prepare for takeoff

wow. it's finally here. i don't know why but i've been having this surreal feeling about 2009 coming to an end. like 'i don't believe it's the end' kind of feeling. like a pinch me i must be dreaming kind of feeling. or just slap me senseless and tell me it's not real. maybe i just feel comfortable where i am now and the start of a new year brings with it a whole lot of uncertainties. and in a way, it does.

for the first time in my entire life/existence, i have nothing laid out for me. the world is literally my oyster. i can be anything and do anything and just be without having a thought at the back of my head telling me that this is only temporary and i have better things to do like go back to classes and start the crazy workload. again. i have people asking me, are you gonna do masters? and the same answer always crops up. "at the moment, no. i have no such plans. maybe in the future." but then again, i dont think so either. but that's just the present me talking. who know's what the future me plans.

see. uncertainties. previous new years didn't have this effect on me. maybe because i knew where i was going. if it was during my schooling days, i knew i'll be in school in the new year, getting excited the night before cos i'll be seeing my classmates and seeing teachers again and guessing which teacher will be pregnant. again. trust me when i say this but i have a few teachers whom we called mesin beranak. no joke. every year, she's bound to be pregnant. then when it came to after form5, i knew i was going to college. none of those gap year business. it was just a matter of where i was going. overseas or local? then it came to university and 3 years of my life laid out for me.

but now, the dynamics have changed. i have nothing to fall back on except my ass but that seems to be bruised right now. i am literally a free agent. without a license to kill wtf. i have friends who are so sure of their futures ie applying for honours, masters or securing themselves an interview for a job. what do i have? i sit on the floor and twiddle my thumbs hoping to make a change but never actually doing it. sure, i know what i'm planning to do in june. this time, it's the gap year business. taking time off may be an euphemism for bumming, but whatevs. i live my life. it's not gonna change anybody's DNA.

have a great new years celebration cos i know i will. remember to give a toast to the year that was.

see you on the other side.

the year so far...

it's been a great X'mas, i hope.

now, it's time to mark the end of a year. a year of greatness and a year of not-so-greatness. i think i had a pretty great year. starting with the beginning of the year 2009. i was working at shamu's express. i extended my shift because i didn't want erika to be alone that night plus i could use with the money! it was quite sad actually, me and her in that little booth. then we saw guests wearing these really cool 2oo9 glasses that lighted up! we both really wanted to get one so erika ran off to look for the vendor. we wanted to usher in the new year with style! too bad they were all sold off. very disappointed but nothing we can do. then the countdown began and the fireworks lighted up the night sky. i remember we had to kneel down just so we could see the fireworks. sounds pathetic, i know. no funky 2009 glasses and no new year's party. damn, twas quite sad. at least we had free transport home and an afternoon shift the next day. such simple pleasures.

all that work and i had the bestest time in nyc and san francisco, baybeh! that alone is the one of the greatest highlights of 2009. of course orlando too. that place will forever hold a special place in my heart.

then when the semester started, i took the challenge of taking 5 units. suicidal? hell yes. it was hell exhausting. i didn't feel it when i was doing it but at the end of the semester, that's when it all came crashing. boys and girls, please DON'T fail in uni.

another highlight? turning 21. nuff' said la. not looking forward to 2010 for that alone. or maybe not. ask me when the day comes.

but the most happiest day in 2009 is DEFINITELY finding out that i can graduate. pure, unfiltered, happiness with a capital H. best damn feeling of accomplishing something this ginormous. whoah, a thought just occurred to me. what if i took masters and phD? no need magic mushrooms or space cakes or even alcohol, yo! so happy that i can probably fly like a unicorn.

sadly, the journey ends.

soon.

3 more days, people. make 2009 count.

take me to your mothership

one word: Avatar.

two words: visually stimulating.



two thumbs up.

one huge smile.

money well spent. rm7 for a 2 hour 43 minute movie.

there were a few touching moments in the movie that tugged at my heart and i didn't expect that from a hollywood blockbuster of this proportion. i would have dropped a tear or two if it weren't for the 'loud' commentary i had. this native man sitting next to me made idiotic comments in some parts it RUINED the effect of the movie. idiot! for example, the part where the na'vi's were all praying for grace, native man had the decency to tell his partner that they can all join AKADEMI FANTASIA! serious WTF moment right there. i should have slapped that man senseless. and he kept complaining 'why is this movie so long?' in his native language. there were plenty of moments like these where he made idiotic comments throughout the movie. seriously, cinema etiquette please. do you need a fucking manual on how to behave when watching a movie?

even the bunch of 'kids' behind me made idiotic comments and laughing at the wrong parts! omg what is wrong with people these days?!! don't even know how to watch a movie in a public space. go buy the DVD and make stupid comments and laugh at the sad parts in your private space. don't rain on other people's parade.

ok, end of rant.

call it a skill but the whole movie had a 'predictable' ending that i sorta knew what was gonna happen when they showed vital parts of the film. i don't wanna mention it here in case some of you have not watched it but i think you too will know it when you see it. i don't think it's that hard to miss. or maybe it's a skill i picked up from my undergraduate years. movie watching never wast the same after all those classes.

the visuals was definitely awesome and i reckon it would have been mind-blowing on 3D. i mean i was already awed on the 2D version whatmore the 3D. the movie in a way does reflect what's going on now in our present reality; war, environment, love, politics, consumerism and all those big mumbo jumbo jargons.

the truth hurts so whatchu gonna do about it? go transform yourself into a na'vi and live in pandora that's what! humans are evil beings. truth hurts doesn't it?

sun and moon

the fan is spinning slowly to a stop. the ac is blowing cold air. the night is silent except for that weird noise i hear coming from somewhere in the house. the typing on the keyboard is giving out a soothing tap-tap-tap sound, one of comfort and truth, one of familiarity.

i just had a plate of roti canai with fish curry and a glass of teh o ais limau. i just read someone's blog. i just updated my twitter. i just checked the status updates on fb. i clicked on my inbox.

the night is still except for the whirring of the ac, projecting cold air, cooling the room and ultimately allowing me to sleep comfortably in the quiet night. there's no rain tonight. the shutters are down so i can't see if the stars are out tonight.

i sit by my bedside typing words, allowing my thoughts to flow into this page.

i bid you goodnight now. i have been early to bed since coming back from my trip but tonight, i am back to my old sleeping habits. i don't want that. i quite like waking up at 8 in the morning even though i laze till 9. it tells me that morning is here and it's a brand new day for me to be productive and proactive. at least that's what i aspire to achieve when the sun rises.

goodnight. goodmorning.

fish out of water

at least that's what it felt like for me when i was in taiwan. i was amongst my fellow kind and yet i couldn't understand them. for all i know, they could be speaking greek to me. it was tough to order a cup of pearl bubble milk tea/my ultimate fave by the way. i didn't know how to order it/damn shy. two words: tour guide. my 'hero'. had both of them translate so i knew what was what.

haiyo, damn effin' shy.

will take mandarin lessons, i swear!

my guide had this to say though, "go get yourself a mandarin speaking boyfriend then you can learn". +_______________+

fml.

this love

packed and ready to go.

loads of bus rides to come. but oh wells, i ain't complaining.

the first of many planned trips...

empire state of mind

the weather is killin' me. been having the urge to shower at least 5 times to day +___+ way to save the environment.

i did something out of character today. i offered to take my brother out cycling. i was trying to entertain him AND at the same time brush up on my cycling skillz, yo! and i am proud to say, i can turn and cycle at the same time/woots. don't laugh but before today all i could do was cycle in one direction. if i wanted to turn, i had to manually put my feet on the ground and make that turn. but not anymore/muahahaha.

but i shouldn't be rejoicing laa cos for all i know, i might forget how to turn and just resort to the old method/boo.

i need more practice that's for sure.

today's cycling adventure also brought me for the very first time to the little park in my neighbourhood/gasp, i know. now i know we have a swing and slide and a basketball half-court in my neighbourhood. after almost a year living here then i discover this piece of land. but ignorant i am no more.

i also watched the third mummy film, the one with michelle yeoh and jet li and wtf where is rachel wiez? hello?! nobody can replace rachel wiez. i'm sorry maria bello, that british accent you were trying to pull off/fail. and what's up with the son looking older than brendan fraser?! they just had to make the movie laa. nothing spectacular but then again, you people already know that, don't you?

i also caught running in heels on E! i love shows that are set in the magazine industry ie. ugly betty, running in heels and this other show on channel v called stylista i think/only caught one episode. these shows make me want to work there.

my other fave is giuliana&bill. i think they're the most hilarious couple on reality tv/too bad nick&jessica are no more, they were funny too. watching that show makes me want to have giuliana's job! call me shallow but i would like to work in the media industry that focuses on entertainment and maybe fashion. that much i know. now i gotta think of a way to get into that industry and think of where i wanna be.

i might also want to give advertising a shot.

see, dilemma dilemma. i know i'm still young. my options are still open but still, the pressure to take that first step is...wow. not easy. times like these you wish you're still in uni where all you have to think about is what units you want to take next semester.

but i'm done with that. the studying part. i'm ready for the next phase of life.

bulletproof

i dont need a man.

i want a man.

there's a difference between needs and wants as i've learned in marketing class. and i'm sure the dictionary will tell you the difference too. it's no mystery that all straight/emphasis on the straight now that the world we know has many a variety of sexual orientations\ would want a man. though i do know of some people who need a man.

i'll be honest, i think my perception of romance is really skewed and will probably be off tangent/i'm not really sure what this means but it sounds intelligent\ if measured on the graph. i read way too many chick lits and watch way too many romantic comedies. i sometimes wish my life was like the movies, with background music and hot leading man by my side but life is NOT like the movies, isnt it? cos if it were, we'd be in a perfect world. and the world is far from perfect. just read the newspaper.

everytime i watch a romcom or read a chick lit or anything that has romance in it, i wish i had that. that person to love and want to make things work for life with. yeah, i know there will be tough times and rough times thrown in for good dramatic effect cos gawd knows life is full of dramas but so be it. i wouldn't have it any other way. i remember reading that when couples argue, it shows that they care enough to want to fight about it, to fight for their love. i so agree with that. cos when you don't fight, that's when the loving stops. that's when you don't give a damn anymore to want to fight for it.

so i guess, fighting is good? haha. no, not really. i mean petty fights are just ridiculous. i know of couples who don't seem to have that spark anymore and yet are still in that relationship. but who am i to judge. a relationship involves two parties not three or four. outsiders can only guess and make assumptions about said relationships. if the two that are in it are fine with how things are, i guess we should just let them be. it's their happiness anyways. nothing to do with us. like my friend would say, "it won't affect my DNA"

true that.

i hate how people ask "how come you don't have a boyfriend?","are you picky/choosy?" . yeah, the million dollar question and the rhetorical question goes hand in hand. what answers are these people expecting me to give them? i eat boys for dessert and of cos i'm picky, you wouldn't eat a rotten apple, would you? and why shouldn't i be picky when i might eventually marry this man and wake up next to him every morning for the rest of my life.

life's tough questions answered. gimme my book deal and talk show already.

a conversation with a friend brought my attention to this;

guys are intimidated by our natural awesomeness or status which doesn't really matter when you're just getting to know someone but then again, we're living in the real world. you either have to be from an average-and-below income family or filthy-rich income family to score yourself a man. because those in the average-and-above seem to be having it tough/this is based on the statistics of people i know aka my acquaintances\ so don't quote me on this. the average-and-above are in limbo.

you have to drive a certain car and dress a certain way and speak and act a certain way for guys to be interested enough to initiate the chase/based on personal observation\

maybe it's best if the guy knew less about you which is probably why a mystery girl/guy is such a turn on. you know nuts about this person which makes the chase exciting. like cluedo, the whudunnit game. instead of a murder, it's a guessing game of is this my life partner?

don't you love board games? there's a game called the game of life where you build your career and family all with the roll of a dice and a spin of a wheel in a car you move along the board adding family members and accumulating wealth and health. if only life were that simple.

i know i claim to live the simple life but really, is there really simplicity in this mad and complicated world? i have tons of questions in my head, tons of options to choose from and huge life altering decision to make. does any of that sound simple?

all i'm asking for is someone to lean on, not rely on. is that so hard to ask?

all the right moves

WOOHOO. it is now OFFICIAL!

i can officially graduate. no more scares or second doubts/huge sigh of relief.

you have no idea how scared i was despite passing my exams, there was still a nagging feeling at the back of my mind. you see, MonU has this credit point system where you have to have a certain amount of first year units, second year units and third year units in order to graduate. huge hassle cause certain units are offered in second and third year units so you have to choose wisely which year you want to take that unit in.

so of course in my final year, i did the calculations and made sure i enrolled in the correct year. but somehow, i had this itch in the back of my mind telling me that i MIGHT have miscalculated and will not be able to graduate in time +____+ and to make matters worst, my course coordinator made a comment on my fb status which scared the living daylights out of me/not funny!

i did the calculations AGAIN in my head and was DAMN EFFING sure i calculated correctly.

LO AND BEHOLD, i DID do it correctly because i got the green light :DDD

so there you have it, you are now reading the blog of a Bachelor of Arts (Communication & Writing) graduate/not officially yet but still. hehe.

quite proud of myself really. i have to say that this is one of my greatest achievements in life. you have no idea how happy i was when i saw my results that told me i can graduate/before all the not-enough credit points drama. the happiness was just on a high that i couldn't control.

of course, life had to throw me a curveball and bring me the flu to add to the joy but i have been pumping in loads of vitamin C and h20.

i celebrated with a big juicy steak and margaritas!

life has been good. i'm still looking around, doing some soul searching but i know i'll be fine through God's grace cause i wouldn't be where i am right now if it weren't for Him :)

:DDD

it's official :D

i want to pamper myself man.

no way.

craaaaap.

i feel the oncoming of a flu +_____________+

shit. faster drink loadsss of water.

vampires, werewolves and a swan.

dont judge me.

but i've watched new moon...twice!

zomg, the only other movie i watched twice in the cinema was white chicks. don't ask. oh waits. i watched it on dvd then i watched it in the cinema, so that doesnt count.

zomg, so for the first time in my life, i watched a movie twice in the cinema. same movie somemore!!! total fanatic :O

but i have a valid reason for watching the second time. some background story:

i introduced my mother to the twilight books. i think for the past week all she's done is plop herself on the couch and just read read read. she's in the last book by the way. she watched the first movie, read the second book and told me she wanted to watch the movie.

so as a loving and doting daughter, of course i'll take my mother out to the movies! she enjoyed it btw. and she's team edward haha. i know i've said on fb that i'm team jacob but that was the visuals talking. after reading the book (rereading eclipse btw) i'm totally, completely and commit-fully team edward :O how can i not be? jacob is fine and all but edward is...he sparkles man. nuff' said.

LOL.

ok that's not the reason la. but it's the way he loves her man. like epic love. fuyoh. things like these just dont happen in reality so must live vicariously through bella.




dont judge me. lemme tell you something, i'm a sucker for romance. there. the secret's out of the bag. but i dont read those harlequin romance or mills&boons romance. those kind i tak boleh tahan.


so if u ask me what i thought of new moon. i will say i preferred it when compared to twilight. guess you can see better effects and the colour is more vivid. the first movie seemed darker and moodier.


don't ask about the acting la cos this movie is not out to win an oscar anyways. i like the soundtrack though but somehow it gives off an indie-ish sorta vibe. i would think that more mainstream bands would be featured on the soundtrack. the only mainstream band is muse but that's cause stephanie meyer loves the band (don't ask me how i know such information).

yeah. so sue me la you twilight haters.

build me a castle

i am a very happy child for i have finally gotten my hands on a book i've been searching high and low for.

i enjoyed the original and now, i'm reading the rewritten text (i'm sure there's a proper term prescribed to this form of writing but i'm too lazy to get the textbook and look for the proper term). it definitely reminds me of writing experiments. i'm actually missing that class and dr. sharon :(

so my days are filled with reading and facebook and twitter and the random sites i chance upon.

so productive, i know.

i did manage to catch a couple of movies this month. 2012, time traveler's wife and new moon. no guesses for which is my favourite :O

let's hop & skip to another world, just me & you

CLICK!

if you must know

i've taken to blogging in another site for now.

time for a modification in life.

worry not, i'll blog here too, so don't worry that pretty head of yours.

marshmallows and candycane

i just applied to graduate :O

$170 to mark the end of this chapter of my life :O :O :O

so the age-old question now will be;

1. what's your plans?
2. planning to do masters?
3. looking for a job already?
4. what do you want to do?
5. etc. etc. etc...

gimme a break, people! i just finished and the last thing i want to do is start thinking of the future. if i knew what i wanted to do, i wouldn't be in this position here right now, would i? i'd probably be off in my swivel chair in my own office with a personal assistant who makes me coffee and tells me my mother is on line 1. am i there now? no. so just lay it down low with the questions, people. lemme breathe and take in life. life without the plans. life without the path and directions laid out before me on a red carpet.

i've had that for like 15 years or more. from the moment i entered pre-school up till my undergraduate years, it has all been planned out. now is the only time probably where nothing is planned out. where the possibilities are literally endless. scary and daunting yet exciting and limitless.

and if you must know, i'm currently enjoying the life of the unemployed. where i wake up in the morning with nothing to do unless it's to meet friends or do something inane like chores.

wah, what's not to enjoy? the next time i'll probably enjoy this lifestyle again is when i'm retired :O with grandkids for company!

the other day, when i was watching ugly betty, i had this sudden rush of 'OH EM GEE, what day is it today?!!!'

that, my friends, is the life...

and she's so high, high above me...

i am ALIVE!

i dont think i've felt this free before. no kidding.

i'm like a blank canvas.

high on life and what it's gonna bring me. i feel like i can do anything...

and that's a pretty great feeling, a pretty great feeling indeed :)

alpha & omega

in 3 days time, the start and end of my finals :|

wishmeluckthanks.

if i had to choose between her and the sun, i would be one nocturnal son of a gun

will it be irresponsible of me if i said i wanted a break after my exams? as in not do anything AT ALL kind of break.

because, where i'm from, apparently a break means i 'help' out in the business. not that i am ungrateful or trying to piss them off or anything like that, but for goodness sake and to risk sounding like a spoilt, pampered bitch, i really just wanna do nothing with any form of responsibilities attached to it.

there IS a part of me though that wants to apply for internships and there a couple of sites that i know of who are looking.

so really, what should i do? a part of me wants this and another part wants that.

but would it be irresponsible of me if wanted to do nothing at all even for just a couple of months?

nothing compares to you

in record time, i completed my essay 3 days, ok fine, 2 days in advance! *pats self on back wtf* that is if i didnt screw it up. since i could write about anything and everything within the boundaries of the malaysian cinema scope.

it's a fun class btw. for lectures, we watch malaysian films and i have to say, this makes me appreciate malaysian cinema and also fuels my desire to film a short film. one day, i say! there are many a hidden gems in the local film scene. one of the assignments requires us to prepare a storyboard for our greatest malaysian film. the presentation was last week and i say, good stuff generated in the span of 13 weeks.

sigh. i think i'm gonna miss uni life after all :(

it's been my life and more for the past 3 years. it's the only stable thing in my life. and now, that stability is going to be destabilized till i find myself a stable job. which btw my mother has already began the search for. she thrust a job ad in ma face this morning! like whoah, slow down momma. i haven't handed up my essay or sat for my exams yet. :S

the pressure is ON!

what's a better way to cap of the week of hard-mind-numbing-labour than to go shopping with my girlfriend, shee ann! pure shopping goodness wtf. i have succumbed to the consumer culture. no escape i'm afraid. there's a reason why its called retail therapy. don't quote on me this, kids!

shopping in bangsar isn't as fun when you know you can get the same stuff for a fraction of the price in bangkok! but because i'm here and not in bangkok, i caved in and spent...rm xxx +__+ don't tell my momma, yo!

holiday to bangkok anyone? i'm recruiting traveler's now wtf.

the best thing i bought however is this rectangular velcro thingy you "piak" onto your hair. i think it's the greatest thing invented EVER! it's the shizznit, yo!

...

ok, i'm restless now. stupid connection is so slow, my pet tortoise walks faster from the MonU carpark to the Media Lab than loading my fb page. and that's a looooong walk. trust me. i used to compare with my friends how far we parked and we would laugh at the ones who park way way back. jealous glares would be directed at the ones who parked near of coz.

:(

quite. sad. now.

oohh oohh, i'm very happy to have finally downloaded sinead o'connor's nothing compares to you and lisa loeb's stay. the connection in the comp lab is my best friend *strokes imaginary comp lab* and have you people heard the cast of glee singing bon jovi's it's my life and usher's confessions? it's the shiizzznittt, yo! brilliant those people who mixed it! i want to be a writer on glee. how do i apply? soon to be graduate looking for position thankiu :)

notice i was sad and then now i'm happy.

fuhh...see what i mean when i said i'm restless. thankgoodness the connection does not affect blogging.

i sleep at the oddest hours that i can't sleep early +__+

*wills self to sleep NOW*

stay

bittersweet.

i had my very last class today *tear*

no more walks to classrooms or lecture halls or labs. 3 years and this is how it ends.

on the one hand, i am actually epically excited about graduating. my entire life of education leads to this one pivotal point in my life, entire existence. all those late nights and many more late nights as well as thousands of word counts and i'm finally at the end of this chapter.

epic joy!

i dont care what people tell me about how much they miss doing assignments and going for classes, right now, i'm just excited that it's over!

and i also handed up my second last assignment. yes, despite it being the end of semester, i still have an essay write. hey, they gotta suck us dry before they set us off into the real world, right?

*assignment mode ON*

almost ending

with pain, therein lies hope.

how do you know?

"i believe that our first love is the truest love of all" - yasmin ahmad

i wouldn't know if the above quote is true or not because i don't have the experience of a first love to back me up but i would love to think that the above quote is true. first love is the time where you put yourself out there for the first time. the first time you let yourself be vulnerable. the first time you experience pain and heartache. the first time you experience a great joy you never knew you could feel. the first of maybe every possible emotions and feelings you're bound to feel when experiencing a first love. the first time you let yourself love another without hiding any part of you because you want to share every single detail and part of yourself with this one special person.

i want this. i want to experience this wonderful feeling people make movies about and people sing about and people write about.

do i want to risk getting hurt if it doesn't work out? do i want to risk feeling that love is the most over-rated feeling in the world? do i want to risk never loving anyone else again if the first love doesn't work out the way i wanted and expected it to?

yes. cause life is too short.

what about perfect timing? the right time to let yourself be at your most vulnerable? there is no such thing as a right time. every minute of your life is ticking by.

"this is your life and it's ending one minute at a time." - the narrator, fight club

dis.con. n sl-win dwn

effin' pissed with my connection. i thought i could finally watch the latest episode of vamp diaries but no. false hope. and my second attempt at dressing up in looklet.com failed because of the bloody connection >:(

geramnya.

i think the days incident has given me a wake up a call. i think i can finally be distorted in my flow of thoughts and writing. i hope i did it right this time.

plan b.

look ma'!

literally smitchterally blahh

if i had to choose, today probably tops the list of one of the worst days ever. so much for leaving with a bang. everything seems to be falling apart. is this a sign of what my future is going to be like?

or more of me realizing i cannot do everything and that i'm no super(wo)man. that i cant be good at everything. that i too have a weakness and it's in the form of wrtthreefourtwotwo. if anything, i can be sure of this, it can and will be the death of me.

unless of course i buckle up and write the randomest shyt ever.

dont be literal. rule of thumb.

dis.con.nec.t myself with my train of thoughts. let the words go. let them roam free of their own accord. let them do the talking and shouting and screaming. just dont mean what you say. literally. make yourself less understandable and more ambiguous.

that's the way it moves.

the way it shakes.

the way it flicks.

that's the way i should be.

so, if i had to choose, today definitely tops the list of worst days.

ever.

and no. kanye can't interrupt this.

i spy with my eyes that this blogger...

is not a happy camper. i have 2 major assignments left in the final weeks of my semester and i cannot wait for it to come to an end!

an end for good! *fingers crossed*

the only joy i have in my life right now is:

the big bang theory

hands down the bestest most hilarious show EVER!

the vampire diaries

my latest guilty pleasure!

i finished watching true blood and according to a pretty credible source, the new season will only begin in june 2010! another year ohmaigad! so i have stefan and damon to fulfill my weekly eye dose of guilty pleasure.

i wanna watch (500) days of summer. doesn't help that every review i read screams greatest flick of the year!

i like potatoes

today was probably the first in weeks where i got to plonk myself on the couch and channel surf. the feeling was euphoric wtf. looking forward to doing so after finals wtfwtf. i am so ambitious!

till death do us part

i just came back from a relative's wedding dinner. haven't been to a wedding dinner in quite some time. this was one was a refreshing change from the usual ones i've been to. there was a speech given by the maid of honour and father of the bride as well as a speech by the bride&groom themselves. they did dwell a little about their courtship and i thought it was really sweet. at least we know a little about how they got to where they are today.

"darling, you are the love of my life"

then there was the customary yam seng and i have to say, it was amusing to see the angmoh do it!

i have dreamt about my wedding when i was young and i have to say, my plans then and now have changed. but who knows when that will happen or if it'll ever happen. there was a time i was itching to get into a relationship so that i can move on with my life according to how the discourse is today but then i've come to realize that i don't have to path my life according to the discourse. i can break free. but then again, structuralism will tell me that i'm in fact not breaking free and doing it my own way yada yada yada. depressing stuff, i know.

the entrance was reminiscent of that youtube video where the bridesmaids and groomsmen danced their way in. i absolutely loved that entrance and thought it was ingenious! take that and transfer it here, epic fail. they weren't really into it. they were moving parts of their bodies i.e. hands clapping to the beat of the song and twirling and turning but they weren't really INTO it. if you're gonna do something novel as to dance your way in, do it with pizazz and oomph! go all out then it'll be a hit. i just thought that they could have done so much better. the bride was really into it though, that's for sure. and i guess our culture is not used to this sort of entrance, everyone didn't really know how to react cos when the bride&groom reached their table there was a 2 second, maybe more, awkward moment of silence. the emcee had to remind everyone to clap. i felt for the bride. very awkward indeed. looks like the older generation have to catch up with the young ones.

i want a crazy ass entrance too!

i think weddings should be a celebration and hence a party like atmosphere with close and intimate family and friends should be the way to go! why would i want to celebrate this one special occasion in my life with distant relatives whose names i do not know and who doesn't really know me. y'know why? to please our parents that's why.

wedding dinners are fun. sometimes i like to be all cynical and sometimes i like all the romance behind it all and hope one day for my fairytale wedding. sighh...like some 5 year old kid all over again.

now, i look forward to attending weddings of people that i know i.e. friends!

my dear friends, go get yourselves hitched. it's our generation now ;P

i think i should know

watched fight club today. i love that film. didn't realize how long it was. it was long. worth your money i reckon. i think this was the film that introduced me to edward norton. not brad pitt, though i think he looks way better in that film. i never really got on the bandwagon about how hot and whatever pitt was though i think he makes pretty babies with angelina.

ever since eating the cupcake marina bought yesterday, i have been craving them. so i bought myself two today and happily gobbled them after dinner which makes me sound like a pig but nevermind. pig ma pig lorrr...don't judge me. i think reading kim kardashian's tweet about famous cupcakes also contributed to the cupcake craving. the word cupcake is dancing all over in my mind now. make it stop. please. if i eat anymore i will look like one and we don't want that now, do we?

i am happy happy right now cos i have completed my checklist for today. sucha good feeling! bask in my glory, people!

bask in it!

and they all fall down

ever felt like everything in your head is a jumbled mess and as you try to pick the pieces, you realize you're in deeper shit than you thought you were.

yeah.

that's what it is.

i have so much on my mind it's difficult to pinpoint exactly what it is that is bothering me more. the fact that i have so much work still to do or the fact that everything i've been working so hard for is quickly coming to end.

there's too much on my mind and very very little time.

pina colada & jalapenos

i am delighted that i have at least completed one of my assignments in record time. okay, maybe not completely completed. partially, yes but still. the writing part is done so i'm very proud of that :) after yesterdays depressing-ness, today i have to say was a good day! so i'm happy happy.

and i spent way more than i should on food. more than i spend on days when i'm having class. i suppose when hunger strikes, hunger strikes!

i was just watching gossip girl and i've come to realize that everything on it is so dramatized and unrealistic yet so delicious. to be honest, i remember watching it and hating almost everyone on the show cause they got on my nerves so bad. yet, i still continued on watching because i wanted to know how it ends. not to say that i absolutely love the show for the storyline or its characterizations. i love that the show is my 4o minutes of guilty pleasure. of experiencing new york the way i wished i could experience it. of experiencing the different fashion styles the way i wish i could. it's my window to a world of fabulous-ness.

because really, other than that, there's nothing much i can talk about besides how totally cute blair and chuck look together whenever they appear. really, we can't be talking about how great it is that nate is finally dating so and so because 2 episodes later, they're gonna break up like they're on new york fashion week picking their favourite designer. we also can't possibly talk about how great that serena is constantly screwing her life up or how jenny who is greater than thou is trying to demolish the hierarchy oh great blair built and will finally succeed this time because really that's be done numerous times too. and dan, pffft, possibly the ultimate player in the mix who started out so well. totally giving nate a run for his money.

yawn.

yet, i still go back to that show weekly. the power of pretty people dressed up in pretty clothing.

why am i talking about this? right, because i was watching it halfway when they tell me my time limit is up! geramnya.

/end of rant.

you must be wondering why pina colada & jalapenos for a title?

pina colada because marina was playing her songs and this was one of them. old school classical cool, yo! belinda had this to say, 'is there anyone in here who isn't dead?' HAHAHA x infinity wtf

and jalapenos because they were trying out various ways of pronouncing it. exciting times in store whenever the 3 of us are together :)

makes you want to be my friend, eh?

history lesson 101

in my almost 3 years of undergraduate studies, i have NEVER asked for an extension. EVER! i take pride in the fact that i can complete my work by the dateline. i was going to step out of uni proclaiming that i never had handed up my assignment late or asked for an extension.

today is a historical day.

today, i broke that very thing which made me who i am today. the one thing i could be proud of. the thing i could boast and gloat about. the very thing which is the essence of my entire undergraduate years, is now unattainable. i have been dethroned. and i doubt anyone can take my place because my other partner in crime, marina has also been dethroned. we are now just like everybody else.

no more gloating. no more boasting.

today marks a black spot in my cleanclean slate. i shall go cry in a corner right now.

today, i also realized that only a lecturer can make your heart beat so fast it will make your entire body vibrate, palms sweat, face turn pale, start pulling your hair and make stab-me-in-the-heart gestures and go down on your knees screaming 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!' and beg to be killed right now so that the misery can end.

yes. today is a historical day indeed.

i even had my suicidal mode on. optimism just flew out the window and in came pessimism to rescue the day. fun stuff the things you learn in university.

what you say

after 3 days of bliss, i come home with an upset stomach, body ache and internal body heatyness so panas it will make your water boil. now i know why some people say they need a holiday to recover from their holiday.

i'm feeling better now, thanks for asking.

i think the mid-sem break went by too fast but don't they always? i'd like to think i spent it pretty well :)

if anything, it was especially "educational" for me, as the rest can attest to. sudah boleh kahwin dah wtf. a crash course in life lessons.

right now, i shall bask in the final hours of my mid-sem break. honestly, the coming weeks will probably be the craziest weeks. i iz sked now. presentations, major projects, major essay and final exam. phwoarrr...believe you me when i say i cannot wait to finish and graduate.

during dinner, my dad made me cough and choke on my drink. i forgot what he said but it was hilarious. that tends to happen to me. alot.

nu die rek ti on

ch-ch-ch-check it out! wh-wh-wh-what's it all about!

something went wrong with my previous skin :( i miss that elephant already.

today marks the first day of raya and so i went to my friends place for lunch and storytelling. killer combination wtf.

and what stories i heard.

let's just say, i am way glad i live such a simple life with friends that don't give me no drama. sure, i may have my fair share of craziess when it comes to friends but really, what i go through seems infantile compared to what i've heard. really, you think you've left high school but you haven't.

the things i heard today made me say "omg, i never knew such words could come out of a person's mouth" to "this only happens on tv. oh wait, tv reflects reality anyways" among many others.

in the words of my dear friend, "i live a life truly blessed" and i thank God everyday for that.

friday. the busiest day of the week. yet fulfilling at the same time. especially when it comes to handing up assignments and then going home knowing that the weekend has started though it only starts after 6 but that's alright. you get what you get.

have a good looong weekend. we all deserve it :)

was going through an unopened file of songs i got from a friend and found some lovely gems that i have not heard in awhile.

i read 2 graphic novels. american born chinese and the curious case of benjamin button.

i'm still reading chuck palahniuk's haunted.

borrowed the kite runner.

watched beauty and the beast. epic love story there.

this is life, post-major assignment. very short term break but a break nevertheless. i shall savour it before the next round comes along.

absolutely love the song simple life by carolina liar.

i went dvd hunting with my dad yesterday. not the pirated ones. we went to speedy to look for grease because i absolutely LOVE that movie! it was my dad who introduced me to the world of grease lightning and saturday night fever.

i was also secretly looking for breakfast at tiffany's because i absolutely LOVE audrey hepburn and to my horrors, i've only ever seen her in that one film! blasphemy! so i wanted to reacquaint myself with her movie by buying breakfast at tiffany's and then moving on to her other films.

unfortunately, they have none of the movies we were looking for. seriously! classics like those and they don't have em'. another blasphemy!

so i began browsing around and pointed at all the old movies and asked my dad if he has watched them.

one of them i pointed at was gone with the wind. old school classical cool.

he did watch it. and he goes on to tell me how he and all his friends fell asleep watching it but the girls were all wide-eyed! haha. so my dad proceeded to get me the dvd so i can watch it :)



at the same time, i saw a audrey hepburn movie that i watched a lil' of called paris when it sizzles. i couldn't resist and got myself the dvd.




so now, i have two classics to watch :)

now, to get my hands on breakfast at tiffany's and grease!

the end of my hellish week! woots.

i can now breathe easy again. it may not be the end of the ends but at least this one particular hurdle down makes me breathe easier.

*inhale exhale*

i hate the part where i have to slave through countless websites looking for legitimate resources to use for my 2.5k word essay.

that's due friday.

and is worth 50% of my life, i mean grade.

doesn't help that i did nuts today. all i did was keep my bed warm. my bed probably has my body shape permanently sculpted into :/

this afternoon, i came home, plopped myself down in front of the TV, watched air force one (the one with harrison ford) and was prepared for a thrilling ride manatau i woke up to see jonas brothers wtf.

i fell asleep!

and now, i'm not sleepy. just came back from yc and now all i wanna do is stay out and do mindless things. but of course, i'm a girl. girls have restrictions. somehow, it feels like the nights belong to the other gender :( we're left with the sun and the opposite, with the moon. heh. my analogy chun or not wtfwtf.

nothing's good on radio now :(

i think i'll watch dollhouse before i sleep.

ooh..just thought i should say i'm having a good hair day right now! too bad i'm home now and it's 12.45am. or else i'll flaunt my hair around.

i'm listening to jordin sparks 'battlefield'.

why does love always feel like a battefield?

because i'm trying not to head-bang the wall i thought i should share with you this incident which happened a few weeks ago, as narrated by my friend, marina on my fb status.

We were all standing at the lift when Belinda uses her bottle to push the lift buttons to void 'germs' (H1n1 kind)Then on the return journey Nat forgot and used her finger to push the button and then said 'omgosh omgosh i touched it I touched it!' and promptly ran to Belinda and wiped her finger on belinda's shirt!

We nearly died laughing.

the things we do :D

i didn't skip my 9am class, in case you were curious/wondering/concerned. but i was late. heh. i blame it on the traffic although technically i woke up late but details like that don't really matter, right?

good news for the day, i'm finally starting to type new sentences for my proposal. i felt inspired in class when dr. s was talking about it. unfortunately, the inspiring talk evaporated on the way home wtf.

speaking of which, i dont know how they do it. puasa-ing, i mean. i had breakfast/lunch/brunch at 11am and was starving by 5pm! kowtow man! though a friend did mention that it was easier when its the ramadhan month simply because i guess. or maybe it's mind over matter.

is it me or does time flies? i think time has taken a first class on the now defunct concord. a zoom and a swish and we're now in the month of september. wake me up when september ends (green day, year forgotten wtf). it's week 7 already :S

ohh...did i mention i'm going to arthur's day :D excited-nya! my second concert in my entire existence. got a concert high! i think concerts are the shiznit!

right now, i'm doing way too many things at once. trying to multitask to the super max, trying to hit the maximum growth wtf.

which reminds me, thank goodness i ordered that mocha during dinner. i'm not sure if it's the caffeine working its magic on me or if it's just me feeling the stress of a looming due date ahead but i'm up and doing my work :D sigh, simple things like this and i'm easily satisfied. really, i'm not that hard to please lol.

really, imma bout to ram my head through a brick wall >:(

frustrated. beyond. words.

i think i have it in me to start but i'm just sitting duck here not giving two hoots about the damn proposal. just because i can.

and i'm even contemplating on skipping my 9am class. just because i can.

just. because.

sigh. i can't get no work done in my space. i need another space.

notice how i can throw all sorts of excuses out but cannot just focus on the task and just do it. my mind feels like its all over the place. i cant stop it from running all around. how ironic. this is exactly what writing experiments is all about and yet, the first assignment is not asking you to be experimental. it's so technical imma burst your balloon, kid!

i type out words then i delete them.

i type out words then i delete them.

somethings i wanna say, then i don't wanna say.

the ones i wanna say, i can't seem to put them down.

the ones i don't wanna say, flow out of me like a stream of river.

the words that actually matter most on the other hand seem to be stuck behind a brick wall.

hmph.

the cycle continues. life goes on.

we still breathe.

one week to finish up a 2000 word proposal.

i can do it.

i had a topic i wanted to blog about but for the love of hot chocolate, i can't remember what it is i wanted to blog about. sheesh.

today was a very bleh day. mornings need to be good in order for the rest of the day to be good as well.

nows, i'm looking forwards to the weekend.

some of my favourite songs come from blogs i stumble upon. if i don't blog hop, i might not have such a vast library on iTunes. and most of the songs i absolutely love come from em' blogs. the latest one is no exception.

dear miami by roisin murphy :)



i just love it.

another two i absolutely love right now are shakira's she wolf and beyonce's sweet dreams :)

a wise friend once told me that nobody pays for music anymore. and that is just sad. i used to buy albums after listening to just one song and then end up regretting it cos it was only that one song that was really worth listening to *allsaints come to mind coughcough* so now, i wanna go out and go buy me an album. the only problem is, whose album is worth buying? the last album i remember buying is casting crown's the altar and the door.

i'm gonna go on an album hunt!

i'm also itching to go watch talentime. the only thing is that it's showing in cinemas that are NOT near my place. and i don't have the time to go this week :( maybe i'll go on a sunday. anybody wanna teman? a couple more films i wanna watch are up :D :D and maybe district 9. movie marathon, yes?

oohh, today in class i watched hang jebat. who knew movies back then could be so entertaining today? i think movies made back then are just brilliant. the acting abit over. and the evil laugh, can you say 'whoahhhh' too much?! really over the top stuff. totally dramatizing yet totally entertaining.

and i don't get why hang tuah is such the hero when really, it should be hang jebat! he stood for what he believed in. if hang tuah obeyed the sultan, why didn't he go die in the first place instead of hiding out? pffft. coward that's what. fear of death that's what. yeah, sure, he may have been framed for committing a crime he didn't do but still...he goes on preaching how he obeys the sultan and is loyal to the sultan yada yada yada well, the sultan commanded for the death of you so why didnt you die,huh huh huh?! and then he comes back from the dead and is all kam-ching with the sultan again. hello! the sultan ordered for your death and here you are serving him again as if nothing happened whilst your brother, hang jebat fought for your justice.

sigh.

history.

the chapter isn't fully closed. i know. i lied. but it's not fully blown up on the big screen either. it's just there, a sliver of an opening. enough to keep me afloat. enough to let me know that there is hope. somewhere. hopefully sometime in this present time. there are days, when i all i want to do is let it out. and then there are days where i just want to wait. only time can tell. i've learned that i should not rush certain things. i should take it one day at a time.

||

i'm having that overwhelming sensation again. always happens during that time of the semester. the only thing getting me through this is prayers.

i might possibly need a hug too.

writing experiments might possibly be the death of me. of all my 2 1/2 years of undergrad studies, i don't think i've ever felt such a chill of fear ever. not even for authorship. i have no idea how to go about for my final assignment and i haven't even started on the first yet.

like the popular chinese saying goes; sei for (die lor)

how now brown cow?

i went to a concert for the first time in my entire life.

no, i don't consider the westlife showcase when i was 11/12?! *shyyyy wtf*

frickin' awesome, i say!

things seem to be in perspective now. i'm not gonna think too much about it anymore because honestly, i don't want to go through that anymore. if it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen. i don't know why it took me some time to figure it out. maybe cause when you're alone with your thoughts, things just don't go into perspective that easily. you tell yourself something but your mind goes on and on telling you otherwise. the most dangerous is probably your own thoughts.

i'm really glad we talked. you totally made me see the 'light' wtf.

i guess i'm like that. you tell me to my face that this is what it is, i will let it go. i won't harp on the issue anymore when the facts are all laid out. because, there's nothing i can do to change it. the only thing changeable is me.

but if one day, the situation or dynamics do change, then so be it. i'll cross it when it comes.

right now, i'm telling myself that the chapter is closed. sealed. although i told myself before it was closed, it re-opened again. i'm gonna remain stronger this time...

...and i feel good.

the weeks are starting to go by, signaling the waves of assignments +___+ *breaks into cold sweat wtf*

bittersweet. this also signals the last of my assignment days. eventually. time really flies. on concord some more wtf. otherwise how can i be here in my final semester? how can i be 21 and still so clueless about what i want?

then there is the so much to do so little time. so hard to please-kan.

i think i need to go out more. these four walls is eating me alive.

help.

after 2 days of not going to class, waking up at 7am was a drag.

have to say that my lecturer has a slide for every word he says. but it's all good.

and i watched spinning gasing in class today. i was pleasantly surprised. now all i need is to find out what happens in the end. it wasn't a typical malaysian film. i really liked the overall feel of the movie. yeah, some of the acting might seem forced and over the top and even unrealistic, do we even speak like that? but i thought it fitted well with the film. now, i'm hoping for our unmade malaysian film to be along those lines. very inspiring i say! and i think i've figured out how i want to approach my essay question. yay me.

lately, i've been feeling strong emotions again. emotions i thought i have kept nicely away. not having to feel them again maybe until later. but no. a few months have gone by and they are surfacing again. i know that through Him, i can overcome anything for

I am the branch and you are the vines
if a man remains me and I in him
he will bear much fruit
apart from me you are nothing
-John 15:5

Lying Days, lost and insecure you found me, never floor by the early corner. You found me long, lost and insecure. Found insecurity and you lost me.. You lost insecurity and find me. Lost insecurity. Find me. You found insecurity. And lost me, insecurity you found. And lost me find the insecurity and lost me. The insecurity is lost. Find me lost The Cigarette Letters and insecure The End Letters. You loved me. Save and secured, you liked me. Lost and found, morning telephones, you have me gone. And came. Surrounded Wait, you need me maybe? And could have been you forever. Wanting and longing it was you, Heart beating pumping I want you, to be near you is all I ask, breathing you in, taking you in, finding strength within, letting you in, smoking the messages. I’m not lost when you’re near, I’m not insecure with you here. The city’s end sent to lay.

where's the beginning, the middle and the end?

welcome to my life in experiments.

i enjoyed every minute and every second. so please stay.

i took a nap and had a vivid and really weird and freaky dream. i think it had something to do with me reading something in the news and the words that stood out started to creep into my dreams creating this dream that was just really really odd and weird and scary. it felt so real and yet also felt like i was watching a movie with me starring in it.

i woke up from my nap feeling more tired than i was before taking the nap :/
it felt as though i was really physically doing the things i was in the dream.

i don't want to go into the details not because i can't remember what i dreamt about. ok laa, i don't really remember the details but then...forget it la. just know that i had a weird dream. it was like the end of the world kinda thing. ok. end.

'lost and insecure
you found me'

that's my word/phrase for the task at hand.
writing experiments is...interesting. i don't have to churn out a narrative but that doesn't mean it's any easier. looking forward to honing my writing skills.

and my other class requires me to write a project diary, detailing the trials and tribulations of how to handle group work and conceptualizing a short film/feature film and coming up with a storyboard.

another class rewards me marks for setting up a twitter, delicious , flickr and youtube account.

and finally, i have this one class where i watch movies and then throw all sorts of theories at it.

this is it, my final semester. the final leg of the pre-race. once this is over, the race will finally begin.

this is it.

feeling contented with life right now. the wheels are moving smoothly and i'm just feeling good about life now :)

i have all i need, right here, right now.

and,

never say NEVER!

LOL :)

first week of a brand new semester just went by. by the looks of things, this semester will fly by and before i know it, i'll be graduating and thrust into the dog-eat-dog world of the working world. joy.

yet, before my 13 weeks go by in a flash, i'm still in a dilemma. there is this one subject which i'm taking which i'm not really sure of. whether i should continue with it or drop it and take something else. what to do what to do?

sigh.

after overloading last sem, this sem seems freer somehow. maybe because looking at my timetable, i don't see 5 lecture slots and 5 tutorials slots. trust me, you might think adding an additional subject may not look like alot but it IS. very exhausting. which is why i'm planning to enjoy my last sem. the very last sem of my undergraduate years. whoa. it feels surreal saying it. i don't think it has actually sunk in yet.

yet, i'm not phased by it. i don't feel any fears of what's gonna happen in the future. i know that through Him i can do everything :) i'll take it one step at a time (jordin sparks, date unknown wtf)

ohh..if all goes well today, i might just end up with a very nice piece of canggihness *fingers crossed*

i just finished watching ugly betty and omg i want her job and her boyfriend.

9 days away

9 days in jogja and i am finally back in the confines of my home. the familiar. the comforts of home. the place where i can sleep on a comfortable bed and wake up to a hot shower.

9 days.

first night there i was petrified. the room's cleanliness and hygiene were questionable. walls were peeling, screaming for a fresh new coat of paint. the ceiling reminded me of the japanese horror film, water. patches of water marks scattered around the ceiling. thankfully the room was dark enough to hide the flaws in the morning otherwise, i would think i was staring in my very own horror film. the one blanket provided, had to be shared by two was utterly horrific yet i couldn't not use it. i needed it. the nights were freezing cold despite there being no ac to cool the room. we only had the fan and the cooling jogja night weather. the blanket had a funny smell and made my legs itch because of the vast amount of bulu popping out of it. yet, i still couldn't not sleep without it. even the pillow made me shudder just thinking of laying my head on it. i can only the god's that be who created hoodies. and don't get me started with the toilet. green tiles, seriously? vomit inducing and absolutely gross. especially with that particular shade of green. the only thing i can be thankful for is the working flush. otherwise, god knows what we'll do when a dump needs to be made. hot shower? think again. more like a pail and a tub of freezing cold water, my grandmother's house style. imagine having to bathe early in the morning in such conditions. no wonder many of us had the slight case of the sniffles. or maybe it was just me. that's not all. we even found a huge ass insect whose species i am not familiar with in the toilet while one of us was bathing! frickin' scary. since that incident, whenever i go into the toilet, i check the floors to make sure it is bug-free.

yet, the 8 nights we were there, affection and attachment had been cultivated. the room was the very room we all went home to at the end of a busy and tiring day. the musky smelled room was home for the week we were there so no matter how bad the condition was, it was home to us. the room condition was so bad that some of my fellow travelers contemplated moving into the nearest hotel which had a functioning toilet with hot showers and ac yet they managed to suck it in and rough it out with the rest of us.

i'm not gonna lie. the first day there, i was ready to go home. yet, the powers that be must have foreseen that going home early would end the start of one of the most amazing trips i have ever been on. friendships had been built and friendships have been sealed.

seeing the things that i have seen made me realize how privileged i am and how easily the simple things in life like a clean and comfortable bed, hot showers and clean walls are taken for granted. leader of the pack, dr. yeoh has definitely succeeded in making the familiar unfamiliar, breaking down what was seen as trivial to us and bringing us back to basics.

i should have put up the link earlier before leaving but hey, better late than never!

so read all about what i did in my search of yogyakarta *click*

now all i am looking forward to is sleeping on my bed and resting my head on my clean pillow and waking up knowing that i don't have to scream and shiver in freezing water though after so many nights and days of bathing in cold water has made my body adjust to the level of coldness i had to endure. splashing cold water no longer seemed like a task yet still it didn't make me enjoy the entire process.

this trip has made me realize that i can adapt to any situation and try to make the best out of it. maybe having the convenience of shopping and fast food at my doorstep made the adaptation slightly smoother but nevertheless, i made it through. and definitely the sight of the many familiar faces going through the same things as i made me know that i was not the only one. talking about the room condition and crazy morning baths, probably brought us a little closer. the sights and sounds of jogja were so different from here that it was easy to appreciate the differences of the familiar and unfamiliar. graffiti on public walls, street musicians busking openly and peaceful street demonstrations shows just how vastly different 2 countries in the same region can be. i've seen and interacted with the locals in ways i could never have if not for this cultural trip. organized tours only show you the beauty of a country not the nitty gritty. cultural trips like the one organized by my lecturer brought us 10 steps closer to the locals and showed us the beauty and ugly of the going ons in the country. and from what i've seen, i've seen so much of beauty that even the amazing borobudur, prambanan temple, kraton and mount merapi have no match for the hospitality of the people of jogja that made my stay in jogja all the more amazing in this amazing mix of batik, music and art of a state.

today is gonna be the day
that we're gonna learn something new
by now we should have realized
jogja's got something new
we don't believe that anybody could feel the we do
about you now

back beat the word is on the street
that the fire in our heart is lit
we don't believe that anybody could feel the way we do
about you now

We've seen so much our bright new eyes are yearning,
For all we've done, we'll spread the word concerning,
There are many things that we would like to say to you but we don't know how..

Hey maybe,
We say Terima Kasih....
and after all.... you're so Wonderful...

*sung to oasis' wonderwall and minta ampun, i forgot some of the lyrics so i'm just putting up what i remembered.

ps: feeling pretty inspired and probably suffering from the one hour jet-lag wtfwtf.

hullo. i is back home sweet home. been gone for 5 days. which totals to 5 days without internet connection. damn it feels good to be back.

it was a whirlwind of endless walking and spending. a much deserved break to say the least. the past weeks (in regards to the 1st semester of course) had me broken inside out. literally exhausting me of whatever ounce of energy i had left. trying to salvage the remaining pieces of what's left. i breathed a huge sigh of relief that very friday i put the final dot of the full stop on that exam booklet. shook the ache of writing like i've never written before and walked out feeling lighter. i stood taller. i smiled wider. i made it through the wilderness.

and now, i'm already in the second week of my break. 2 out of 3. 2 days left before i go off again. excitement filled me a minute ago. now, all i wanna do is just stay, glued to one spot and not move. just the rise and fall of my beating heart. the sound of me breathing.

and then, i'm all excited again. head filled with excitement and the thrill of going somewhere new and foreign.

and the cycle continues.

this is probably due to the nature of how things work in the body, mind and soul of a hot-blooded female. that time of month where you're literally hot and cold in a split second. uncontrollable. unstoppable.

nevertheless, am totally looking forward to my next trip. a study tour is the official name for it. hopefully i can try to put my skills to the test. whatever the skills may be. i have yet to find out what my skills may be. but if this trip can open eyes to whatever possibilites and outcomes it may have on my future, then it will be a life-changing trip. otherwise, it will just be a great trip with a bunch of great people.

i go with the flow. and so far, the flow has been good to me. *knocks on wood*

Southern Style

'So what's happening'?" Lula asked.
'This couple's goin' on a date to Hawaii,' said Sailor. 'The girl chose him over two other guys.'
'Don't the reject guys get anythin'?'
'Gift certificates to Kentucky Fried Chicken,' Sailor said.
'That don't seem fair,' said Lula.
'Hell why should The Datin' Game be different from real life?' asked Sailor. 'At least them boys is gonna get something' to eat.'

-The Wild Life of Sailor and Lula, Barry Gifford

back to where we started. the beginning of my relationship with apple and it's wondrous creations.

that is the very first iPod shuffle, yo! ol' skool so cool.

as you know, my iPod nano is dead and gone (t.i. and j.t. 'dead and gone' wtf). maybe not dead, but most certainly gone =( which is why i have to use this ol' skool priceless (literally!) life saver. it keeps me company when studying. brings me joy that words cannot describe.

final paper coming soon!

and a date with megan fox right after ;)

drinks after? bwahahahaha...

i miss being able to listen to my songs anywhere and everywhere.

i miss knowing that i have at least one piece of comfort with me wherever i go.

i miss my ipod nano and i don't even have a photo to remember it by.

=( *wipes tears*

i have all this great blog ideas to blog about but when i sit my ass in front of a blank page, i go blank.

i think i should get a blackberry? yes? no? then i can blog anytime anywhere.

failed excuse in justifying why i should get such a canggih phone.

i hate it when the connection starts to lag and pages don't load like they're supposed to. hello, in the 21st century already. connection must keep up with the times. this is not the dial-up era. omg, do you even remember those? i so remember having to dial the connection and waiting for it to be connected.

that's what is should be. back in the days. not now NOW. future people. keep up with the program please. how can we be stuck with lagging connections?

i always go online and face the same old problem. but i guess it's better than no connection at all. sometimes i have good connection, sometimes i have terrible horrendous connection. you win some, you lose some.

oh wells.

by next week friday, i will be done done DONE with semester 1 =D

today's yumcha session was a very surprising one. i met a long lost friend. primary school friend to be exact. classmates in standard 1 and 2. i still remember, the four of us always together. ahh..memories. this was like...ZOMG!!! 14 years ago +_____+ i'm so old. i'm old enough to say 14 years ago wtf.

isn't it wonderful how small the world is? how one person can be friends with this person and then ka-boom you find out they're friends with this other person. 6 degrees of separation LOL.

overactive imagination turns reality. for real.

you know how you sometimes play the worst case scenario in your head when you're doing something? like say, you're walking down the street, you sometimes imagine someone's gonna come from nowhere and grab your bag. or sometimes when you're watching a movie and something tragic happens, you imagine what would you do if you were in the same situation. but at the end of the day, just before you lay your head to sleep, nothing bad ever really happens and it was all just you being paranoid of the world. heck, you think you have an overactive imagination. as if everyone out there is out to get you. look, she's using that handphone, she's wearing that necklace. everyone is suddenly out to take something from you.

well.

guess what?

overactive imagination finally decided to become reality. if you don't know already - facebook very good way to let the world know what happened - i was robbed.

don't worry. i'm fine. the bastard - from now onwards, whatever derogatory name i can think of will be used to describe the son of a bitch - only took my things. he didn't lay a finger on me. i can only thank God for that because only God knows what would have happened to me.

i was sleeping when it happened. deep sleep somemore if i could sleep through whatever commotion the motherfucker made when he was happily shopping in my room. so that was probably wise of me. the sleeping part. i dare not think what would happen if i woke up while he was in my room. okay, let's not go there. mental pictures are appearing in my head now.

the incident probably happened around 3-4am. now i'm wondering. how could he see in the dark? the window blinds were closed and i sleep with the lights off. damn that fucking asshole.

i feel violated. i was 'attacked' when i was most vulnerable. do you know how vulnerable you are when you are sleeping? okay. i should stop. mental images of possible ifs are appearing.

DAMN THAT FUCKTARD.

i'm still reeling with geramness at what happened. suddenly you think of 'oh i should have kept this and that in the drawer/cupboard'. CRAP LAH. it's done and over with. nothing can change that but then you still think of what you should have done. fuck this lah. i'm not supposed to feel like this.

i only got up when my dad came up to my room and asked me if i kept my jewellery box in the room. at first, when he asked, the question didn't really register. i think i mumbled a no saying i never took any box out of my room. then he persisted with another question of i kept anything in a the red box that was on my dresser. since i was already rudely awaken by a question that seemed nonsensical at 7.50 AM, i went to see the box in the other room. that was when i saw that ALL my accesories were GONE. i then rushed back to my room and realized one of my bag was missing. and then the other missing items were taken note of. watch and camera all gone. handphone which was on my bedside table, no prizes for correct answer, MISSING! FUCK THE SON OF A BITCH. he was THAT close to me. my bedside table. my head lying inches away from the table. DAMN THAT MOTHER FUCKER.

i don't know whether to laugh or cry when i saw my mac was safely on the table.

further inspection really made me wonder if i should laugh or cry. my pendrive was missing. my pendrive filled with assignments and lecture notes was missing but my laptop was still on my study table. the other joy in this otherwise terrible tragedy that has ever befallen me. hopefully the only one. i don't think i can take it if i have to go through this another time.

i can't remember what i felt. but after awhile i started to get mad. the first thought was probably 'GREAT, this had to happen during my exam period lah!'

yes. there i was worrying about authorship and THIS had to happen.

one day lost. and as if i can read now. i have all this geramness still in me and the what if scenarios keep playing in my head.

and i'm actually quite paranoid now. what if he comes back again since it was so easy the first time?

and i just found out just now that one of the kitchen knife is missing. OMG HE HAD A KNIFE WHEN HE WAS IN MY ROOM. I COULD HAVE BEEN dot dot dot...

the funny thing is, for the past 15 years i was living in a non-gated area. my old place was next to a main road. robberies happened outside my house NOT in it. now, i'm living in a gated area and 6 months later, for the first time in my entire life, i was robbed. goes to show that nothing is really as it seems. you think you're safe and protected just cause you're living in an area with high walls surrounding your area and 2 security guards guarding the ONLY entry and exit point of your area. you could never be more wrong.

now, my door is locked and i'm gonna sleep with the lights on.

i am totally digging capital fm's playlist right now. the music they're playing is making me wanna get up and dance and drink and be merry.

damn those exams.

and a bug just crawled up my leg.

it's now lying semi-crushed in the dustbin.

E-E-W. gross!

sucks but i have to watch another hitchcock film if i wanna answer a hitchcock related question for my exam. i'm afraid to watch vertigo alone. i don't know what to expect.

i wish it was xmas cos i want a blackberry.

i also want that pair of heels i am lusting after. but they don' have 'em in my size anymore. if you were a good salesperson, you would try and console me by recommending me another pair which has similarities with the pair i covet or maybe a pair which is better than the one i wanted.

but you're not.

not many people love their jobs. i hope i'll love whatever i get myself into.

I am colorblind

Coffee black and egg white

Pull me out from inside

I am ready

I am taffy stuck and tongue tied
Stutter shook and uptight

Pull me out from inside

I am ready

I am fine

I am covered in skin

No one gets to come in

Pull me out from inside

I am folded and unfolded and unfolding

I am colorblind

Coffee black and egg white

Pull me out from inside

I am ready

I am fine

~Colorblind [Counting Crows]

i have a lot of things to say but i...don't know how to put them in words. right now, my mind is just jumbled up with so much i don't know how to organize them. all over the place, fighting to be in the front of the line, trying to get my attention. and all i can do is let 'em float around and wait for 'em to settle down.

waiting for the dust to settle.

but i can say this. i handed up my final assignment! woot woot.

one down baybee and another to go! can i get a woot woot?

once i complete this final assignment, i'll be home free. sorta. who can escape exams? but nevermind. once that's done with, its the holidaaaays baybeeeeeee....

shake-a shake-a boom boom.

last week of classes and then its exams and then its 3 weeks of break and then the cycle repeats.

oh joy.

i watched 2 movies in 2 days, totaling of rm19 +___+ that's like 5 dvds or less. nevermind. i haven't been to the movies in a looong time. the first movie this year was wolverine. my first time in gsc 1u and i have to say that the cinema there is very cool in my books. seats are wide and headrest is high enough to lean on.

gsc summit and tgv pyramid must learn something from them. cinematic experience must be taken to another level. haven't tried the ones in the garden. i think that one has special seats too.

today we felt like high school kids all over again. 3 of us have driving license but not one of us drove. at the end of the day we had to call for our 'driver'. a true friend indeed =) we like totally lurve you now. you have all our lovin' wtf.

yesterday was terminator. today was angelsanddemons. both very kan cheong.

waiting for more blockbusters to come...

i need to prepare a draft for my writing class tomorrow but i can't come up with anything now. i realize i cannot conjure up a story under pressure! or maybe i'm just blocking the story. maybe it's already in there in my head somewhere, waiting to be unearthed. and i'm just sitting here blogging. good job, nat. good job.

wasting my time only.

***

my mom threatened to take the chair away because i pile all my bags and clothes on it.

in my defense the chair is damn convenient. just chuck everything on it. how i wish i can just chuck away the whatevers, the unknowns and the i-don't-cares.

i need to clear the chair up so asses can plop themselves onto it. bags need to be in the closet. clothes need to be hanged.

***

i cannot believe it but the semester is coming to an end. my second last semester is coming to an end. next semester is my final semester and after that, i'm gonna be thrust into the unknown +__+

scary shyt.

***

i also cannot believe this but i survived 12 wednesdays. torturous wednesdays! 9-6 classes. crazy shyt. never am i gonna schedule my classes this way ever again!

***

i really need to start writing on that draft.

***

i really want to watch a movie.

***

besides blogging random things, i am also deleting emails from my uni account. i have taken up the maximum storage space. i tried to send the emails to my personal account but it never seems to go there. i suspect i need to have a gmail account for that.

***

i need me some retail therapy.

***

i'm really sleepy. i've been sleeping early for the past few days.

i've also been taking ridiculously long naps which don't really constitute as naps when they take longer than 20 minutes i think.

***

just found out that san francisco coffee in cafeteria has a buy one free one deal. coolios.

only paid rm8 for my extreme mocha. i wonder what's in extreme buzz?

today i was a lazy ass. like literally.

i woke up at 10.30.
i skipped _____. (better not say it, this might be used against me by ____)
i took a 4 hour nap +____+
i have a presentation powerpoint to prepare and so far i only have 3 slides +__________+
i am STILL tired and sleepy even after the 4 hour nap.

FML lyk srsly.

lack of updates due to you-know-what.

i am pretty screwed. due date is on monday now.

monday: essay due.
tuesday: presentation.
wednesday: presentation.

+__________+

fck my life.

friday. 5pm. 2000 words. 40%.

+____+

today's date. tuesday. 8.26pm. 0 words.

readings done. 0.

panic level. -5. wtf.

i have no fear. which should be a fear in itself. i need to get the rush. the exhilaration of wanting to complete the damn essay. but i don't. so how?

continue watching grey's anatomy online.

baibai.

if backstreet boys came to KL, i will be the first in line.

their songs are frickin' awsum!

oh what a day!

the day started the night before and only just ended a few hours ago.

and i'm craving for more.

my friends semester breaks have indirectly become my semester break as well wtf. i am prancing around as though i have no assignments due next week.

priorities are definitely misplaced. but the fun i get out of my misplaced priorities, priceless. now lets just hope my grades won't be affected. because, i know how to have my cake and eat it too. right?

damn fail.

i was on a roll with media audiences till i clicked on mozilla firefox.

@___@

***

i miss chicken. don't know if any of you have heard of this but according to chinese belief, if you're coughing, you should not eat chicken. i've been following this belief since last week. i think my last chicken intake was the curry chicken my momma made. omg i'm salivating just thinking of chicken. FML.

i've been chicken deprived for a week. fck thz sht.

oh fck. i had kuey teow soup at old town kopitiam. it had sliced chicken. die. chicken essence in the soup. fck thz sht. i cannot escape the chicken.

see. this is why i cannot be a vegetarian.

have things changed or are they still the same?
so not a mind reader yet not willing to put it out there.
can only go.
going with the flow.
flowing flowing like a stream.
into nothingness.
till the truth reveals itself.

shuffle playing the most randomest songs ever. playlist on shuffle not good this time. need to re-shuffle wtf.

there's some serious shyt in the medication i'm taking. my heart was beating so damn fast today that my hands were shaking uncontrollably. i might be exaggerating a wee bit on the uncontrollably but i was shaking la ok. must give you guys a good mental picture wtf. quite scary lor.

but i'm alright now. thanks for your concern.

i hate wednesdays. i stay in uni till 6pm. i start at 9am. it's a miracle i survived till week 10.

oh yes. it is already week 10. like srsly, where did my days go? it feels like its only the beginning of semester. 3 more torturous weeks and then its finals which will then lead to 3 weeks of pure nothingness. which i am looking forward to. but of course out of the 3 weeks, one week has me globetrotting to a foreign land. looking forward mucho-mucho.

but for now, all i want is my friends from the other side of the world and in different continents to come back. i miss you guys.