how do you know?

"i believe that our first love is the truest love of all" - yasmin ahmad

i wouldn't know if the above quote is true or not because i don't have the experience of a first love to back me up but i would love to think that the above quote is true. first love is the time where you put yourself out there for the first time. the first time you let yourself be vulnerable. the first time you experience pain and heartache. the first time you experience a great joy you never knew you could feel. the first of maybe every possible emotions and feelings you're bound to feel when experiencing a first love. the first time you let yourself love another without hiding any part of you because you want to share every single detail and part of yourself with this one special person.

i want this. i want to experience this wonderful feeling people make movies about and people sing about and people write about.

do i want to risk getting hurt if it doesn't work out? do i want to risk feeling that love is the most over-rated feeling in the world? do i want to risk never loving anyone else again if the first love doesn't work out the way i wanted and expected it to?

yes. cause life is too short.

what about perfect timing? the right time to let yourself be at your most vulnerable? there is no such thing as a right time. every minute of your life is ticking by.

"this is your life and it's ending one minute at a time." - the narrator, fight club

dis.con. n sl-win dwn

effin' pissed with my connection. i thought i could finally watch the latest episode of vamp diaries but no. false hope. and my second attempt at dressing up in looklet.com failed because of the bloody connection >:(

geramnya.

i think the days incident has given me a wake up a call. i think i can finally be distorted in my flow of thoughts and writing. i hope i did it right this time.

plan b.

look ma'!

literally smitchterally blahh

if i had to choose, today probably tops the list of one of the worst days ever. so much for leaving with a bang. everything seems to be falling apart. is this a sign of what my future is going to be like?

or more of me realizing i cannot do everything and that i'm no super(wo)man. that i cant be good at everything. that i too have a weakness and it's in the form of wrtthreefourtwotwo. if anything, i can be sure of this, it can and will be the death of me.

unless of course i buckle up and write the randomest shyt ever.

dont be literal. rule of thumb.

dis.con.nec.t myself with my train of thoughts. let the words go. let them roam free of their own accord. let them do the talking and shouting and screaming. just dont mean what you say. literally. make yourself less understandable and more ambiguous.

that's the way it moves.

the way it shakes.

the way it flicks.

that's the way i should be.

so, if i had to choose, today definitely tops the list of worst days.

ever.

and no. kanye can't interrupt this.

i spy with my eyes that this blogger...

is not a happy camper. i have 2 major assignments left in the final weeks of my semester and i cannot wait for it to come to an end!

an end for good! *fingers crossed*

the only joy i have in my life right now is:

the big bang theory

hands down the bestest most hilarious show EVER!

the vampire diaries

my latest guilty pleasure!

i finished watching true blood and according to a pretty credible source, the new season will only begin in june 2010! another year ohmaigad! so i have stefan and damon to fulfill my weekly eye dose of guilty pleasure.

i wanna watch (500) days of summer. doesn't help that every review i read screams greatest flick of the year!

i like potatoes

today was probably the first in weeks where i got to plonk myself on the couch and channel surf. the feeling was euphoric wtf. looking forward to doing so after finals wtfwtf. i am so ambitious!

till death do us part

i just came back from a relative's wedding dinner. haven't been to a wedding dinner in quite some time. this was one was a refreshing change from the usual ones i've been to. there was a speech given by the maid of honour and father of the bride as well as a speech by the bride&groom themselves. they did dwell a little about their courtship and i thought it was really sweet. at least we know a little about how they got to where they are today.

"darling, you are the love of my life"

then there was the customary yam seng and i have to say, it was amusing to see the angmoh do it!

i have dreamt about my wedding when i was young and i have to say, my plans then and now have changed. but who knows when that will happen or if it'll ever happen. there was a time i was itching to get into a relationship so that i can move on with my life according to how the discourse is today but then i've come to realize that i don't have to path my life according to the discourse. i can break free. but then again, structuralism will tell me that i'm in fact not breaking free and doing it my own way yada yada yada. depressing stuff, i know.

the entrance was reminiscent of that youtube video where the bridesmaids and groomsmen danced their way in. i absolutely loved that entrance and thought it was ingenious! take that and transfer it here, epic fail. they weren't really into it. they were moving parts of their bodies i.e. hands clapping to the beat of the song and twirling and turning but they weren't really INTO it. if you're gonna do something novel as to dance your way in, do it with pizazz and oomph! go all out then it'll be a hit. i just thought that they could have done so much better. the bride was really into it though, that's for sure. and i guess our culture is not used to this sort of entrance, everyone didn't really know how to react cos when the bride&groom reached their table there was a 2 second, maybe more, awkward moment of silence. the emcee had to remind everyone to clap. i felt for the bride. very awkward indeed. looks like the older generation have to catch up with the young ones.

i want a crazy ass entrance too!

i think weddings should be a celebration and hence a party like atmosphere with close and intimate family and friends should be the way to go! why would i want to celebrate this one special occasion in my life with distant relatives whose names i do not know and who doesn't really know me. y'know why? to please our parents that's why.

wedding dinners are fun. sometimes i like to be all cynical and sometimes i like all the romance behind it all and hope one day for my fairytale wedding. sighh...like some 5 year old kid all over again.

now, i look forward to attending weddings of people that i know i.e. friends!

my dear friends, go get yourselves hitched. it's our generation now ;P

i think i should know

watched fight club today. i love that film. didn't realize how long it was. it was long. worth your money i reckon. i think this was the film that introduced me to edward norton. not brad pitt, though i think he looks way better in that film. i never really got on the bandwagon about how hot and whatever pitt was though i think he makes pretty babies with angelina.

ever since eating the cupcake marina bought yesterday, i have been craving them. so i bought myself two today and happily gobbled them after dinner which makes me sound like a pig but nevermind. pig ma pig lorrr...don't judge me. i think reading kim kardashian's tweet about famous cupcakes also contributed to the cupcake craving. the word cupcake is dancing all over in my mind now. make it stop. please. if i eat anymore i will look like one and we don't want that now, do we?

i am happy happy right now cos i have completed my checklist for today. sucha good feeling! bask in my glory, people!

bask in it!

and they all fall down

ever felt like everything in your head is a jumbled mess and as you try to pick the pieces, you realize you're in deeper shit than you thought you were.

yeah.

that's what it is.

i have so much on my mind it's difficult to pinpoint exactly what it is that is bothering me more. the fact that i have so much work still to do or the fact that everything i've been working so hard for is quickly coming to end.

there's too much on my mind and very very little time.

pina colada & jalapenos

i am delighted that i have at least completed one of my assignments in record time. okay, maybe not completely completed. partially, yes but still. the writing part is done so i'm very proud of that :) after yesterdays depressing-ness, today i have to say was a good day! so i'm happy happy.

and i spent way more than i should on food. more than i spend on days when i'm having class. i suppose when hunger strikes, hunger strikes!

i was just watching gossip girl and i've come to realize that everything on it is so dramatized and unrealistic yet so delicious. to be honest, i remember watching it and hating almost everyone on the show cause they got on my nerves so bad. yet, i still continued on watching because i wanted to know how it ends. not to say that i absolutely love the show for the storyline or its characterizations. i love that the show is my 4o minutes of guilty pleasure. of experiencing new york the way i wished i could experience it. of experiencing the different fashion styles the way i wish i could. it's my window to a world of fabulous-ness.

because really, other than that, there's nothing much i can talk about besides how totally cute blair and chuck look together whenever they appear. really, we can't be talking about how great it is that nate is finally dating so and so because 2 episodes later, they're gonna break up like they're on new york fashion week picking their favourite designer. we also can't possibly talk about how great that serena is constantly screwing her life up or how jenny who is greater than thou is trying to demolish the hierarchy oh great blair built and will finally succeed this time because really that's be done numerous times too. and dan, pffft, possibly the ultimate player in the mix who started out so well. totally giving nate a run for his money.

yawn.

yet, i still go back to that show weekly. the power of pretty people dressed up in pretty clothing.

why am i talking about this? right, because i was watching it halfway when they tell me my time limit is up! geramnya.

/end of rant.

you must be wondering why pina colada & jalapenos for a title?

pina colada because marina was playing her songs and this was one of them. old school classical cool, yo! belinda had this to say, 'is there anyone in here who isn't dead?' HAHAHA x infinity wtf

and jalapenos because they were trying out various ways of pronouncing it. exciting times in store whenever the 3 of us are together :)

makes you want to be my friend, eh?

history lesson 101

in my almost 3 years of undergraduate studies, i have NEVER asked for an extension. EVER! i take pride in the fact that i can complete my work by the dateline. i was going to step out of uni proclaiming that i never had handed up my assignment late or asked for an extension.

today is a historical day.

today, i broke that very thing which made me who i am today. the one thing i could be proud of. the thing i could boast and gloat about. the very thing which is the essence of my entire undergraduate years, is now unattainable. i have been dethroned. and i doubt anyone can take my place because my other partner in crime, marina has also been dethroned. we are now just like everybody else.

no more gloating. no more boasting.

today marks a black spot in my cleanclean slate. i shall go cry in a corner right now.

today, i also realized that only a lecturer can make your heart beat so fast it will make your entire body vibrate, palms sweat, face turn pale, start pulling your hair and make stab-me-in-the-heart gestures and go down on your knees screaming 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!' and beg to be killed right now so that the misery can end.

yes. today is a historical day indeed.

i even had my suicidal mode on. optimism just flew out the window and in came pessimism to rescue the day. fun stuff the things you learn in university.

what you say

after 3 days of bliss, i come home with an upset stomach, body ache and internal body heatyness so panas it will make your water boil. now i know why some people say they need a holiday to recover from their holiday.

i'm feeling better now, thanks for asking.

i think the mid-sem break went by too fast but don't they always? i'd like to think i spent it pretty well :)

if anything, it was especially "educational" for me, as the rest can attest to. sudah boleh kahwin dah wtf. a crash course in life lessons.

right now, i shall bask in the final hours of my mid-sem break. honestly, the coming weeks will probably be the craziest weeks. i iz sked now. presentations, major projects, major essay and final exam. phwoarrr...believe you me when i say i cannot wait to finish and graduate.

during dinner, my dad made me cough and choke on my drink. i forgot what he said but it was hilarious. that tends to happen to me. alot.

nu die rek ti on

ch-ch-ch-check it out! wh-wh-wh-what's it all about!

something went wrong with my previous skin :( i miss that elephant already.

today marks the first day of raya and so i went to my friends place for lunch and storytelling. killer combination wtf.

and what stories i heard.

let's just say, i am way glad i live such a simple life with friends that don't give me no drama. sure, i may have my fair share of craziess when it comes to friends but really, what i go through seems infantile compared to what i've heard. really, you think you've left high school but you haven't.

the things i heard today made me say "omg, i never knew such words could come out of a person's mouth" to "this only happens on tv. oh wait, tv reflects reality anyways" among many others.

in the words of my dear friend, "i live a life truly blessed" and i thank God everyday for that.

friday. the busiest day of the week. yet fulfilling at the same time. especially when it comes to handing up assignments and then going home knowing that the weekend has started though it only starts after 6 but that's alright. you get what you get.

have a good looong weekend. we all deserve it :)

was going through an unopened file of songs i got from a friend and found some lovely gems that i have not heard in awhile.

i read 2 graphic novels. american born chinese and the curious case of benjamin button.

i'm still reading chuck palahniuk's haunted.

borrowed the kite runner.

watched beauty and the beast. epic love story there.

this is life, post-major assignment. very short term break but a break nevertheless. i shall savour it before the next round comes along.

absolutely love the song simple life by carolina liar.

i went dvd hunting with my dad yesterday. not the pirated ones. we went to speedy to look for grease because i absolutely LOVE that movie! it was my dad who introduced me to the world of grease lightning and saturday night fever.

i was also secretly looking for breakfast at tiffany's because i absolutely LOVE audrey hepburn and to my horrors, i've only ever seen her in that one film! blasphemy! so i wanted to reacquaint myself with her movie by buying breakfast at tiffany's and then moving on to her other films.

unfortunately, they have none of the movies we were looking for. seriously! classics like those and they don't have em'. another blasphemy!

so i began browsing around and pointed at all the old movies and asked my dad if he has watched them.

one of them i pointed at was gone with the wind. old school classical cool.

he did watch it. and he goes on to tell me how he and all his friends fell asleep watching it but the girls were all wide-eyed! haha. so my dad proceeded to get me the dvd so i can watch it :)



at the same time, i saw a audrey hepburn movie that i watched a lil' of called paris when it sizzles. i couldn't resist and got myself the dvd.




so now, i have two classics to watch :)

now, to get my hands on breakfast at tiffany's and grease!

the end of my hellish week! woots.

i can now breathe easy again. it may not be the end of the ends but at least this one particular hurdle down makes me breathe easier.

*inhale exhale*

i hate the part where i have to slave through countless websites looking for legitimate resources to use for my 2.5k word essay.

that's due friday.

and is worth 50% of my life, i mean grade.

doesn't help that i did nuts today. all i did was keep my bed warm. my bed probably has my body shape permanently sculpted into :/

this afternoon, i came home, plopped myself down in front of the TV, watched air force one (the one with harrison ford) and was prepared for a thrilling ride manatau i woke up to see jonas brothers wtf.

i fell asleep!

and now, i'm not sleepy. just came back from yc and now all i wanna do is stay out and do mindless things. but of course, i'm a girl. girls have restrictions. somehow, it feels like the nights belong to the other gender :( we're left with the sun and the opposite, with the moon. heh. my analogy chun or not wtfwtf.

nothing's good on radio now :(

i think i'll watch dollhouse before i sleep.

ooh..just thought i should say i'm having a good hair day right now! too bad i'm home now and it's 12.45am. or else i'll flaunt my hair around.

i'm listening to jordin sparks 'battlefield'.

why does love always feel like a battefield?

because i'm trying not to head-bang the wall i thought i should share with you this incident which happened a few weeks ago, as narrated by my friend, marina on my fb status.

We were all standing at the lift when Belinda uses her bottle to push the lift buttons to void 'germs' (H1n1 kind)Then on the return journey Nat forgot and used her finger to push the button and then said 'omgosh omgosh i touched it I touched it!' and promptly ran to Belinda and wiped her finger on belinda's shirt!

We nearly died laughing.

the things we do :D

i didn't skip my 9am class, in case you were curious/wondering/concerned. but i was late. heh. i blame it on the traffic although technically i woke up late but details like that don't really matter, right?

good news for the day, i'm finally starting to type new sentences for my proposal. i felt inspired in class when dr. s was talking about it. unfortunately, the inspiring talk evaporated on the way home wtf.

speaking of which, i dont know how they do it. puasa-ing, i mean. i had breakfast/lunch/brunch at 11am and was starving by 5pm! kowtow man! though a friend did mention that it was easier when its the ramadhan month simply because i guess. or maybe it's mind over matter.

is it me or does time flies? i think time has taken a first class on the now defunct concord. a zoom and a swish and we're now in the month of september. wake me up when september ends (green day, year forgotten wtf). it's week 7 already :S

ohh...did i mention i'm going to arthur's day :D excited-nya! my second concert in my entire existence. got a concert high! i think concerts are the shiznit!

right now, i'm doing way too many things at once. trying to multitask to the super max, trying to hit the maximum growth wtf.

which reminds me, thank goodness i ordered that mocha during dinner. i'm not sure if it's the caffeine working its magic on me or if it's just me feeling the stress of a looming due date ahead but i'm up and doing my work :D sigh, simple things like this and i'm easily satisfied. really, i'm not that hard to please lol.

really, imma bout to ram my head through a brick wall >:(

frustrated. beyond. words.

i think i have it in me to start but i'm just sitting duck here not giving two hoots about the damn proposal. just because i can.

and i'm even contemplating on skipping my 9am class. just because i can.

just. because.

sigh. i can't get no work done in my space. i need another space.

notice how i can throw all sorts of excuses out but cannot just focus on the task and just do it. my mind feels like its all over the place. i cant stop it from running all around. how ironic. this is exactly what writing experiments is all about and yet, the first assignment is not asking you to be experimental. it's so technical imma burst your balloon, kid!

i type out words then i delete them.

i type out words then i delete them.

somethings i wanna say, then i don't wanna say.

the ones i wanna say, i can't seem to put them down.

the ones i don't wanna say, flow out of me like a stream of river.

the words that actually matter most on the other hand seem to be stuck behind a brick wall.

hmph.

the cycle continues. life goes on.

we still breathe.

one week to finish up a 2000 word proposal.

i can do it.

i had a topic i wanted to blog about but for the love of hot chocolate, i can't remember what it is i wanted to blog about. sheesh.

today was a very bleh day. mornings need to be good in order for the rest of the day to be good as well.

nows, i'm looking forwards to the weekend.

some of my favourite songs come from blogs i stumble upon. if i don't blog hop, i might not have such a vast library on iTunes. and most of the songs i absolutely love come from em' blogs. the latest one is no exception.

dear miami by roisin murphy :)



i just love it.

another two i absolutely love right now are shakira's she wolf and beyonce's sweet dreams :)

a wise friend once told me that nobody pays for music anymore. and that is just sad. i used to buy albums after listening to just one song and then end up regretting it cos it was only that one song that was really worth listening to *allsaints come to mind coughcough* so now, i wanna go out and go buy me an album. the only problem is, whose album is worth buying? the last album i remember buying is casting crown's the altar and the door.

i'm gonna go on an album hunt!

i'm also itching to go watch talentime. the only thing is that it's showing in cinemas that are NOT near my place. and i don't have the time to go this week :( maybe i'll go on a sunday. anybody wanna teman? a couple more films i wanna watch are up :D :D and maybe district 9. movie marathon, yes?

oohh, today in class i watched hang jebat. who knew movies back then could be so entertaining today? i think movies made back then are just brilliant. the acting abit over. and the evil laugh, can you say 'whoahhhh' too much?! really over the top stuff. totally dramatizing yet totally entertaining.

and i don't get why hang tuah is such the hero when really, it should be hang jebat! he stood for what he believed in. if hang tuah obeyed the sultan, why didn't he go die in the first place instead of hiding out? pffft. coward that's what. fear of death that's what. yeah, sure, he may have been framed for committing a crime he didn't do but still...he goes on preaching how he obeys the sultan and is loyal to the sultan yada yada yada well, the sultan commanded for the death of you so why didnt you die,huh huh huh?! and then he comes back from the dead and is all kam-ching with the sultan again. hello! the sultan ordered for your death and here you are serving him again as if nothing happened whilst your brother, hang jebat fought for your justice.

sigh.

history.

the chapter isn't fully closed. i know. i lied. but it's not fully blown up on the big screen either. it's just there, a sliver of an opening. enough to keep me afloat. enough to let me know that there is hope. somewhere. hopefully sometime in this present time. there are days, when i all i want to do is let it out. and then there are days where i just want to wait. only time can tell. i've learned that i should not rush certain things. i should take it one day at a time.

||

i'm having that overwhelming sensation again. always happens during that time of the semester. the only thing getting me through this is prayers.

i might possibly need a hug too.

writing experiments might possibly be the death of me. of all my 2 1/2 years of undergrad studies, i don't think i've ever felt such a chill of fear ever. not even for authorship. i have no idea how to go about for my final assignment and i haven't even started on the first yet.

like the popular chinese saying goes; sei for (die lor)

how now brown cow?

i went to a concert for the first time in my entire life.

no, i don't consider the westlife showcase when i was 11/12?! *shyyyy wtf*

frickin' awesome, i say!

things seem to be in perspective now. i'm not gonna think too much about it anymore because honestly, i don't want to go through that anymore. if it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen. i don't know why it took me some time to figure it out. maybe cause when you're alone with your thoughts, things just don't go into perspective that easily. you tell yourself something but your mind goes on and on telling you otherwise. the most dangerous is probably your own thoughts.

i'm really glad we talked. you totally made me see the 'light' wtf.

i guess i'm like that. you tell me to my face that this is what it is, i will let it go. i won't harp on the issue anymore when the facts are all laid out. because, there's nothing i can do to change it. the only thing changeable is me.

but if one day, the situation or dynamics do change, then so be it. i'll cross it when it comes.

right now, i'm telling myself that the chapter is closed. sealed. although i told myself before it was closed, it re-opened again. i'm gonna remain stronger this time...

...and i feel good.

the weeks are starting to go by, signaling the waves of assignments +___+ *breaks into cold sweat wtf*

bittersweet. this also signals the last of my assignment days. eventually. time really flies. on concord some more wtf. otherwise how can i be here in my final semester? how can i be 21 and still so clueless about what i want?

then there is the so much to do so little time. so hard to please-kan.

i think i need to go out more. these four walls is eating me alive.

help.

after 2 days of not going to class, waking up at 7am was a drag.

have to say that my lecturer has a slide for every word he says. but it's all good.

and i watched spinning gasing in class today. i was pleasantly surprised. now all i need is to find out what happens in the end. it wasn't a typical malaysian film. i really liked the overall feel of the movie. yeah, some of the acting might seem forced and over the top and even unrealistic, do we even speak like that? but i thought it fitted well with the film. now, i'm hoping for our unmade malaysian film to be along those lines. very inspiring i say! and i think i've figured out how i want to approach my essay question. yay me.

lately, i've been feeling strong emotions again. emotions i thought i have kept nicely away. not having to feel them again maybe until later. but no. a few months have gone by and they are surfacing again. i know that through Him, i can overcome anything for

I am the branch and you are the vines
if a man remains me and I in him
he will bear much fruit
apart from me you are nothing
-John 15:5

Lying Days, lost and insecure you found me, never floor by the early corner. You found me long, lost and insecure. Found insecurity and you lost me.. You lost insecurity and find me. Lost insecurity. Find me. You found insecurity. And lost me, insecurity you found. And lost me find the insecurity and lost me. The insecurity is lost. Find me lost The Cigarette Letters and insecure The End Letters. You loved me. Save and secured, you liked me. Lost and found, morning telephones, you have me gone. And came. Surrounded Wait, you need me maybe? And could have been you forever. Wanting and longing it was you, Heart beating pumping I want you, to be near you is all I ask, breathing you in, taking you in, finding strength within, letting you in, smoking the messages. I’m not lost when you’re near, I’m not insecure with you here. The city’s end sent to lay.

where's the beginning, the middle and the end?

welcome to my life in experiments.

i enjoyed every minute and every second. so please stay.

i took a nap and had a vivid and really weird and freaky dream. i think it had something to do with me reading something in the news and the words that stood out started to creep into my dreams creating this dream that was just really really odd and weird and scary. it felt so real and yet also felt like i was watching a movie with me starring in it.

i woke up from my nap feeling more tired than i was before taking the nap :/
it felt as though i was really physically doing the things i was in the dream.

i don't want to go into the details not because i can't remember what i dreamt about. ok laa, i don't really remember the details but then...forget it la. just know that i had a weird dream. it was like the end of the world kinda thing. ok. end.

'lost and insecure
you found me'

that's my word/phrase for the task at hand.
writing experiments is...interesting. i don't have to churn out a narrative but that doesn't mean it's any easier. looking forward to honing my writing skills.

and my other class requires me to write a project diary, detailing the trials and tribulations of how to handle group work and conceptualizing a short film/feature film and coming up with a storyboard.

another class rewards me marks for setting up a twitter, delicious , flickr and youtube account.

and finally, i have this one class where i watch movies and then throw all sorts of theories at it.

this is it, my final semester. the final leg of the pre-race. once this is over, the race will finally begin.

this is it.

feeling contented with life right now. the wheels are moving smoothly and i'm just feeling good about life now :)

i have all i need, right here, right now.

and,

never say NEVER!

LOL :)

first week of a brand new semester just went by. by the looks of things, this semester will fly by and before i know it, i'll be graduating and thrust into the dog-eat-dog world of the working world. joy.

yet, before my 13 weeks go by in a flash, i'm still in a dilemma. there is this one subject which i'm taking which i'm not really sure of. whether i should continue with it or drop it and take something else. what to do what to do?

sigh.

after overloading last sem, this sem seems freer somehow. maybe because looking at my timetable, i don't see 5 lecture slots and 5 tutorials slots. trust me, you might think adding an additional subject may not look like alot but it IS. very exhausting. which is why i'm planning to enjoy my last sem. the very last sem of my undergraduate years. whoa. it feels surreal saying it. i don't think it has actually sunk in yet.

yet, i'm not phased by it. i don't feel any fears of what's gonna happen in the future. i know that through Him i can do everything :) i'll take it one step at a time (jordin sparks, date unknown wtf)

ohh..if all goes well today, i might just end up with a very nice piece of canggihness *fingers crossed*

i just finished watching ugly betty and omg i want her job and her boyfriend.

9 days away

9 days in jogja and i am finally back in the confines of my home. the familiar. the comforts of home. the place where i can sleep on a comfortable bed and wake up to a hot shower.

9 days.

first night there i was petrified. the room's cleanliness and hygiene were questionable. walls were peeling, screaming for a fresh new coat of paint. the ceiling reminded me of the japanese horror film, water. patches of water marks scattered around the ceiling. thankfully the room was dark enough to hide the flaws in the morning otherwise, i would think i was staring in my very own horror film. the one blanket provided, had to be shared by two was utterly horrific yet i couldn't not use it. i needed it. the nights were freezing cold despite there being no ac to cool the room. we only had the fan and the cooling jogja night weather. the blanket had a funny smell and made my legs itch because of the vast amount of bulu popping out of it. yet, i still couldn't not sleep without it. even the pillow made me shudder just thinking of laying my head on it. i can only the god's that be who created hoodies. and don't get me started with the toilet. green tiles, seriously? vomit inducing and absolutely gross. especially with that particular shade of green. the only thing i can be thankful for is the working flush. otherwise, god knows what we'll do when a dump needs to be made. hot shower? think again. more like a pail and a tub of freezing cold water, my grandmother's house style. imagine having to bathe early in the morning in such conditions. no wonder many of us had the slight case of the sniffles. or maybe it was just me. that's not all. we even found a huge ass insect whose species i am not familiar with in the toilet while one of us was bathing! frickin' scary. since that incident, whenever i go into the toilet, i check the floors to make sure it is bug-free.

yet, the 8 nights we were there, affection and attachment had been cultivated. the room was the very room we all went home to at the end of a busy and tiring day. the musky smelled room was home for the week we were there so no matter how bad the condition was, it was home to us. the room condition was so bad that some of my fellow travelers contemplated moving into the nearest hotel which had a functioning toilet with hot showers and ac yet they managed to suck it in and rough it out with the rest of us.

i'm not gonna lie. the first day there, i was ready to go home. yet, the powers that be must have foreseen that going home early would end the start of one of the most amazing trips i have ever been on. friendships had been built and friendships have been sealed.

seeing the things that i have seen made me realize how privileged i am and how easily the simple things in life like a clean and comfortable bed, hot showers and clean walls are taken for granted. leader of the pack, dr. yeoh has definitely succeeded in making the familiar unfamiliar, breaking down what was seen as trivial to us and bringing us back to basics.

i should have put up the link earlier before leaving but hey, better late than never!

so read all about what i did in my search of yogyakarta *click*

now all i am looking forward to is sleeping on my bed and resting my head on my clean pillow and waking up knowing that i don't have to scream and shiver in freezing water though after so many nights and days of bathing in cold water has made my body adjust to the level of coldness i had to endure. splashing cold water no longer seemed like a task yet still it didn't make me enjoy the entire process.

this trip has made me realize that i can adapt to any situation and try to make the best out of it. maybe having the convenience of shopping and fast food at my doorstep made the adaptation slightly smoother but nevertheless, i made it through. and definitely the sight of the many familiar faces going through the same things as i made me know that i was not the only one. talking about the room condition and crazy morning baths, probably brought us a little closer. the sights and sounds of jogja were so different from here that it was easy to appreciate the differences of the familiar and unfamiliar. graffiti on public walls, street musicians busking openly and peaceful street demonstrations shows just how vastly different 2 countries in the same region can be. i've seen and interacted with the locals in ways i could never have if not for this cultural trip. organized tours only show you the beauty of a country not the nitty gritty. cultural trips like the one organized by my lecturer brought us 10 steps closer to the locals and showed us the beauty and ugly of the going ons in the country. and from what i've seen, i've seen so much of beauty that even the amazing borobudur, prambanan temple, kraton and mount merapi have no match for the hospitality of the people of jogja that made my stay in jogja all the more amazing in this amazing mix of batik, music and art of a state.

today is gonna be the day
that we're gonna learn something new
by now we should have realized
jogja's got something new
we don't believe that anybody could feel the we do
about you now

back beat the word is on the street
that the fire in our heart is lit
we don't believe that anybody could feel the way we do
about you now

We've seen so much our bright new eyes are yearning,
For all we've done, we'll spread the word concerning,
There are many things that we would like to say to you but we don't know how..

Hey maybe,
We say Terima Kasih....
and after all.... you're so Wonderful...

*sung to oasis' wonderwall and minta ampun, i forgot some of the lyrics so i'm just putting up what i remembered.

ps: feeling pretty inspired and probably suffering from the one hour jet-lag wtfwtf.

hullo. i is back home sweet home. been gone for 5 days. which totals to 5 days without internet connection. damn it feels good to be back.

it was a whirlwind of endless walking and spending. a much deserved break to say the least. the past weeks (in regards to the 1st semester of course) had me broken inside out. literally exhausting me of whatever ounce of energy i had left. trying to salvage the remaining pieces of what's left. i breathed a huge sigh of relief that very friday i put the final dot of the full stop on that exam booklet. shook the ache of writing like i've never written before and walked out feeling lighter. i stood taller. i smiled wider. i made it through the wilderness.

and now, i'm already in the second week of my break. 2 out of 3. 2 days left before i go off again. excitement filled me a minute ago. now, all i wanna do is just stay, glued to one spot and not move. just the rise and fall of my beating heart. the sound of me breathing.

and then, i'm all excited again. head filled with excitement and the thrill of going somewhere new and foreign.

and the cycle continues.

this is probably due to the nature of how things work in the body, mind and soul of a hot-blooded female. that time of month where you're literally hot and cold in a split second. uncontrollable. unstoppable.

nevertheless, am totally looking forward to my next trip. a study tour is the official name for it. hopefully i can try to put my skills to the test. whatever the skills may be. i have yet to find out what my skills may be. but if this trip can open eyes to whatever possibilites and outcomes it may have on my future, then it will be a life-changing trip. otherwise, it will just be a great trip with a bunch of great people.

i go with the flow. and so far, the flow has been good to me. *knocks on wood*

Southern Style

'So what's happening'?" Lula asked.
'This couple's goin' on a date to Hawaii,' said Sailor. 'The girl chose him over two other guys.'
'Don't the reject guys get anythin'?'
'Gift certificates to Kentucky Fried Chicken,' Sailor said.
'That don't seem fair,' said Lula.
'Hell why should The Datin' Game be different from real life?' asked Sailor. 'At least them boys is gonna get something' to eat.'

-The Wild Life of Sailor and Lula, Barry Gifford

back to where we started. the beginning of my relationship with apple and it's wondrous creations.

that is the very first iPod shuffle, yo! ol' skool so cool.

as you know, my iPod nano is dead and gone (t.i. and j.t. 'dead and gone' wtf). maybe not dead, but most certainly gone =( which is why i have to use this ol' skool priceless (literally!) life saver. it keeps me company when studying. brings me joy that words cannot describe.

final paper coming soon!

and a date with megan fox right after ;)

drinks after? bwahahahaha...

i miss being able to listen to my songs anywhere and everywhere.

i miss knowing that i have at least one piece of comfort with me wherever i go.

i miss my ipod nano and i don't even have a photo to remember it by.

=( *wipes tears*

i have all this great blog ideas to blog about but when i sit my ass in front of a blank page, i go blank.

i think i should get a blackberry? yes? no? then i can blog anytime anywhere.

failed excuse in justifying why i should get such a canggih phone.

i hate it when the connection starts to lag and pages don't load like they're supposed to. hello, in the 21st century already. connection must keep up with the times. this is not the dial-up era. omg, do you even remember those? i so remember having to dial the connection and waiting for it to be connected.

that's what is should be. back in the days. not now NOW. future people. keep up with the program please. how can we be stuck with lagging connections?

i always go online and face the same old problem. but i guess it's better than no connection at all. sometimes i have good connection, sometimes i have terrible horrendous connection. you win some, you lose some.

oh wells.

by next week friday, i will be done done DONE with semester 1 =D

today's yumcha session was a very surprising one. i met a long lost friend. primary school friend to be exact. classmates in standard 1 and 2. i still remember, the four of us always together. ahh..memories. this was like...ZOMG!!! 14 years ago +_____+ i'm so old. i'm old enough to say 14 years ago wtf.

isn't it wonderful how small the world is? how one person can be friends with this person and then ka-boom you find out they're friends with this other person. 6 degrees of separation LOL.

overactive imagination turns reality. for real.

you know how you sometimes play the worst case scenario in your head when you're doing something? like say, you're walking down the street, you sometimes imagine someone's gonna come from nowhere and grab your bag. or sometimes when you're watching a movie and something tragic happens, you imagine what would you do if you were in the same situation. but at the end of the day, just before you lay your head to sleep, nothing bad ever really happens and it was all just you being paranoid of the world. heck, you think you have an overactive imagination. as if everyone out there is out to get you. look, she's using that handphone, she's wearing that necklace. everyone is suddenly out to take something from you.

well.

guess what?

overactive imagination finally decided to become reality. if you don't know already - facebook very good way to let the world know what happened - i was robbed.

don't worry. i'm fine. the bastard - from now onwards, whatever derogatory name i can think of will be used to describe the son of a bitch - only took my things. he didn't lay a finger on me. i can only thank God for that because only God knows what would have happened to me.

i was sleeping when it happened. deep sleep somemore if i could sleep through whatever commotion the motherfucker made when he was happily shopping in my room. so that was probably wise of me. the sleeping part. i dare not think what would happen if i woke up while he was in my room. okay, let's not go there. mental pictures are appearing in my head now.

the incident probably happened around 3-4am. now i'm wondering. how could he see in the dark? the window blinds were closed and i sleep with the lights off. damn that fucking asshole.

i feel violated. i was 'attacked' when i was most vulnerable. do you know how vulnerable you are when you are sleeping? okay. i should stop. mental images of possible ifs are appearing.

DAMN THAT FUCKTARD.

i'm still reeling with geramness at what happened. suddenly you think of 'oh i should have kept this and that in the drawer/cupboard'. CRAP LAH. it's done and over with. nothing can change that but then you still think of what you should have done. fuck this lah. i'm not supposed to feel like this.

i only got up when my dad came up to my room and asked me if i kept my jewellery box in the room. at first, when he asked, the question didn't really register. i think i mumbled a no saying i never took any box out of my room. then he persisted with another question of i kept anything in a the red box that was on my dresser. since i was already rudely awaken by a question that seemed nonsensical at 7.50 AM, i went to see the box in the other room. that was when i saw that ALL my accesories were GONE. i then rushed back to my room and realized one of my bag was missing. and then the other missing items were taken note of. watch and camera all gone. handphone which was on my bedside table, no prizes for correct answer, MISSING! FUCK THE SON OF A BITCH. he was THAT close to me. my bedside table. my head lying inches away from the table. DAMN THAT MOTHER FUCKER.

i don't know whether to laugh or cry when i saw my mac was safely on the table.

further inspection really made me wonder if i should laugh or cry. my pendrive was missing. my pendrive filled with assignments and lecture notes was missing but my laptop was still on my study table. the other joy in this otherwise terrible tragedy that has ever befallen me. hopefully the only one. i don't think i can take it if i have to go through this another time.

i can't remember what i felt. but after awhile i started to get mad. the first thought was probably 'GREAT, this had to happen during my exam period lah!'

yes. there i was worrying about authorship and THIS had to happen.

one day lost. and as if i can read now. i have all this geramness still in me and the what if scenarios keep playing in my head.

and i'm actually quite paranoid now. what if he comes back again since it was so easy the first time?

and i just found out just now that one of the kitchen knife is missing. OMG HE HAD A KNIFE WHEN HE WAS IN MY ROOM. I COULD HAVE BEEN dot dot dot...

the funny thing is, for the past 15 years i was living in a non-gated area. my old place was next to a main road. robberies happened outside my house NOT in it. now, i'm living in a gated area and 6 months later, for the first time in my entire life, i was robbed. goes to show that nothing is really as it seems. you think you're safe and protected just cause you're living in an area with high walls surrounding your area and 2 security guards guarding the ONLY entry and exit point of your area. you could never be more wrong.

now, my door is locked and i'm gonna sleep with the lights on.

i am totally digging capital fm's playlist right now. the music they're playing is making me wanna get up and dance and drink and be merry.

damn those exams.

and a bug just crawled up my leg.

it's now lying semi-crushed in the dustbin.

E-E-W. gross!

sucks but i have to watch another hitchcock film if i wanna answer a hitchcock related question for my exam. i'm afraid to watch vertigo alone. i don't know what to expect.

i wish it was xmas cos i want a blackberry.

i also want that pair of heels i am lusting after. but they don' have 'em in my size anymore. if you were a good salesperson, you would try and console me by recommending me another pair which has similarities with the pair i covet or maybe a pair which is better than the one i wanted.

but you're not.

not many people love their jobs. i hope i'll love whatever i get myself into.

I am colorblind

Coffee black and egg white

Pull me out from inside

I am ready

I am taffy stuck and tongue tied
Stutter shook and uptight

Pull me out from inside

I am ready

I am fine

I am covered in skin

No one gets to come in

Pull me out from inside

I am folded and unfolded and unfolding

I am colorblind

Coffee black and egg white

Pull me out from inside

I am ready

I am fine

~Colorblind [Counting Crows]

i have a lot of things to say but i...don't know how to put them in words. right now, my mind is just jumbled up with so much i don't know how to organize them. all over the place, fighting to be in the front of the line, trying to get my attention. and all i can do is let 'em float around and wait for 'em to settle down.

waiting for the dust to settle.

but i can say this. i handed up my final assignment! woot woot.

one down baybee and another to go! can i get a woot woot?

once i complete this final assignment, i'll be home free. sorta. who can escape exams? but nevermind. once that's done with, its the holidaaaays baybeeeeeee....

shake-a shake-a boom boom.

last week of classes and then its exams and then its 3 weeks of break and then the cycle repeats.

oh joy.

i watched 2 movies in 2 days, totaling of rm19 +___+ that's like 5 dvds or less. nevermind. i haven't been to the movies in a looong time. the first movie this year was wolverine. my first time in gsc 1u and i have to say that the cinema there is very cool in my books. seats are wide and headrest is high enough to lean on.

gsc summit and tgv pyramid must learn something from them. cinematic experience must be taken to another level. haven't tried the ones in the garden. i think that one has special seats too.

today we felt like high school kids all over again. 3 of us have driving license but not one of us drove. at the end of the day we had to call for our 'driver'. a true friend indeed =) we like totally lurve you now. you have all our lovin' wtf.

yesterday was terminator. today was angelsanddemons. both very kan cheong.

waiting for more blockbusters to come...

i need to prepare a draft for my writing class tomorrow but i can't come up with anything now. i realize i cannot conjure up a story under pressure! or maybe i'm just blocking the story. maybe it's already in there in my head somewhere, waiting to be unearthed. and i'm just sitting here blogging. good job, nat. good job.

wasting my time only.

***

my mom threatened to take the chair away because i pile all my bags and clothes on it.

in my defense the chair is damn convenient. just chuck everything on it. how i wish i can just chuck away the whatevers, the unknowns and the i-don't-cares.

i need to clear the chair up so asses can plop themselves onto it. bags need to be in the closet. clothes need to be hanged.

***

i cannot believe it but the semester is coming to an end. my second last semester is coming to an end. next semester is my final semester and after that, i'm gonna be thrust into the unknown +__+

scary shyt.

***

i also cannot believe this but i survived 12 wednesdays. torturous wednesdays! 9-6 classes. crazy shyt. never am i gonna schedule my classes this way ever again!

***

i really need to start writing on that draft.

***

i really want to watch a movie.

***

besides blogging random things, i am also deleting emails from my uni account. i have taken up the maximum storage space. i tried to send the emails to my personal account but it never seems to go there. i suspect i need to have a gmail account for that.

***

i need me some retail therapy.

***

i'm really sleepy. i've been sleeping early for the past few days.

i've also been taking ridiculously long naps which don't really constitute as naps when they take longer than 20 minutes i think.

***

just found out that san francisco coffee in cafeteria has a buy one free one deal. coolios.

only paid rm8 for my extreme mocha. i wonder what's in extreme buzz?

today i was a lazy ass. like literally.

i woke up at 10.30.
i skipped _____. (better not say it, this might be used against me by ____)
i took a 4 hour nap +____+
i have a presentation powerpoint to prepare and so far i only have 3 slides +__________+
i am STILL tired and sleepy even after the 4 hour nap.

FML lyk srsly.

lack of updates due to you-know-what.

i am pretty screwed. due date is on monday now.

monday: essay due.
tuesday: presentation.
wednesday: presentation.

+__________+

fck my life.

friday. 5pm. 2000 words. 40%.

+____+

today's date. tuesday. 8.26pm. 0 words.

readings done. 0.

panic level. -5. wtf.

i have no fear. which should be a fear in itself. i need to get the rush. the exhilaration of wanting to complete the damn essay. but i don't. so how?

continue watching grey's anatomy online.

baibai.

if backstreet boys came to KL, i will be the first in line.

their songs are frickin' awsum!

oh what a day!

the day started the night before and only just ended a few hours ago.

and i'm craving for more.

my friends semester breaks have indirectly become my semester break as well wtf. i am prancing around as though i have no assignments due next week.

priorities are definitely misplaced. but the fun i get out of my misplaced priorities, priceless. now lets just hope my grades won't be affected. because, i know how to have my cake and eat it too. right?

damn fail.

i was on a roll with media audiences till i clicked on mozilla firefox.

@___@

***

i miss chicken. don't know if any of you have heard of this but according to chinese belief, if you're coughing, you should not eat chicken. i've been following this belief since last week. i think my last chicken intake was the curry chicken my momma made. omg i'm salivating just thinking of chicken. FML.

i've been chicken deprived for a week. fck thz sht.

oh fck. i had kuey teow soup at old town kopitiam. it had sliced chicken. die. chicken essence in the soup. fck thz sht. i cannot escape the chicken.

see. this is why i cannot be a vegetarian.

have things changed or are they still the same?
so not a mind reader yet not willing to put it out there.
can only go.
going with the flow.
flowing flowing like a stream.
into nothingness.
till the truth reveals itself.

shuffle playing the most randomest songs ever. playlist on shuffle not good this time. need to re-shuffle wtf.

there's some serious shyt in the medication i'm taking. my heart was beating so damn fast today that my hands were shaking uncontrollably. i might be exaggerating a wee bit on the uncontrollably but i was shaking la ok. must give you guys a good mental picture wtf. quite scary lor.

but i'm alright now. thanks for your concern.

i hate wednesdays. i stay in uni till 6pm. i start at 9am. it's a miracle i survived till week 10.

oh yes. it is already week 10. like srsly, where did my days go? it feels like its only the beginning of semester. 3 more torturous weeks and then its finals which will then lead to 3 weeks of pure nothingness. which i am looking forward to. but of course out of the 3 weeks, one week has me globetrotting to a foreign land. looking forward mucho-mucho.

but for now, all i want is my friends from the other side of the world and in different continents to come back. i miss you guys.

i am uploading photos on to facebook as i am typing this.

i am timing the upload as i am uploading photos on to facebook.

the verdict?

10 minutes to upload 5 photos at once.

@______@

take my cough away. please. thankyouverymuch.

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me, yeah

-here without you, 3 doors down.

damnit. fighting a sore throat and slight flu now.

oh what a day!

my day started with a very lazy me lazing in my bed till the very VERY last minute. 7.45am. by that time, had no other choice. MUST wake up. pfft. trust me, if i didn't have a conscience the size of a carl jr's burger, i would have continued lazing in bed.

did my thing and drove off to uni where i met up with erika. she damn nice. she brought me some korean/japanese/sushi-lookalike-but-not-quite rice with salmon that tasted like tuna but was really just fishy dish that her neighbour made. regardless of who made the thing, she was thoughtful enough to think of me. i. am. so. touched *a single tear drops wtf

it was damn good. even my friends said so. i gave them a bite each. and i also had bubble tea. milk tea. the original. i luv it but it's so sweet its diabetic inducing. i even said so in my FB and twitter status "bubble tea quota full this week. anymore n diabetes will come a-knocking!" heh.

ok fast forward to authorship lecture. i tell you, never fail i will surely fall asleep in class. NEVER. FAIL. sumpah i.

even with the thought of andrew returning our assignments never stopped me in fear of falling asleep in lecture. actually, lecture and returning of assignments no connection. but anyways, yes, i was trying my hardest to stay awake. FAIL full stop.

second hour of lecture came and that was when the death days of many came +___+ my sincere condolences to those who were unsuccessful. i know and feel your pain. trust me. living example here.

i wasn't really worried about it till andrew started ticking off things we did wrong in the essay and when my friend who shall not be named was fidgeting beside me. those two combination together sent me straight to hell. i almost couldn't breathe when andrew started calling out names. my heart beat was S-L-O-W-I-N-G D-O-W-N. i could see the white light at the end of the tunnel. *dub dub*

name after name after name. mine was like the second to last to be called. why don't you just stab in the heart la? faster that way. or shoot me la. i'll feel no pain. i think. that's how it is in the movies right? shoot the heart and then...die. it felt like ETERNITY i swear. and it didn't help that the bunch of people in front of me were already getting their results back and were overjoyed they didn't fail. hello, dying back here, andrew!

finally...judgement day came.

i was surprisingly calm. i never really thought about what would happen if i failed it again. maybe a part of me was confident enough that i was going to be able to pull this off the second time round or maybe i was just going to wing and let whatever happens happen or maybe i put my faith in Him to know that i will get through this. whatever it was, i was prepared.

i took my paper from andrew not daring to flip straight to the last page. instead i turned the paper over and tried to see it from the back.

double digit *woot*
first digit didn't start with a zero *woot woot*
first digit looked like a number bigger than 2 *woot woot woot*

i went back to my seat, sad down and slowly turned back to the last page.

all i can say is victory never tasted so sweet. i may not have achieved an HD or even a D but the thought of managing to pull this off the second time was the most sweetest victory i ever had. that was my battle for the past year and a almost half. you have no idea how dejected i was when i found out my results last year. no words. seriously. i remembered telling my friend i was not going to be able to join them for a birthday celebration because i was just too depressed. i cried. i didn't dare tell my parents. i was a failure. the only comfort i can salvage for my own self preservation was that i trust it was His plan for me. not necessarily the failing part but His plan nonetheless.

now, i can only give glory to His name! for without Him i would not have been able to pull this off. i literally worked all night long on the essay. through my 21st. yes. the daytime of my 21st will be remembered for the blood, sweat and tears of toiling away on the essay.

i might not be excellent but that doesn't bother me. i strive to be an average student. so sue me.

i drove home feeling damn proud of myself. messaged a friend and called another.

whilst driving i decided to reward myself for my excellent progress in my world of academia that i went to the times warehouse sale. bought myself 6 books for rm45. can you say dude, whoaaaaa?

alot of latest books only had a 30% discount. don't know if it's worth it or not. so i bought the 3 for rm10 and 3 other books for rm10 and rm15 each. at least now i have something non-academic to read.

my dear friend called me when i was browsing. wanted to discuss an assignment so she came to look for me.

after discussing, we went to the toilet. once we stepped in, the lady janitor told us not to wet the floor.

@_______@

double eww tee eff.

we probably looked like 5 year old BOYS entering the ladies toilet.

she made my day.

it's the weekend woots!

i'll be off to fraser's hill for the long weekend break. church camp yo! i have yet to pack my bags and its already 1.30am +___+

on monday i have an assignment due. die la. woe is me.

looks like i'll be slaving away on it on sunday and monday. what else is new?

i'm beginning to like my writing class. it feels good to not have to think about theories and just write. but then its a pretty exhausting class as well. takes the life out of you.

right. i shall return next week. bai bai.

i barely slept last night. tossing and turning. surprisingly i woke up to the sound of my alarm wide awake. that. never. happens.

now, i am so bloody tired i just wanna crawl on my bed and snooze. and don't care about the 2 proposals and script i'm supposed to prepare. but my conscience is killin' me. i won't sleep in peace. actually, that's a lie. i'm just gonna wing it tomorrow. ok that's another lie. i'll do it then sleep.

bah.

whatever la.

i want chocolate. and i want it now. the lady in secret recipe lied to me. i asked which was the best chocolate cake they had there, she said chocolate indulgence. if i was in a right frame of mind, i would have gone for the banana chocolate or white chocolate macademia. damn word indulgence conned me. not indulgent enough i say! damn sweet too! i want ben&jerry's phish food and americone dream!

my 2 lovers when i was in the states =) comfort food.

if they weren't so bloody expensive here, i would have a stock pile in my freezer.

would you look at that? i'm posting. see...i said i would blog right?

ok..but this post will have nothing substantial la. nothing interesting to blog about now. actually i'm supposed to be writing my proposals and rewriting my writing draft but i'm lazy like that.

i'm back!

hello. it's me. the owner of this blog. if you can even remember who she is. don't blame you if you forgot. it's been too long, hasn't it? well, my apologies. i got...distracted? lazy? no excuse la right? i mean if one has a blog, the least the blogger could do is update it, occasionally right? or else just delete it laa. giving readers false hope only wtf.

ok ok. well fret not wtf. for i am back! heh heh...wtf.

now, prepare to get updated. *jengjengjeng*

ohh..if you cannot get enough of me, i twitter too! follow me here. i have found the joys in microblogging which is probably why i hardly *cough* (i know it feels like never) update here. but i'll change that. i promise. ok better not promise. i tend to break them. unintentionally.

i'll be back =)

cheers!

this blog is not dead.

yet.

ola

ola!

i'm still alive and kicking! miss me lehhhh....

sorry for the lack of updates but my life revolves around work, work, work AND work. all i do is work. i'm not complaining though. this totally beats doing assignments any day.

i would love to post photos but i have no where to store my photos once i've uploaded them so just wait laa yeahh. man man tang wtf.

you have no idea how much i miss the food back home. everyday i have a different craving. from kai fan to chu yoke fun to hokkien mee to curry laksa to bak kut teh. thankfully, i'm eating well here.

believe it or not, i've been here for almost 2 months already. i miss home and all but at the same time i really like it here too. i've met some of the most awesomest people here that have made my stay here all the more memorable. i'll tell you more about the awesome people in my life here when i have the photos to show you.

till then.

chao!

update part 1

life is good here. i seriously think i do more walking here in a day then i do back home in a week. i walk to the trolley stop everyday- about 10 minutes there and another back. and some days, i'll have to sprint to the trolley stop because if you have mean trolley drivers, they'll just leave you there even though they see you running.

the weather is great this week. not too cold not to hot. i think the locals call this the perfect weather. work is good. i sell photos to happy tourists. i wish them 'have a nice day' and they wish me back 'you too'. ahhh...life is good.

but then again, i've only been here 2 weeks. come back to me in 3 months.

i sorta celebrated Thanksgiving here it's a holiday celebration somewhat similar to our CNY reunion dinner. all the children will come home and have dinner with the family. they also say it's the time where they get to eat all they want. pfft. back home in malaysia, we eat all we want all day everyday!

tis the season to be jolly too! the Thanksgiving SALE! it starts a midnight and they have crazy deals. there was a literally a queue in front of Coach. and certain shops like Calvin Klein and Tommy Hilfiger had a 50% storewide sale. can you say OMG?

needless to say, i had to control myself.

this is probably the part you people are most looking forward to. some photos to whet your appetite!

the ladies in Prime Outlet. this isn't the Thanksgiving Sale. we went there on our first week there when we had a day off. lotsa branded outlet shops.

daylight turns to dark. such a pretty sky. it gets dark around 5pm. by 6pm it looks like its 9pm. i get sleepy by that time. but now, i've pretty much gotten used to it. now i'm back to my regular sleeping pattern =)

the ladies in the Trolley. we take this to work everyday. this is us on our way to Prime.

that's me in my living room. okay laa. not my living room. this is the clubhouse. it's really pretty. there's a fake fireplace!



this is the main area. damn nice right? we also have a movie theater, a basketball court, a gym and a pool. it's a pretty place.

more coming soon =)

is everyone missing me already because i'm missing everyone!

i know you guys want update because you wanna live your exciting lives through me right? HAHAHA. cheh wah wtf. i shall be nice and try to update you guys regularly laa but i can't promise because i get really tired at the end of the day and all i want to do is sleep. i'll try to post up pictures soon.

the place i'm living at is DAMN AWESOME! i'll let the photos do the talking. soon. if not here then facebook.

the weather is slightly haywire. it's been pretty cold here and apparently that is unusual weather here but today, the weather was really nice. not too cold not too hot.

check back whenever. will try to update. byeeeee.

missing home mucho mucho.

FREE INTERNET

hello!

just wanted to say that i have landed safe and sound in changi airport and am now utilising the free internet. which is only available every 15 minutes. so i gotta log in and out. and i'm gonna do this till i get tired of standing. no chairs to surf the net. free mah. what to do.

anyways, gonna fly off in about 7 hours time +_______+

ZOMG 7 hours in the airport!!! thank gawd for FREE INTERNET!

hallmark moment. start. i wanna say HUGE thank you to those who came to send me off. if any of you are reading this, i wanna say THANK YOUUU for the gift and the card. DEFINITELY put a SMILE on my face =)). end.

i'm already missing HOME =((

sifu moment

"i am but a small speck in the ocean of humanity, struggling to survive, not to outdo" (B Chay, 2008)

a FUYOH moment. this is what exam stress can do to a person.

quantum of solace...nope.

quantum of solace is worth the ticket price just for daniel craig.

can you see where this is going? the movie does not live up to expectations at all. the whole car chase routine, running around and jumping from one building to another was chaotic. the whole camera movement was shaky and blurry (i can't find a better word to describe it). you couldn't tell who was who when they were chasing each other. i was nauseous just watching it. no, i'm not exaggerating.

i also didn't get the storyline. like who is dominic greene again? and what is his deal? maybe i was slow when watching it but for a james bond movie, it shouldn't be rocket science.

why did vesper have to die!!??? poor poor bond. heartbroken and all.

bottom line, let's hope the next bond movie will be better. better camera work especially and a better storyline please with humour added in to the script. daniel craig hurt himself making the movie and i can see why. crazy action going on. unfortunately can't exactly be appreciated. but i can definitely appreciate daniel craig *ahem* do look out for the credits for the name of gemma arterton's character.

gimme casino royale any day man. i can watch that movie on repeat and never get bored.

not exaggerating.

anyways, the next movie i'm really looking forward to is twilight *schoolgirl moment wtf* marry me already edward! (belinda chay, please go read the book already. no excuse anymore. you have 4 months break. go read book it.) i'm already hyping myself out listening to the soundtrack. love bella's lullaby.

hopefully it'll be good and not as disappointing as the latest bond. i was really looking forward to quantum of solace =( nevermind, daniel craig more than made up for it. and ohh before i forget, please watch out for the car in the opening scene. i'm gonna start driving my car with more pride than ever now. teehee.
(clue: it's not the aston martin)



"men are stupid. they go for the obvious" - daniel meade

happiness is a comin'

ok it's official. my exams are FINALLY over. i can sleep easy now. actually, it was officially over yesterday. and no. i didn't exactly get to celebrate the way i wanted to (read drinks with a certain amount of alco content).

we literally stopped at a few petrol stations to look for drinks. then it finally dawned on us: don't drink and drive. hence the no drinks sold in petrol stations =(

so yes, i didn't exactly get to 'celebrate' but never mind, another celebration was celebrated.

BIRTHDAYS!

don't you just love em'? another year to mark your descent to your grave. anyways, hope you guys had fun despite the constant change of plans. HA HA!

happy holidays to me =D

laa dee daa

i hate hate hate hate hate HATE __________ (fill in the blanks).

it's a no brainer, really.

no prizes for guessing correctly. just the satisfaction of knowing that you are not alone in this world. that there are others out there who HATE HATE HATE _________ too :)

ahh..can you feel it?

inner peace.

the moment we've all been waiting for.

boo.

my inner peace ain't here yet. it's lost in the mail.

omg omg omg. this is totally random but i have an increase of 15sens in my nuffnang account. LIKE FINALLY! *punches air in victory wtf wtf

ok, if you must know right, nuffnang has been a bitch to me. since the first day i signed up with them till this very moment, i have had no increase whatsoever in my earnings. the last time i checked i had.....rm0.65! and now with a rm0.15 increase..i have..

0.65 + 0.15 = 0.80

ZOMG 80sens in my account!!! another rm49.20 left to go before i get my first cheque!!! wheeeeee.

dot dot dot

wanna know what i did today? i played teddy factory on my handphone and my thumbs are aching now.

i was trying to take a 'break' from studying and ended up playing that infantile game for the past 2 hours. and because i haven't taken my nap yet, i napped. there, my day in one sentence. don't you feel productive just reading it? because right now, i just wanna study study study because thats the most productive thing i can do today! wheeeeee.

if i go abit senile on friday, please forgive me. it's just the aftereffects of long term reading, hardcore 13 weeks of assignments and classes coming to an official end for the year :))

i shall end my post with something i got from nicole's blog

Just try this. It is from an orthopedic surgeon. This will boggle your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can't. It's preprogrammed in your brain!

1. While sitting where you are at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right Hand. Your foot will change direction.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

it's the funniest thing ever! hahahhaha. go try it.

decreasing mental capabilities

i think my ability to read and understand has deteriorated. considerably. at an alarming rate i might add.

i read and read and READ but i don't understand AT ALL.

+____+

i think i just turned stupid.

goo goo gaa gaa google

instead of taking one off day, i took two and looking at the way things are progressing, looks like i'm gonna be taking three off days +__+

not. good.

not good at all.

but i did spend my time organizing my album covers in iTunes. now most of my songs have an album cover on them, making them look organized, neat and pretty *cough

thanks to amazon.com i can finally copy+paste album covers. amazon.com is way better than allcdcovers.com. there, now you know my secret =)

and just now, my iPod froze. i was browsing the song list and then it just stopped and had that buzzing sound. scared the shyt outta me. i thought "there goes my iPod. oohh, time to get a new one wtf"

one. word.

google.

one click and problem solved. there goes my hope of getting a new iPod. i should have gotten the iPod classic. i'm starting to run out of space with my iPod nano. i have 1332 songs excluding songs which have yet to be transfered from my cd's. and everytime i watch gossip girl or grey's anatomy, i end up loving the songs played and will hunt for them. i found the most AWESOMEMEST website that lists all the songs played in an episode. hearts.

one song i'm really into right now is emilliana torrini's big jumps.

exams 2008

one down, two to go. yippee ai ayy i'm a cowboy wtf.

feels damn good to be relieved of one subject now. one book less to read, more space on my table.

but then it feels like the tougher subjects are coming up now. brrr..contemporary fiction comes to mind. is it me or did it just get cold in here wtf. sigh. andrew's subject does that to you. great lecturer, terribly tough subjects. brrrrr...

then the day after is all about althusser, foucault and his governmentality bla bla bla, pii pii por por (ZOMG i'm having a flashback moment here-lips and j).

boy do i LOVE exams. feel the joy emanating from my pores, bursting at the seams and flowing through every fibre of my being. i'm gonna burst into song now wtf. *singin' in the rain, i'm singin' in the rain...*

another one turns twenty

You know who you are...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!


xoxo

i like it i like it

i'm gonna make a movie!

after completing my FINAL assignment of the sem, i have come to the conclusion that i enjoy the process of making a movie/tv show. it's way better when you see the final cut of your hard work on screen.

watch out spielberg! *jengjengjeng*

i'm looking at films and other productions on screen differently now. i now see how they edit their clips and i find it so interesting how they can cut into a new scene so effortlessly. for us, cross dissolve baby, the magic wand that makes editing that much easier.

making a film/tv show is no walk in the park. you have to visualise how the final product will look like on screen. what music you're gonna insert into the scene while you're actually filming the scene. it's all about thinkin ahead way before you start. and i like it. but this might just be a passing phase for me. whatever it is, i hope to find something i'm passionate about before the end of my final year.

i mean, i think i like the whole film making process but DO I REALLY LIKE IT? i'm fickle minded like that. i also think i want to work in a magazine but thats what i think i want because i'm basing my ideas of what its like to work for a magazine on the devil wears prada and ugly betty wtf. the only way i'll know if those are my passions is to actually be there, doing it for real.

i cannot go on going with the flow now can i? i'm gonna join the workforce in a years time and i dont want to go stumbling into something that will secure me a certain kind of stability if i still dont know what i want at the end of it.

i already know what i want to major in so i can base my career decisions based on my qualifications but then again, not everyone practices what they preach or learn in this case. and that's okay.

look, there's even a silent film contest which i am actually contemplating on participating. want to join me belinda? i saw your entry on wanting hallmark to hire you wtf. you cannot escape me now wtf.

i might not be good at what i'm doing but i can learn. ancora imparo (can you say fuyoh! wtf. i am monash material indeed wtf)

hols kickin' in

i'm already in holiday mood which is a really REALLY bad thing because i can't be in holiday mood yet as my holidays are not here yet.

i have to study. after this week of course because i'm still busy with another assignment which THANKFULLY is not an essay. i will die if i have to write another essay. for the year 2008, that is. i cannot afford to die writing an essay next year because that will be the cycle once again. oh joy.

i collected my passport today and there was a long queue outside the office. i got there and the guard asked "UK or US?"

then he asked me to queue up. then this lady guard stopped me and asked me the same thing. next thing i know, i was scanned and let in to the very empty office. sat down and exchanged pleanseantries and 5 minutes later i was out of the office. the queue wasn't any shorter.

i'm still curious as to why those people were queuing up. were they waiting for their passports too? or were they applying for their visa? oh wells...sucks to be them wtf.

ok. gossip girl finished downloading. byebye.

so scared

since handing up my last essay of the semester, OF THE FRICKIN' YEAR BABY! i have been a bum. and a happy bum indeed.

it feels good to come home and be able to do nothing. feels good not to worry about reading and researching and then actually beginning writing the essay. feels good not to think about structuralism, poststructuralism, derrida, foucault, idealism, materialism, ideology, discourse and many other brain screwing mind numbing head banging nails on walls tear inducing theories which at this point in time seem to be of uselessness because what will i be needing these theories for in the future? will it help me get a rich husband? will it help me become a rich tai tai? will it make me happy? wtf i so drama now.

wait a minute.

this isn't over yet, is it?

as i recall, i have exams in 2 weeks time.

bring on the brain screwing mind numbing head banging nails on walls tear inducing theories!


i is sked now. +____+

technology savoury

my mother is not technologically 'savoury' (jega, 2007).

"i'll google the recipe"
"huh? what's google?"
+________+ like the holy grail of all things WWW.

story behind it was that there was a pineapple at home so i told my mother why not make pineapple fried rice! she goes to say "why don't you cook it, if you can get the recipe"

pfft. she's TOTALLY underestimating me. so that's when i said "i'll google the recipe"

all hail GOOGLE *insert relevant emoticon*

madison oh madison

today taught me a very important lesson.

NEVER. EVER. WEAR. HEELS. WHEN. WALKING. FOR. HOURS.

i know heels make you look pretty and taller than you really are but for the love of me, i salute women i see wearing heels whilst shopping. RESPEK wtf.

i now have extremely tired feet. sigh. from now onwards, heels will only be worn to sit and make me feet look pretty and sexy wtf. i could literally hear my feet screaming in AGONY. a certain amount of the population will now think i walk funny because i walked like captain jack sparrow only i wasn't half drunk and i'm not as sexy as johnny depp. life is so unfair wtf. but my heels make me look taller. sigh. dilemma wtf.

and i now COVET the madison bag! so cantik.

aku tak boleh tunggu untuk pergi ke US! adoi..aku pergi ke US untuk 'the wrong reasons' (i lupa the malay word for reasons wtf) tidak apa. aku akan bekerja keras untuk mendapat duit berlambak banyak. seronoknya hidupku ni wtf.

which totally reminds me, i now need to bekerja keras menulis esei aku. semoga aku berjaya.

totally random fact, i stopped writing my essay last night with 888 words. so 'ong' horr.
and now, after starting and then stopping to blog (rajinnya aku) i have 911 words! wahh..so cool hor wtf.

wtf. that means i only wrote 23 words from yesterday to today.

byee. must finish it now. i give myself one hour to write 1000 words. RAH RAH!

the power of naps

i woke up this morning with all the intention to start on my essay.

a 2000 word essay which is so theoretically based that i want to hurl myself across the universe and never come back wtf.

trust me. if you've read althusser and foucault, you'll know what i mean.

so i took out my books, propped myself comfortably on the bed, grabbed my pillow, laid my head on the pillow for a 5-minute power nap which went on to become a 3 hour nap +_________+

innocence of the $$$ kind

i walked innocently into mng.
walked innocently out.

i walked innocently into dp.
walked innocently out.

i walked innocently into topshop.
...
and came out...

innocently poorer! i swear. i should not have thought to myself that there's no harm in trying out the clothes.

WRONG!

if anything, more damage done. to the pocket that is.
my happiness level however is on H-I-G-H!

i'm such a girl laa.