face showed a picture of horrification. i thought markets sold chickens that were already plucked and slaughtered. not in cages, awaiting death at the market place. i wish i didnt see that.

and the smell of the morning market? smelt of blood and guts. the floor was splashed with drops of blood, like a scene from CSI. that's the smell i hated when i was young whenever my mother asked me if i wanted to go to the market.

guess what? i still hate the smell.

head in the clouds.

the most grown-up thing i've done since graduating, is attending a career fair. online applications can only do so much. at least now i know they have physically accepted my resume. it was a day of selling my soul to the highest bidder like i was selling kitchen knives door-to-door. nothing much went on. it was like a 'we're hiring. drop your resume in the box along with hundred other resumes. thank you'. they had boxes for us to 'drop in' our resumes like we were dropping in our name cards in hopes to win a free lunch from nandos.

in the field that i am in, not much of a choice. engineers and business kids on the other hand will feel like they're five and have access to all the latest toys in toy's R us. there were however a few that stood out so at least it wasn't all lost. a couple of broadcasting media companies stood out for me :D would be heavenly if i could score something in either one. there was a newspaper company there that didn't bother to approach us despite us walking into their booth. well, whatever. i don't read your papers anyway.

3 hours, 5 resumes and 2 auditions later, i feel productive. at least i'm one step closer to contributing to the economy and encouraging capitalism in one form or another. not that i'm not doing so now so what am i saying? i'm one step closer to paying the water and electric bills, that's what i'm saying.

it was rather appalling though to see kids in jeans and t-shirt, shorts and flip-flops going to a career fair. you're not shopping for a new pair of shoes, idiot! if that's not enough, there are kids who didn't come with their resumes!!! wtf is this the circus? why go to a career fair if all you're doing is setting yourself up for disaster? aren't you the least bit embarrassed when asked if you have a hard copy of your resume and you say no. i think having being asked if they have a soft copy of their resume takes the cake. can have the cheek to say no. go slap yourself in the head. people are looking for jobs here not a holiday to the caribbean. i guess priorities are different.

there were kids on the other hand who went all out, dressed in their suits and formal wears. hello, that's the way it should be. maybe the suit is a little too much for a career fair but that shows an effort. better overdressed than under-dressed!

but dressing aside, i guess we've gotta make an impression. a lasting impression. and boy that ain't easy. a firm handshake. a solid tone of voice. an air of confidence. a winning smile. eye-contact that shoots lasers. resumes that stand out. i had a lady asking us to send her an email, convincing her why she should hire us.

wahh. reality check. we're the not only ones in this position.

conversations with madness

if life can be arranged in a neat and organized order, then life's just going through the motions like a steam engine chugging down the railroad or a coffee-maker grinding beans to the sound of my heartbeat.

life's meant to be lived. in random movements and conversations. in spontaneous acts of declarations. lived as if you've drank 21 shots of tequila. eaten a tub of ben&jerry's just cause they make you feel like walking on sunshine. life's meant to be crazy, out of control. live not in fear but in the excitement of the unknown.

today, i took out my black 20 pocket clear file holder to get my life organized. arranging my achievements from present to past, from highest to lowest. life in order, in linear, in sequence. no random splash of blood and sparkles. no coffee stains and hidden lipstick stains in the corner. achievements that don't mean a thing when i realize that there's no cigarette burns on my fingertips. no love bites to mark the coming of age. no summons to scratch the surface.

i finally bought myself a file to systemically organize and arrange my qualifications and achievements from highest to lowest. damn, this is where i grow up. mentally and physically too wtf not sideways, i hope. given up on vertical already. i've reached my maximum height.

baby, if i've got you, i don't need no parachute

hi. today, a couple of decades and then some years ago, i came out of my mother's womb, kicking and screaming. at least that's how i assumed i came out. but that's beside the point. the point is, i came out and here i am today many many years later.

feels like yesterday i celebrated my 21st and lo and behold, i'm 22 now. can't escape the fact that i am no longer a young and reckless youth. not that i was one in the first place but i would like to imagine that i can be one but age has caught up wtf i sound like i'm old. but not. i is still young. and not the young-at-heart kind of young.

i've said my thank you's and given out free hugs but no words can truly describe the love i feel from each and every individual who took the time to wish me a happy birthday.

i feel blessed <3

so carerfuhh

this afternoon i caught the last 5 minutes of the hairography episode of glee and was brought to tears when they sang cyndi lauper's true colours. the whole simplicity of it, sitting on the stools in a row and just the lights as backdrops and their voices as instruments made for a compelling and powerful performance, in my books.



the singing was theatrical enough without the hair swinging and booty shaking :P which is why the song is playing on a loop now :) and the lyrics are really pretty too and not because the word rainbow is in it wtf.

FTS i am fuckin' hungry and it's 1.40 AM now!!! there's an orchestra playing and it's not the MPO, is all i'm saying. and i have this barely there cough which is driving me insane because i was kept up all night with an itchy and sore throat which is thankfully bearable now, almost non-existent actually. but the barely there cough is there and that's just as bad. but i will drink my 8 glasses of water a day and eat an apple a day to keep the doctor away!

easter is coming up! let's not be sidetracked by what this day is all about. no, it's not about easter eggs and chocolate bunnies though they do lend a festive air to the season. just save a prayer for our nation. our country needs to be prayed for more than ever now.

a spoonful of sugar can't make this bitterness go down.

i'm feeling a lil' bitter. nothing major. don't worry, the earth is still spinning and gravity is still intact.

but really. REALLY?!

i'm still feeling bitter. but hey, i'm moving on to better things. like my own travel show, yes lips? we can really really work on our NatLi video in june :D

i feel much better now.

i play it off but i'm dreamin' of you

i've got a song stuck in my head and no, it's not justin beiber's baby :p

i try by macy gray.

i tried to say goodbye and i choke,
tried to walk away and i stumble,
though i try to hide it,
it's clear,
my world crumbles when you are not there.

the chorus came to me this morning. in the car. as i was singing the chorus in my head, i got stuck at though i try to hide it, it's clear cause colbie caillat's the little things was playing on the radio. i had to put my hands over my ears to try and find the words to ms. gray's song and also tried to sing it out loud/whisper so my mum won't think i'm mad. but couldn't. ohmygawd do you know how frustrating it is to have the words at the tip of your tongue but because of the other song constantly penetrating my flow of thoughts i couldn't figure it out. till i stepped out of the car. then the words came right out of my mouth faster than you can say i try.

gotta say, i didn't like the song when it came out. but years and experience have changed my view. so the question is, where is macy gray at now? she's been missing from the biznez.

she's my winona

remember as a child, you would dream of that barbie dream house that your parents just refuse to get for you? you would go to bed dreaming about it and then you would wake up all excited and run down stairs like it's christmas morning and santa has just brought in the mother load. you have a big wide smile plastered on your 5 year old face and you will quietly and quickly descend the stairs in your pyjamas, only to find reality slapping you in the face. oh fudge, it was only a dream. and then you go up to your room feeling dejected and maybe slightly embarrassed but thankfully no one was awake to witness it.

yeah. childhood. how i miss thee so.

many times as i grow older, i dream dreams. dreams that make my heart aflutter. dreams that make my heart pound. dreams that make my heart cry. not cause it was a bad dream but cause i had to wake up from it. i could never dream the same dream again. it only happens once and then poof, it's gone. stored temporarily in my memory bank only to find itself slowly seeping away, fading into an abyss. but then somedays, the dreams just come back and hit me, unconsciously and then i try as hard as i can to remember details about the dream. but with each try to fill in the blanks, i change the dream and then i end up creating something new out of the old, eliminating whatever memory i had about the old dream.

i gasp for air. my grip loosening. images fading.

if only we can burn dreams into a dvd and watch it whenever we want. how did stephenie meyer do it?! (she dreamt of that scene in the meadow and look at where that has her led to now, robert pattinson and taylor lautner; shirtless). not that i want to write a book from my dream although sometimes when i take a nap, it feels like i've just watched a james bond movie! i kid not. i've dreamt of car chases and kidnapped plots in my nap times +__+ i could make a predictable action flick from it wtf.

there are some dreams where i just want to keep but memory just won't allow it.

screen fades to black. the curtains call.

shhushhh.

i have an unhealthy obsession with cheryl cole. probably from reading about her up-to-no-good husband who surprise surprise, went sleeping around. is this what it has come to? men sleeping around. married men, at that! has it become the norm? from the constant spotlight of such infidelities in the media, i think it has slowly become an acceptable and dare i say it, expected act to happen.

x marries y. give it a few months, x will appear in the papers for sleeping with z. x and y work it out. suddenly a whole list of names start popping out like unpop-ed popcorns!

i don't have to mention names. you all read about it in the media. it happens to the best of men. and women. you would think that having everything and i mean everything what with the vast amount of money that rolls in that they would be happy and contented with life. but they prove us wrong. so i guess it's true then, money can't buy happiness. sex can. are we screwed up or are we screwed up? the poor are still poor and the rich are getting richer but they don't just want the fame and glory. they want to be shamed and embarrass themselves and their families as well. who do we blame for these heinous acts of infidelities? the married man? the seductress? the wife who got cheated on? the poor, innocent, misinformed vixen who got tricked into the affair? the young and naive underaged girl who can't tell right from wrong? fingers get pointed. cameras are aimed and focused. people play the blame game. people play the hate game. then it dies down. we learn to forget and begin to welcome these individuals back again. the past lies where its supposed to be.

which is why it's slowly becoming acceptable. people need to talk. people need to be talked about. people love reading about it. aren't we all to blame? nobody can tell when acts of infidelities happen. they just do. in the heat of the moment, men forget about the vows they made. seductresses feel empowered and in control. passion. lust. human nature. we want what we can't have. and we do get it, we keep it a secret. not because we want to but because we know it's wrong. wrong things are meant to be kept secret. not the good ones. engagements are not meant to be kept secret. pregnancies are not meant to be kept secret but they do. unapproved love leads to secret engagements. unwanted pregnancies leads to secret pregnancies. we keep secrets because they're detrimental. to the keeper of the secret. to the person who's not meant to know about the secret. and yet therein lies the excitement. suddenly life seems to have an extra burst of colour. there's an added spice to life.

but then there are some secrets that can't be kept. like how you know someone should not be in a toxic relationship but they just won't listen to anyone despite how everyone is telling them that it's wrong. what do you do? let them continue on in that relationship until it's too late. what do you do? sit in the sidelines and watch? fear the loss of friendship? fight for it till the person sees the truth? the secrets out of the bag. then what?

and then there are secrets that are good. great. inspiring even. secret surprise birthday parties. secret admirers which can be seen as creepy on the other hand but i'm not talking about that.

where was i? oh yes. cheryl cole. don't know much about her. just that some of her songs are growing on me. and i just love them british accents!

fight for this love is on a loop on radios. quite ironic really. she sings about it and yet look what's happening. divorce in the works. splitting of assets. a very sorry husband who's apologetic about his cheating but not fighting for this love. marriage isn't sacred anymore. it can come as easily as it goes. a trend that will never grow old.

but they'll bounce back and rule a small piece of the world. and life goes on. we move on from the pain. the embarrassment. and we rock the next thing that comes into our life.

secrets are revealed and new ones are kept but we continue rocking on, with spotlights and adoring fans.

'muchness' very much there

i don't know why people are dissing the movie alice in wonderland >:(

i absolutely adore it! i'm guessing the visual orgasm people got from avatar brought the damper on alice's visuals, well boo to you. avatar was made to be visually orgasmic. alice on the other was made to tickle your funnybone/senses/tastebuds and all that is able to be tickled wtf. it was quirky and i loved it.

so much so that it's my mozilla persona! you can get them here.

best thing i discovered ;) now my mozilla header/whatever you call it don't look so dull and generic.

we grew up too fast, too soon

it started out like any other sundays. except today, i woke up super duper late +__+ but managed to get ready in time :D i is superwoman.

i ate breakfast and came home. read the papers, i love the sunday edition. so many pages! except for the newest addition. it's an english paper for goodness sake. it should remain that. if i wanted something else, i would have gotten something else.

got the call to go for lunch and my adventures began wtf. it was a productive day cos i bought 2 books and got a truckload of disney classics :) honestly, we actually wanted the disney cartoon version of alice in wonderland cos we watched it so long ago that we only have bits and pieces of it stored in our very limited brain capacity. but they didn't have it and we are damn upset but we shall persevere and continue looking for it! RAH RAH RAH \0/

so we ended up with the other princesses. just as well. we're trying to get back in touch with our childhood past times. which reminds me of the wongfu productions weekend episode! check it outs



haiyoo so kiut la.

it's not hogwarts but it's all gooood...

the golden man

did you guys catch the oscars on tv? i did. it's been awhile since i last watched an awards show. i used to follow ALL of it. the grammy's, the golden globes, mtv video awards etc. then i just stopped. today however, i watched the oscars. i didn't plan on it but i was channel surfing and bing bam boom, i was just in time to catch the red carpet. and another bing bam boom, it was the awards show itself.

and boyy did the stars all look glam-ed up!











but i really liked the part for when they were talking about the nominees for the best actor and actress, where their fellow co-workers? peers? give intimate glimpses into the person behind the characters. i thought it was really sweet and has a nice personalized touch to the whole drama rama that awards seasons brings. and i believe it's also nice to hear your peers acknowledging your work and you, as a human being, character and all.

i haven't watched any of the nominated films except for Up! and avatar. i really want to watch inglourious basterds, blind side, up in the air and the hurt locker. the hurt locker because well, i just got my hands on it and just to see what the fuss it's about. blind side cause it's sandra bullock's award winning role, yo! she should have won for her role in the proposal. that was some funneh shyt.



it was great to watch kathryn bigelow win best director. first ever female director to win. that's the shizznit! inspiring stuff. beating her ex-husband, james cameron too! the dude who created his own frickin' world and language and just upped the level of movie-making. inspirational indeed. makes me want to direct my own movie.

undisclosed desires

le sigh, i just remembered about a pair of shoes i tried on today. so pretty but so expensive. rm389 +____+

i love pretty shoes but then i always end up prioritizing comfort over style. blisters are my number one nemesis when it comes to pretty shoes. so i always end up wearing flats. all the time. but i'm trying to wear my heels more often. break into them so i don't end up hurting. otherwise they'll just sit in the closet and become a white elephant that i only imagine wearing.

show me what i'm looking for.

i saw an ad for a marriage partner in the papers today. phone number and email provided. wow, lonely woman looking for a partner and she had to resort to a classified sections in the papers. and hers was the only one today.

where are all the men at?! i thought women were irresistible and if anyone should be having problems, it'll be the men. but the world doesn't work that way. unfortunately. even carrie tried it once. not advertising in the papers of course. but she tried sleeping around the way men did. and somehow or rather, it just doesn't work for women. we put emotions in. and how can we not? we live our lives based on our emotions; happiness, anger, sadness, joy, sorrow, excitement, pain. so how do the men do it? play around with emotions and then get away with it without feeling anything? do they hide it in a box and then bury it deep down in a dark untouched corner? or it's just in their DNA. to not feel.

but then, you'll get men who just feels too much and their emotions just run loose that it dominates their entire being. they cry and whine and write poetry. and then somehow, it's the women that get blamed for the downfall of men. i would love to meet the women who have done such horrendous-ness to men and just ask them, do you hide your emotions in a box and bury it in a deep, dark hole? or is it year and years of taking no-nonsense and then playing the game the way it was meant to be played all along? or maybe, they finally know the rules of the game and it's the single ladies out there who are in the loss now.

the dating game is like the survival of the fittest. if you ain't got game, don't play it. don't even scratch the surface. then how? just wait and maybe in this lifetime never find that one true love because you never played the game. and at the end of the day, place an ad in the classifieds sections and just settle on the guy that calls and comes forward with a marriage proposal, with you telling yourself you'll eventually fall in love with the man who saved you from a lonely miserable life. time can heal and so time can also teach.

i hope it doesn't end up like this for all single women out there. ever notice all relationship books are aimed at women and not at men. WHY?! is it because men know the rules of the game? were they the ones that invented the effin' game?!

there's a case going on about a man suing- or whatever the legal terms are- a man for trying to entice his wife into having an extramarital affair. the ironic thing is, after going through all that legality, he is now divorcing his wife. and yet the case i think is still on-going. sigh, so people don't just get married and divorce anymore.

some people can go on dating all their life and never settle. and some, start dating at such a young age that you begin to wonder, did they not go through the phase of life where you hated the opposite sex? i knew i did (but i don't anymore, just so we're clear)

sigh, what i'm trying to say is, when will the right one come along? do we have to place an ad in the papers to get what we're looking for or do we just wait till the right one comes along and if he doesn't show, too bad. live and let live.

heartbreak isn't the only hardest thing people go through in relationships, broken ones i mean. beginning one is equally, if not doubly hard! and in order to begin one, we gotta find one who's interested to start one! sigh. if only parents match-made kids before they were even born. life's questions solved.

but God will provide. He always does. we may not see it now but when he does, we'll understand.

like clockwork, the hands move.

i got slightly lost after making a wrong turn but i knew my way around man. instincts. kinda figured my way around. all those years in the passenger seat and it was put to good use.

tried getting to amcorp mall cause i wanted to check out the moving-out sale at bookXcess. first of all, who goes to amcorp mall and why? car park was filled and i see people moving in and out of the area but really, what do they do there?! to shop?! shop for what?! eat?! eat what?! mcdonalds?! starbucks?! there was a "flea market"/"bazaar" whatever fancy term they're calling it these days but the things on sale were nothing to shout about. i knew what i was there for. to buy cheap books. but that was it. otherwise, i wouldn't say in a conversation with my friends "hey, let's go to amcorp mall!" okay enough of mall bashing wtf.

my life is now complete. i have the full set of meg cabot princess diaries series except for the first book cause i watched the movie and thought to myself "heh, i'll just get the second book". and thus began my love relationship with meg cabot and her words. the latest and final princess diaries book costs a bomb in regular bookstores. i think it was rm49.90 +_____+ rip-off! but i got it for rm17.90 \0/ victory dance. i could probably get it for rm5 in the next warehouse sale they have but i couldn't wait. plus it was the last book on the shelf. i had to get it before the girl sitting on the stool tries to snatch it away from me.

<3

ohh, she might be sitting on the stool reading some kiddy book but i know what you're thinking! i grabbed the book and held it tight as i browsed the book shelves for other treasures.

sigh, the moving-out sale was only applicable to certain books. none that i was interested in. but the regular priced books were a pretty good deal too. i could buy 2 books for the price of one in regular bookstores. i managed to get 2 meg cabot books. my life is complete :D rm17.90 for a book i would normally have to pay rm35.90 is a damn good deal if you ask me. the warehouse sale is even better. i bought the princess diaries series for only rm5 each! and one of it was a hardcover which was selling for rm17.90 in the store today. nyehehe. i'm a sucker for good deals. there's a writer in the star who writes on fashion every (not every but almost) sunday and she says to "never pay retail" hell yeah!

unfortunately i didn't do my research before going and left out one other book i wanted to get. i only knew the title and not the author's name. go me!

this was the book i wanted. le sigh. i'll go back to amcorp mall one of these days which reminds me of their totally absolutely flawed parking system. one entry point. two exit points. one of the exit points totally blocks the flow of traffic/fist in air. one that causes a major traffic standstill, i'm sure at the back of the line. but i don't go there often so i'm not too worked up about it.

i'm trying my best-est not to read alice in wonderland not alice in THE wonderland reviews. somehow or rather, critics and their reviews make or break the movie for me. i know it but then i can't help myself and i read them. which then influences the way i watch the movie. i need more self-control. so here i am exercising that control. i shall refuse to read reviews from now onwards. i did read the review for up in the air and it was highly recommended! so i'm definitely gonna try and get my hands on that. aiyoo, i can't live with them and i can't live without them. the reviews, i mean. i'm pretty fickle-minded, eh?


wey hey, it's the month of march now which means that the birthdays are now coming in like a snowball rolling down the slope/hill at speeds faster than the speed of sound.

soul sister

- i like watching hbo in HD

- i'm reading the lovely bones

- i find out i have the dvd too//double happiness. i can read the book and watch the movie and then compare the two. i'll dissect the book and the movie and then make comparisons and then demand for my money back.

- i'm gonna bake a cake from scratch.

- i just read finish a chick lit. oh meg cabot please write another book.

- i have once again emailed the same company. but for a completely different position.

- graduation next week :) FINALLY. i'm starting to think that the past 3 years of my life is going by unacknowledged.

- i need to get 2010 diary refills. my current diary is stuck in 2008 +____+ authorship, pr, post-col due dates scribbled all over.

- i have tonnes of errands to do tomorrow/in the morning actually seeing as how it is morning now.

- american idol is really just one big karaoke contest.

- didn't want to miss extreme on discovery travel and living cause i missed the first ep last week and i was hoping to catch the episode where they showed extreme rollercoasters. well, i caught the show alright. extreme trucks this week. i love the american trucks! they are just effin' gorgeous and huge and just awesomely cool unlike our lorries which can turn turtle when the wind blows.

i'm behind the camera, in case you were squinting your eyes.

i am in awe of their trucks. with trucks looking like this, i would become a truck driver. check out extremes.

- sex and the city is my new found joy.

there, my life in dashes.

too short

well, that went well.

i took the measuring tape and had my mum help me with the measurements.

not my fault i was born with my height, innit? so that's that. one dream down.

oh wells.

a cup of cappuccino

i remember it like it was yesterday. just the 3 of us in the car. mum and dad in the front, dad driving and me in the back seat. i was an only child then. i think my mother asked me what i wanted to be when i grow up.

"an air stewardess"

it was the most glamourous job i could think of. didn't occur to me that it was really a glamourised waitressing job. i think my mother laughed and said, you want to serve coffee or tea? i sat in the backseat and thought to myself, "i can travel and get paid for it". so that was why i wanted to be an air stewardess. free travels.

now, i don't know what i want. being an adult is overrated. kids can't wait to grow up but honestly, i don't see the appeal now. it's stressful just being an adult. so much to worry about. i don't think i'm old enough to handle this and i'm already an adult. can't i remain a kid forever and be like peter pan, living in neverland and flying from one place to another without having to serve coffee or tea? oh wait, the king of pop did that. bless his soul. so in other words, i should be a celebrity? booyeah. my one way ticket out.

i saw the recruitment ad for an airline company this morning. suddenly my heart beat a lil' faster than usual and a lightbulb flashed above my head.

"AH HA!"

i fulfilled all the requirements.

well, at least i think i did. the height requirement was kinda tricky but i think i'm gonna take the measuring tape tomorrow and measure myself and see if i fulfill that one requirement i know i can never fill/don't discriminate juz cos i was born this height, yo!

so that's my progress with the job hunt. i'm flipping through newspapers and anticipating emails from jobstreet.com, recommending me jobs that fulfill my criteria.

if only money fell from the sky, then i wouldn't be in this predicament. but then again, if you find a job you LOVE, it wouldn't be a job anymore, wouldn't it? or something along those lines. i believe it's a saying people tell themselves to make them feel better. or maybe it is true. i wouldn't know. i don't know what i love besides sitting at home and surfing through the career section of every major company out there. i could be the next youtube sensation, eh? just me and my camera and i'm good to go. think of something witty to say, throw in some camera effects and i'm the next big thing.

hmm. that does sound like a plan.

stay tuned. i might just post my video SOON.

huge emphasis on the soon by the way...of the negative kind. i tried making a birthday video for my friend and that in itself was very difficult for me to do. it was rather unnatural i would say, to talk to yourself. i am always paranoid that someone is going to walk in on me when i am filming myself and talking to myself. self-image issues, i suppose. but i did make the video after lots and lots of takes. they're all deleted of course.

who knows, i may just have the video uploaded tomorrow. i am 'job hunting' now which is really an euphemism for bumming and that translates to loads of free time. oh yeah, i am living the life.

but it sure is lonely at the top.

or really, is this at the bottom?

yup. it is.

the bottom of the food chain.

unemployment.

heartbreaking

i read some devastating news.

one of the trainers in Sea World drowned when a whale dragged her into the pool. usually, news like this i would read and then sympathize for the family. but this one, especially hit close to home. a year ago, i was there, watching the spectacular Shamu show. i've seen the Xmas themed special and the regular show and i was in awe of how killer whales, dolphins and sealions could be trained to do stunts. heck, i had trouble training my dog so how can sea animals and one so big as the killer whale be trained to do jumps and splashes and other tricks?

dedicated trainers.

you can read the news articles here and here

imma be

a few more days and it'll be the end of CNY and the month of february +__+ it feels like yesterday we were counting down to the year 2010.

classes officially begin next week but of course, yours truly has already graduated :D teeheehee. do i miss it? yeah, a lil'. at least with classes, i knew that i had something to look forward too like assignments and classes and the constant ranting of the many assignments i have to do. i think i'm gonna miss the late nights of essaying and the rush to get a good parking space but i'm just gonna leave them at that. memories.

now, i am fully committed to getting myself a job! that is my numero uno worry right now. i know i can't really commit to a job at this time till july but damnson, it worries me that i'm gonna be left behind and i'll have to rely on the goodness of my parents to keep on supporting me. hell no. it was good while it lasted but i'm pretty ready to work and earn my own moneh. i want to be able to buy that bag or shoe or camera (hinthint btw i'm looking to getting myself a new camera. care to chip in and support the help fund natasha's bid to get a new camera wtf)

besides that, i am also trying to lose weight. i, the one who is DAMN against diets might just very well resort to that +____+ that's how desperate i am. people keep telling me 'wow, you're fatter now" but i disagree wtf. i'm still wearing the same size clothing so how fat can i be, right? i haven't had to resort to go buying clothes at the plus size section/ms. read wtf. i'm doing my best really. i've been running on the treadmill for 3 days in a row now. i watch sex and the city when i run. killing two birds with one stone. i burn calories and learn about men and relationships. i'm currently at season 1 now. so my goal is to watch one episode for every half hour i run. so far i'm at episode 4. i cheated today and watched 2 episodes (teeheehee) as a reward to myself for keeping up with my goal of running consecutively for 3 days. it used to be alternate days but that only lasted me for like two times then i slacked. not anymore! too many people have come up to me and told me that i looked fatter now. it's very disheartening but then it is also my motivation to lose them fats around my target areas!

whatever it is, i am on a mission! RAH RAH RAH!

even if i have to resort to a diet then so be it. i did read about fasting in the papers. i might just try it out. see how determined i am.

/thumps chest

lemony snicket

my mother calls it idiot-proof but i call it cake. plain simple truth.

it's the instant ones where all you need to do is add 1 cup of water, 1/3 oil and 3 eggs. mix it. put it in the oven. 30 minutes later, CAKE!

sure, it's much more convenient to drive to the bakery and pick a cake that sounds fanciest/double chocolate delight anyone? or a cake that has the most fruit toppings you can humanly possible fit or just a swiss roll or sponge cake will do. whatever. i like the smell of cakes baking to fill the air. giving off that homely smell and the illusion that the house is a house that has a marvelous baker baking up a storm!

fine, i like the thought of eating something that i made with my own bare hands. it's very satisfying. sure, sometimes it don't taste so good but hey, i made it! so this is me trying to be domesticated. i can't cook to save my life but i'm trying. if i can't save the world, at least let me feed the man that WILL save the world wtf/talking about my future husband wtf.

i don't have a picture of the cake. just imagine this: square shaped lemon cake.

enough to make you drool, eh? teeheehee. oh just entertain me for a bit.

sure, while we're at it, i can't cook to save my life unless of course it's maggi mee but even that i've managed to screw up. once!

i was cooking the korean instant noodles. somehow or rather, i got confused with how much water i had to put into the pot and so as i put in the noodles, the water level started going down. not good. ok fine, i'll just have a lil' bit of soup then. pffft. boy was i wrong. ended up having dried noodles instead! the picture on the packaging lied to meee. i should have sued wtf.

sigh. even cracking an egg is a most tedious task for me.

i need to go for a course teaching me domestic lessons ie. how to cook, chop, clean, bake, wash and many more/omg there's MORE wtf.

unless i skip that and find a job that gives me a fat paycheque every month so that i can afford to hire help. but i also want a baby and they don't come cheap too. i also want a dog and they cost just as much as a baby. looks like i'll have to do everything myself and save up for a dog and then when it comes to the baby, i can rely on my joint financial account :)

i guess i'll start with baking first. i want to bake chocolate chip cookies and cheese cake! they make it so easy on TV that it's ridiculous.

look at me, here i am trying to lose the kilos but still want to bake. not helping my situation.

the lion does a dance

my cheeks are stained red not from the liquid blusher but from the scorching hot sun i had the most unfortunate chance of standing under one fine day. adding salt to the wound, i didn't put on my spf40 sunblock. and now, here i am nursing sunburnt cheeks that stings when i apply layer after layers of moisturizer. if there's a time to say fml, this is one of the times.

now i can save myself 30 seconds or less in the morning. i don't have to apply blusher. i now have naturally red cheeks. that sometimes hurt when dry air ie. aircond blows at it.

why was i standing under the sun?









lion dance :D

they have crazy stunts now like jumping from pole to another effortlessly as if they eyes at the back of their behinds/ass :O

way too cool for ya!

come to momma, you, ray ban wayfarers!















pictures courtesy of *click*

i covet!

Tung Tung Tung Chang!!!

chinese new year day 2 was spent a visiting.

house-hopping wtf. one of the great customary traditions of the new year celebrations. i don't know about you but my plans for dieting and exercising are thrown out the window. i don't know how anyone can resist all that food glorious food. looks like i can only start my grand plan after the 15 days of celebrations/sigh, willpower damn cannot make it. but whatev's man. i missed last year's celebrations, i ain't missing this years too,yo!

another great thing is the receiving of the angpaus. who doesn't like it when people give you money in bright shiny red packets? i like to see the various red packet designs people use. some are traditional looking whilst there are those that are unique. i usually keep those that are pretty looking.

then there are the lion dance/dragon dance/tiger dance(?) the whole shingding. the loud drums and cymbals and the crazy jumping from one tiny pole to another. you gotta love it. plus the firecrackers and fireworks. last night alone i saw/heard a few of em'. people are willing to spend on these theatrical showpieces. it's like burning your money, literally. but hey, makes the kids happy and it does bring home the festivities of it all so why not. plus it's only once a year. from my bedroom window i saw two fireworks. pretty awesome stuff :) i wanted to take pictures but everytime i clicked, the fireworks boomed into oblivion so i never got to catch them/ like trying to catch a shooting star +___+

and then there's the yee sang. omg i used to hate them with a vengeance but now i look forward to this dish every year! i've had them twice already/prances around cause i'm a happy child.

i like how this celebration brings people together. yeah, we can always go visit one another any other day but somehow for the new year's, people make that extra effort to go visiting and planning dinners to celebrate the new years together. i used to think that cny was only a two day celebration cause it says so in the calendars wtf but little did i know that it's a fifteen day celebration, no wonder we still got angpaus even after the two day period :O chinese history is actually pretty interesting. when i was in taiwan, i enjoyed my visit to the national palace museum tremendously despite it being super crowded. all those artifacts and stories behind them were really interesting. makes me understand my kulh-ture!

13 more days of celebration!

prances around like a happy child :DDD

they call it special k. i call it a-ok.

i need a weight loss plan. right now, at the top of my head, i can think of kellogg's special k.

i'm not aiming to be skinny but there are a few kilos i could do without and a toned body helps with my self-image and confidence too.

what is NOT helping my situation at all is that the CNY celebrations are just around the corner. how can i resist? all that temptation and i'm only just to sit by and watch people eat? not in this lifetime.

but hell no. i need to do this. otherwise i'll be on this downward spiral to becoming all flabby.

NOT. IN. THIS. LIFETIME. NO WAY.

sigh. maybe after CNY, perhaps?

can you see what i'm working with? mampus ku.

a time for merry making

customer service is really a drag when you're not into it. the effort to smile and sing praises and wax lyrical is enough to put a bullet through your brains.

but then again, you get to meet and talk to people you will NEVER ever regularly meet or talk to in any other situation. the up side i suppose. the down side, there ain't no time for you to be all mr. or in this case, ms. grouch. if you're a grouch, you're only digging yourself a deeper hole into the grouchyland and it ain't a place where dreams come true ala the other place ruled by a mus musculus. it ain't pretty.

just keep smiling, just keep smiling :)

though you would really just want to go shove a shovel up their ass.

it ain't a retreat baby, no siree.

i came home today feeling extremely guilty about having toasted twister, cheesy wedges and pepsi for dinner that i immediately put on my running shoes, popped in a dvd and hopped/not exactly more like grudgingly walked my way to the treadmill.

first of all, this is very unnatural character or behaviour on my part because i NEVER apologize for having me some cheesy wedges or the occasional pepsi/not the diet kind please, the regular 7 tablespoons of sugar thanks. so what brought on this guilt trip?

because it's true. i'm putting on the fat suit and it ain't pretty. don't tell me otherwise cause that will just land you a slap in your ass. as i sat eating that toasted twister, my mind began envisioning the fats and calories my body is piling and just sitting idly there :( not the vision you want to see when enjoying a piece of cheesy wedges. FTS i'm turning into those people that watch out for what they eat. i can't do that. i've always prided myself in being able to resist the pressure of watching what i eat and just eat what i want cause life is too short. one thing i know for sure and is my mission to accomplish is to get in shape. that is my life motto for now. say goodbye to unhealthy food and bring on the steamed vegetables and proteins and even special k diet/the kellogs cereal that promises me that i'll lose a jeans size in 2 weeks :D i'm pulling out all the stops now till i get my desired target. despite it being cookies season now, i will prevail and go against the odds/rawrrr.

one thing i realize now that i have a tv to take my attention away from the running is that it makes it that much/to be honest la ok, only slighly easier. but hey, i'll take slightly easier any other day! at least now i don't do the 5 minute countdown, countingdown every 5 minutes till i finish. but man, i feel damn good after the run cause that means i'm o.oooo1 step into getting into shape :))))

so to inaugurate my run today, i put on couple's retreat.




one word:

SERIOUSLY?!

i don't know what the people behind this movie were thinking/heck even the people in the poster! to make a movie like this is to just point and jeer at audiences because it seriously felt like they were testing our patience and intelligence by producing such a piece of crap. i would have understood and heck even appreciated it more if it had drunkenly shameless sex addicted college kids in the movie instead of vince vaughn or kirsten bell or even kristin davis/charlotte from sex and the city, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING INVOLVING YOURSELF IN THIS CRAP THEY TRY TO CALL A MOVIE?!

i don't even know why they bother in the first place. the jokes are so damn funny i laughed on the inside. the plot/storyline so predictable i can write, produce, direct and act it with my eyes closed and hands tied behind my back with my ass strapped on a cactus O___0 i am making claims like these because really that's what the movie made me feel.

i ain't saying it's easy to film, direct, produce, act but really, why even make THIS movie?! what are they trying to sell? couples need to go on a terrible vacation in order to realize that they love each other?! honey, have you heard of couple's therapy?! or even COMMUNICATION! cause they basically did all of that AFTER making US go through inappropriate yoga poses and old, overweight men guitar hero-ing and flirting with younger women and making ass jokes regarding relationships. what the crap. gimme my money back.

the only positive outcome of watching this piece of fiction is that i am now 200plus calories lesser :D and i have a way positive outlook on life, mainly because i'm not involved in any way of the making of the movie, which really, is a cause of celebration, don't you think?

it's the year of the tiger, RAWR

chinese new year is next week!

unbelievable. a month ago, we were celebrating the new year. and now, it's the festive season! the malls are all adorned with red lanterns and angpow packets and those flowers that you only see during this season and the music is all 'tung-tung-TUNG-CHANG' which IMHO really sets the mood for the season :)

gotta love this celebration! where else can you eat excessively without feeling guilty and buy new clothes/ok not so this one cause we buy new clothes every other days anyways so this doesn't count but you know what i mean and also get red packets aka ang pow. seriously, a festive season where we makan makan and get $$$ at the same time! best days in the calendar besides xmas and birthdays!

i especially love that all the cookies are out in those plastic with red covered containers are all over the place. that's one of the indications that chinese new year is coming soon :D and the yee sang! ZOMG THE YEE SANG! i used to hate that and only ate the crackers that they sprinkled on top! but now, i look forward to eating yee sang every time chinese new years is around the corner like how people wait for mcd's prosperity burger around the same time. i had my first prosperity burger this year by the way. love the curly fries! not so much the burger. gimme my double cheeseburger or spicy chicken mcdeluxe any day man. slurp!

i may show my disdain when they tell me we'll be balik-ing kampung but really i am secretly super excited about it! despite me complaining about the horrid weather/super duper hot i actually love it especially eating the home cooked food my grandmother makes and the chicken! ZOMG the pak cham kai! fresh kampung chicken make my mouth drools. i think i just made myself sound very unattractive but i don't care. when it comes to food, no two ways about it.

but really i love the festive feeling chinese new year brings. the dinners, the visitings, the gathering of families. joy!

i hope the year of the tiger will be a good one for me :)

and you :D

for your entertainment

when i was working in the states, the only language problem i encountered was Spanish.

here, i cower in fear when people start speaking in mandarin. i can only say a few basics and that's it. heck even 1-10 in mandarin is tough for me. i have to mentally count from 1-10 all the time especially to tell the difference between 6 and 9. don't ask why but it's difficult +___+

so as part of my new year's resolution, i am picking up mandarin :) and since then i am slowly practicing the language. hopefully by the end i'll be able to carry a conversation but that seems a little too far fetched. i shall persevere and come out triumphant ROARRRR >:D wahh check out my smiley!

i wonder if i can count 1-10 in spanish/mentally counts.

can can :D wahh not bad not bad. still got me some skillz wtf. maybe not in order laa but i can definitely count from 1-5. RESPEK.

it's not easy learning mandarin. the proper way too! being malaysian, the mandarin here is damn rojak. try speaking it the proper way. pffft. make your momma cry, i say! but after every lesson, my confidence level in speaking is 0.1% increasing.

positive growth ok.

i remember trying to learn some basic spanish. wahsehh, not easy ok. i do still know how to say 'one for 15, two for 20'. oh the memories! lots of finger pointing and hand signs but eventually the message got across though it took a lot of time! for mandarin, i kinda have to guess what they are saying after catching one or two words that i know in that whole lotta sentences +___+ and most times, i don't necessarily answer their question.

i try.

so now, i aim to widen my mandarin vocab by watching and listening to more taiwanese dramas/songs!

recommend me shows to watch and songs to listen to :) help me not make a fool of myself in the future. nothing jay chou please. according to my friend, even the chinese educated can't understand what he's saying in his songs +___+

i actually find that hilarious! nothing against him. i do think he is very yeng/thumbs up x 2

ehh, i just remembered i watched princess & the frog last night. FINALLY!



i guess everyone was right. it was alright. good but not great. i kinda expected more. more epic songs and epic love but not so epic. mediocre. i do love the songs though. very jazzy. makes me wanna go to new orleans :) there, it shall be on my list of places to visit. the funny sidekick was not so funny and the villain not so villain-y. the prince and the princess, 3/4 of the ENTIRE film in frog form. not very attractive but then again i like lion king so who am i to judge.





although lions do look better than frogs. i digress.

i thought there were alot of plot holes in the film and felt that they just made the film for the sake of making a princess film. one that uses the traditional/classical hand-drawn form to boot!

if i'm not wrong the last classic princess film was...

/scratch head.

all hail wikipedia cause according to their list, mulan was the last princess. an asian princess! REPRESENT!



anyone remember the part where wushu said he wasn't a lizard? i remember laughing so hard at that i peed in my pants.

Mulan: My ancestors sent a little lizard to help me?
Mushu: Hey! Dragon. *Dragon*, not lizard. I don't do that tongue thing.

he's a dragon and no i didn't pee in my pants, you beetch.

the hooha surrounding the princess & the frog was that tiana didn't have enough of a screen time to be fully called the first african-american princess. she did only become a princess in the last 5 minutes of the film but hey, who needs a fictional princess when you have beyonce to represent. damnson, that girl can do no wrong!

i just came to realize that disney makes falling in love seem so easy! no wonder my view is skewered and unrealistic, sorta but whatever, i hold on to hope that i too shall be a disney princess one day with the right dress and makeup. it's always the DRESS! think belle in beauty and the beast and ariel in the little mermaid and aurora in the sleeping beauty. pfft. see how little girls should not watch disney princesses? all this carries on till you're in your twenties :/ and will live forevermore in our minds.









see! proof!

/wails.

no wonder some girls want a big, poofy, white dress to wear on their wedding.

it's all disney's fault.

zip your lip with a padlock

one of my ny resolution is to not give a damn what people think. i can't go around pleasing every single soul out there and let myself be the one bearing the burden of it all. at the end of the day, i'm the one who gets hit with the shit at the end of the fan.

do you feel on somedays where things are just fine and you have nothing to be worried about or nothing to be sulky about because things are moving along perfectly but somehow at the end of the day you just feel restless or incomplete or unsatisfied or just plain blah? i don't know how to put into words what i'm trying to say but let's just say you start thinking about the past, present and future and you see and feel is bleakness and emptiness. can you imagine that? that sorta feeling of nothingness that just brings a heavy burden to your heart. as if you can feel your heart being weighed down but you can't pinpoint what's weighing it down.

i'm having one of those moments where i just want to cry. not for any particular reason but just to release whatever that's pent up inside though what i'm keeping inside, i have no real idea. all i know is that i have some thing to release from the inside and the only outlet i feel where i can let it all out is by crying. hard core sobbing too! i remember reading somewhere that crying show's that you are alive, not sissy/coward or something along those lines. maybe that's what i need. to know that i'm ALIVE.

stuck in a rut. that's it. i think i'm crying because i feel like i'm stuck in a rut. like my life is going nowhere. it's the pressure from life itself. from the structure that we have all somehow agreed upon in the contract of life and how it should progress. the perfect system that i want to breakfree from yet feel so lost and alone when i'm one step out of the system. the window to the other side promises me something stable and safe. something i will willingly go through because everyone is doing it. that's what will make my life better somehow. but i don't want to. at least i think i don't want to. only God knows what i want because right now, i don't know. i'm really upset. i wish i can talk about this nothingness. so intangible. nothing to grasp on. so out there yet so in here. so vague yet so familiar. how would i even begin describing it?

maybe i'm just hungry and i'm trying to distract my mind from the hunger by conjuring up crazy shit about nothingness and emptiness.

i'm blaming my hunger for this post. i don't even know what i'm trying to say :/ maybe in the morning i will.

after breakfast wtf.

BRAID, the musical

twenty plus years and never have i.

never have i done such drastic change.

change that fortunately has been pretty good.

good that i think to myself, why hadn't i done this earlier?

earlier like right after secondary school and that mass exam the gov makes us take, making us believe that life and death depended on this very exam but i digress. earlier like how my peers all started to transform.

transform gradually, first the length then the colours then the styles.

styles that i can only admire from afar/because i was too cowardly to do anything about mine.

afar no more. after twenty plus years, i can proudly/maybe not, depends on which side of the coin you're looking at. i can now say that i no longer have virgin hair/never been touched hair.

hair has now been styled differently from the one that i have been born with. genetically given. God given. i have gone against my own belief and done the most drastic thing i can ever do to myself unless i go get piercings in various parts of my body or get a tattoo which i doubt i will ever do, this will have to be the most DRASTIC thing i can do :/

friends have told me that they love how straight and shiny my hair is.

now i have none of those :(

which makes me quite sad but damn i'm loving this new do! twenty plus years and finally a change! waited too long for this. WAYYY too long.

kravings

i had dimsum for breakfast. i wanted egg tarts but they didn't have them so i had to wait.

i kept turning my head towards the direction of the kitchen hoping, anticipating for that plate of egggy goodness stuffed in a pastry puff but it never came.

till the end of the meal did i see my egg tarts. loads of them too. FML. i was too full and mad to bother.

so now i'm left craving for egg tarts at 2am +_____+

boys over flowers

i'm gonna be shameless and let you in on what i'm obsessing over now :O



i'm currently on episode 22. there are a total of 25 episodes. and right now, i am kinda slowing down cause i don't want it to end +____+ what am i gonna do after watching finish the show?!

oh right, buy myself a social life that's what.

honestly, i wouldn't have watched it if my mother did not tell me about it. she was gushing to me about how the guys were prettier than the girls :O damn straight! so many pretty boys in one show, how can i not watch? now i have the impression that korean guys are all prettier than the girls but then i think again how can that be when korean girls are all damn pretty too +__+ honestly, korean's are a pretty lot full stop. with or without plastic surgery. okay let's not go there laa. we all know how big that industry is over there.

if you've watched the taiwanese version, meteor garden, then you'll know that this has the same storyline. i watched the taiwanese version and fell in love with F4, the boyband as well as the fictional characters. i know there's a japanese version of it as well and if i'm hardworking enough i might just try and get my hands on it too but then again i think it has been fairly established that i'm not as hardworking as i would like to think i am.


meteor garden


japanese version with the same title

thanks to pui yan, i have the (almost) complete episodes! every night i look forward to watching one episode. seriously, that's the highlight of my day. to go home and watch one episode! and if i cannot control, i will watch 2 episodes in one night. i have to limit myself because one episode takes up one hour of my life. not 42 minutes like one tree hill or glee. 60 minutes okay, don't play play with me. i have to literally time myself when watching at night. if not i will get the sounding of my life for waking up at 12pm +_____+

what to do? my life literally revolves around this right now. until i watch finish and move on to the next show.

how i met your mother season 2 to season 5 :DD



and the cycle begins.

again.

teeheehee :D

there's a bee stuck in the blinds

i woke up to the sound of buzzing.

bzzz bzzz BZZZ...

at first i thought it was a fly zooming around my room. i was still too asleep to really bother with the sound till i couldn't sleep sleep cause the sound was so bloody annoying at 7 in the morning. so i got up and listened, trying to find the source. what i found did not prepare me, especially at such an early hour in the morning!

if it were a dragonfly, i don't think i would have been that scared but it was a bee. a BEE! as in the one that makes honey and stings when provoked! immediately i got goosebumps all over. i would have screamed bloody murder right then and there when i saw it stuck in between the blinds and closed window but i had a sore throat and i didnt want to strain my already strained throat. so i did the next best thing; grabbed the shieldtox next to my bed and sprayed at the bee like my life depended on it. all the while doing it, the sound of the buzzing and the sight of it gave me the geli-ness i cannot tahan. ask me what sound i hate and the sound of a bee buzzing will be right on the top.

the bee was already disoriented as it is probably being stuck in between the blinds and closed window for too long so i waited till it was far from the latch before i bravely stuck my hands through the blinds and opened the window so the bee could fly OUT!

traumatic morning. really. i wouldn't wish it on anyone else. imagine finding a bee in your room at 7 in the morning!

the thing that puzzles me is, how did the bee get into my room in the first place? and how the hell did it get stuck between the blinds and window? can a bee fly so high in the first place?

honestly, i don't think i want to know. at least i got a really interesting dream from it. or not. was it before the bee or after the bee that i had the dream? doesn't matter. random dream but totally awesome.

like i said, 2010 is gonna be a great year.

far and wide

now i know why people take 2 to 3 months or even more to travel europe. a train ride just to the south of france from paris already takes 21 hours (i might be mistaken but that's the average time period of traveling) heck, even to the next neighbouring country can take 3 days wtf!

here i am only allocating a month! looks like i won't be seeing all of europe after all. so ambitious! but then again, at least i'm going to places i really really want to visit like france and turkey! omg i getting exciteds now :DD

i was pretty pissed that i missed the MAS promo. AGAIN! second time i missed it. now i'm relying on the upcoming MATTA fair or hopefully another MAS promo they love to throw out in the hopes of competing with airasia. keep them coming, i say!

furthermore, i have people coming at me asking me to go to melbourne and another telling me to go to japan! wahh, i living the life of the rich and femes wtf cause apparently money grows on trees and picking season is in may wtf. if only, people, if only. but i shall work hard and find me some additional work to do to support my rich and femes lifestyle otherwise i will sleep on the streets and search through garbage cans for that piece of french fry! or GASP eat frozen sausages cos that's the cheaper alternative!

cannot cannot.

GMH

epic fail.

obviously my previous post of posting the video failed. but i'm gonna leave it there so that you can click on the link and go watch the awesome video. plus there's many others just like it.

greatness cos the love stories are all REAL. none of those fantasy wishy washy stuff that only happens in the reel world.

sigh, gives me hope.

i knew there's a reason why i love bubble tea!

Pat & Ley Cinematic Prewedding Film "Bubble Tea" from Paper Cranes Productions on Vimeo.

Pat & Ley Cinematic Wedding Trailer from Paper Cranes Productions on Vimeo.

if this doesn't make you cry, i don't know what will.

gives me hope.

one foot in the door, the other in the window

it's day 3 of the new year. at the rate i'm going, i might be blogging everyday. consistently/hopefully. at the stroke of midnight too. but whatevs, so long as you have something to read, everyday and i have something to write, everyday.

i met an old friend today. she looked well. we exchanged a few pleasantries and then she left. before this, when we were young kids, we were so close we were inseparable. we did many things together. we went over to each others house every week. i knew her family and she knew my family. this probably went on for about 2-3 years. and then, i can't remember when but we saw less and less of each other till we never saw. maybe we were growing apart. maybe we were just not into the same things anymore. after all, nobody is ever the same. people change. and maybe that was just it, we changed. now, i barely know this person anymore. sure, she looks the same. but underneath that, below the surface is a stranger. i do wish things didn't turn out the way it did. who knows, we could still be the best of friends. but seeing as how things have turned out, it doesn't seem like we can really really reclaim what we had last time. they are now memories, stored in a shoe box placed in the hidden corners of my darkening past. it's becoming harder to find that box and the contents are fading leaving blurred images and traces of shadows, of fading ink on paper, a love letter of sorts to the lives and times of the good and the bad.

it is rather unfortunate that the people we meet in our lifetime don't necessarily stay with us throughout our life span. i'm sure i had a best friend in kindergarten and i'm positively sure i had great friends in my primary years but things happen and circumstances lead to separation. one thing was and is for sure. throughout my lifetime, i was NEVER alone. i always had friends around me. close friends at various times of my life. and till this very day, i still do.

i guess friends are like treasures. once you have them, you gotta keep them safe and locked up in a place where you'll never lose them. because once you lose them, they will be forever lost. friends need to be cherished. sure, they can be annoying and irritating and be total idiots at one point of time or another but hey, if they're annoying to you, you're annoying to them too. it's a mutual relationship. no hierarchy. no kings and queens.

with facebook, lost friends are easily found. but like every lost things, you lose a certain attachment to them. you suddenly feel you gotta make a huge effort to say hello on their facebook wall and then when they say hello in reply, you stop there not because you're rude but because suddenly, what once felt so effortless now takes brain space, space you don't necessarily have to spare, effort you don't really wanna take. because you start to think, what's the point? you're probably not gonna see this person in the flesh. ever. and you don't have the time anyways cause as it is, you don't even have the time to meet the friends that you do actually have. so why even bother? a hello on the facebook wall tells the other person that you acknowledge their presence. the presence they once had in your life and the ones you will have virtually/birthday wish on the wall every year. maybe a few light conversations and that will be the end of it fullstop

but then, there is always an exception or maybe THIS is the exception/whatever rocks your boat. i could be wrong and maybe i'll meet an old friend and when we meet unexpectedly, we'll immediately fall back into our old rhythm and it will be as if we never parted. yes, there is that exception.

there definitely is.

so treasure the friends you have and the ones you'll meet. don't let them be strangers after having an established relationship. from being strangers to friends to becoming strangers again, is really the most unfortunate thing that can and will happen. and maybe that's the way life is and that's the way we learn and grow but after all that is said and done, i take comfort in the fact that i had friends and will continue having them. they were part of my growing years and that i cannot take away. despite being locked up in an old shoe box with dust and many years eating away at the corners of the cover and the colours and words fading an old photograph, at least i know that it was there. that it was real and that it existed like the dinosaurs and the cavemens and the emperors and pharaohs and the men of sparta.

the history channel, ch. 555

gimme the lights, camera and action

the guys from wongfu productions inspire me to start fiddling with my camera. what say you if i started vlogging/videologging?

imma be a hit sensation and have a huge following and be a celebrity and write adverts to pay my bills.

not.

i detests those forms of advertising. and yet i'm interested in stepping into that industry. go figure. but for realz, i don't like to read adverts on "popular" blog sites. sure, i do read them "popular" blogs. define the term "popular". i don't know these people yet i find a fascination with their lives. voyeurism? perhaps. sell out? pays the bills apparently. well, the world does revolve around money so any chance you get, you take. doesn't mean i havta like it.

there are only a handful of blogs that i read. i used to have a bookmark on all the blogs i read but when my comp crashed, so did the lists of bookmarks. now, all i do is type in the first alphabet of the blog and click from there. there are times i don't remember who to read and there are times where i go on a clicking frenzy. reading random people's blogs. the space in my memory is very limited. so limited that when i'm reading through a blog and when i think of a blog i want to read next that by the time i think and the time i take to aim my mouse on the search bar to type in the blog add, i forget which blog it was that i decided to go to next. then i'll spend the next 5 minute wrecking my brain trying to remember where i chose to go. it happens ALL the time.

and it has spread-ed to the shower as well. one minute i'm pumping the soap bottle, the next i'm rinsing it off and the next thing i know, i'm thinking to myself, have i used soap?

is there a lack of a certain nutrient in my system or am i just getting old and suffering from memory loss? i shudder at the thought of the latter. inevitable sure but doesn't mean i'm liking it and welcoming it with arms wide open/creed.

so what was i saying before this?

oh right. wongfu productions inspire me. doesn't hurt at all that philip wang is so damn HOT. i could marry him right now and make cute asian babies. i just remembered i had a really weird dream last night. one which involved truckloads of bloggers. damn weird and extremely freaky at one point when there were some things going on which shall not be mentioned here for fear of it actually happening. touch wood wtf.

i hope to meet you someday, mr. wang. so that i can be mrs. wang.

the only reason i am saying this is because i know that fantasy won't be able to catch up with reality.

or can it?

/dum dum duuuuum

if it does, i will delete this post.

btw, i like wes too.

what is this? a convenience store wtf?

ps: it's 2nd jan 10. post-new year.

the other side

hello 2010.

goodbye 2009. you've been awesome.

here's to many more awesomeness for the year 2010 and maybe a little more direction and purpose for me.

hello hello, twothousand&ten or is it twentyten? either ways, hello hello. your arrival has been anticipated and now that it's here, let it be a better one than the previous year in every aspect imaginable.